We all know that we get into relationships because we have strong feelings for the other person. Yet there are times where these feelings, this passion fizzles out and you get the feeling that things are not the same any more. But you don’t want to accept the signs that your relationship is over, so you try to force it to work, to force your significant other to still love you the same way they did at the beginning of your relationship. Is it really the right thing to do though?
Of course it isn’t. Everyone knows that trying to force someone to love you can, more often than not, lead them to resent you even more. Sometimes it is better just to let go, even though you really don’t want to, as you’re still in love with them. The worst thing you could possibly do is force them into something they’re not comfortable with or they don’t want.
From my own personal experience, I know that it’s hard to let go. You have so many amazing memories and you want to keep creating more, but your ex-lover disagrees. They want something different, and you feel like you want to accept that but you can’t. You know they are allowed their own opinions, that they are the only ones who can make choices for their life, but you vow to try your best to make them realise they’re wrong – that you’re all that they need in their life. You’re desperate, and you don’t notice that you’re trying to force a relationship to work. So here are five signs your relationship is over.
1. You are the only one making an effort
This always has been and always will be an obvious sign that the other person isn’t interested anymore. You find that it is you that is making all the arrangements for dates, it is you that is making the first move for any intimacy. They’re not making any effort to make the relationship work, so why are you doing it? You could be spending the time moving on.
I always found that being the only one to put any effort into a relationship can often be very stressful, and may eventually lead to you resenting the other person and nd can prevent you from staying friends once you’ve eventually parted ways. I’ve gotten so annoyed before because I just thought my ex didn’t care, like he didn’t even want to try to make things work. So in the end I just had to give up. I didn’t really want to but I knew that it could bring out the worst in me if I let myself get annoyed, stressed, and angry.
2. You are desperately trying to please them
You’re doing whatever it takes to get their attention. You want compliments from them. You want them to look at you positively. So you’ll do anything to make them happy. You’ll end up doing things you’ll probably regret doing in the future, if you do eventually end up breaking up with them.
Just don’t do anything you don’t agree with, feel uncomfortable doing or will regret in the future. You have so much more in your life than your ex-lover. Don’t waste all of your time on them, and trying to get them back. Don’t give up too easily, but you need to realise when the right time is to give up. Make sure that you’re happy – they’re not the only one that is important.
3. You often argue over small things
Your significant other may often feel like they’re stuck in the relationship and so you may find yourselves arguing over small things, things with very little importance. But these small things can often drive a wedge between you both and that is the last thing you want.
Through my own experiences, I know that the arguments may be never ending. They start off being about one minor thing, but they can escalate into so much more and you could even end up arguing over things that could ruin everything. You may even risk losing them as a friend, as well as ruining the relationship. The best thing to do is just try and keep any form of relationship (whether that be a platonic relationship) that you can.
4. You find yourself lying a lot
You want to seem perfect to them, now more than ever. You don’t want to risk telling them things, or admitting that you’ve done something you shouldn’t have done, because you don’t want to drive them away. Everyone knows that honesty is the best policy, and is such an important part of any relationship. But honesty doesn’t always happen.
I have found that I have lied on multiple occasions because I didn’t want my current boyfriend to see me negatively. I didn’t want to give them any reason to want to break up with me, so I wouldn’t tell them anything about me that could possibly push them away. But that wasn’t the worst part. It’s even worse when they find out the truth. Nothing hurts someone more than finding out the person they love has been lying to them. I have had many problems with this because I was trying to make my relationship work, when in reality, it had run its course. Even in the most desperate situations, make sure to stay 100% honest.
5. Your life revolves around the other person
Of course, if you’re in a relationship, your significant other would play an important role and they’d be very important to you, but you have your own life too. But I’ve found that if you try to force a relationship to work, you become obsessed with the other person. All you care about is that they are happy. Because if they are happy, they’re less likely to realise the relationship isn’t really working out.
I used to do this a lot, especially in my last relationship. You become blinded. Your brain tricks you into thinking that if you boyfriend or girlfriend is happy, then you will be, and that your relationship will be perfect. And obviously this is the wrong thing to think. It’ll make everything seem perfect for a short amount of time, but then everything can go so negatively so quickly again. Just focus on making yourself truly happy. Don’t let your mind trick you.
There are many things to learn from any relationship. It is not worth trying to force something that isn’t supposed to happen. If you find yourself trying to force the relationship to work, to force your significant other to love you, then it means it just isn’t meant to be. You might think you’re in love with them, and that you’d never be able to live without them. But, at the end of the day, you’ll eventually be able to move on and hopefully begin a new relationship that will make you happy. And genuine happiness is all that should be important to you.