are my dating standards too high

If you are like me, you are tired of hearing that your dating standards are too high. Too high for whom anyway?

What your great-grandmother wanted from a significant other is most likely completely different from what you want in your life partner today.
And that is okay.

You have probably seen and experienced different life situations that have shaped your perceptions about relationships and dating. Accepting your dating standards will help you reach your destination – the person you want to be with.

Being honest about your goals

My reasons for who I would choose to date today are very different from the reasons ten years ago and even five years ago. My current dating goals are family and foundational focused. I will not invest my time in dating someone who is looking for casual relationships because I am not up for casual flings right now. Being honest with myself and acknowledging what I want will have an impact on the final result.

When you feel lonely, it can be so easy to focus on your feelings rather than on the facts. Your emotions make you want to connect with whoever shows an interest in you and whoever you feel a slight attraction to. Anything to diminish that nagging loneliness, right? What you really need to do is to be discerning. Focusing on the first person in your path can distract you from someone who might be a better choice for you. My friend Cara is going through a breakup right now. The fact that the guy was not interested in being with her for the long haul raised red flags from the very beginning of their relationship. Cara settled on him because she was feeling lonely and longing for companionship. She would have realized that he was not a good match if she had focused on the facts. Cara’s boyfriend did not invest even half the amount of interest and care in the relationship as she did.

Focusing on the first person in your path can distract you from someone who might be a better choice for you. Click To Tweet

Trusting your intuition

My friends have matched me up on dates with men who they think would be suitable matches for me, and some of those dates went well. However, none of them turned into long-term relationships because they just were not meant to be.

Although my loved ones had the best intentions, I am the only person who truly knows what type of love life I envision for myself. If a person’s credentials look good on paper, that does not mean that they are compatible with you.

To people who do not know me very well, I might seem like a very easy-going person. When I feel like being outgoing and conversational, people may interpret that I want to have a connection. However, I am analyzing conversations and body language. In my mind, I instantly know if we are compatible.

I may not say anything right away at the time, but I know who I feel a stronger connection to and why. I immediately gravitate towards these people. And even then, despite the strength of the connection, I choose to pursue the relationship slowly.

People who try to match me with others will not have my intuition. You have probably had similar experiences, and you need to trust your intuition with regards to compatibility.

Getting your priorities right

There are people who love you and wish everything what is best for you, but they do not understand your vision. It is not up to you to explain your goals to everyone in your life. Some people are going to “get it,” and other people will not get it when you choose to live your life in a certain way.

Before my friend Mary married her husband, she had mentioned to me a few times that she is willing to date and marry someone who is not a Christian. I never really understood why Mary would be open to being with someone who did not share her religious views. I prefer to be with someone who shares my faith, but Mary was willing to take the risk if it meant connecting with true love. Fast forward to today, and Mary is now married to a man who is not religious, but they accept each other and have a loving relationship.

There are people who love you and wish everything what is best for you, but they do not understand your vision. Click To Tweet

Learning through trial and error

A few days ago, I went to the Museum of Broken Relationships, and it was an eye-opening experience for me! It was my first time seeing broken real-life relationships embraced and put on display for the public for anyone and everyone to examine and dissect. The museum collects donations from people worldwide. Some of the stories behind the donated items were quite unusual, and most of them were heartbreaking.

Some of the exhibits were from people who never saw their breakups coming. Other items were from people who admitted that they had seen the red flags, but they kept the relationships going until they no longer could.

What is the moral of this? Your life will teach you what your standards are and what they should be. You learn relationships through trial and error. You test the waters with someone and see what floats your boat and what doesn’t. My past relationships have helped me to develop my standards for what I will and will not accept for my future.

Knowing your worth

We tend to fantasize about what our ideal mate would be like, but we often forget that similar standards we project on the other person will be projected on us. After all, birds of a feather do flock together. If you want a man who has his life in order and is financially successful and confident, you should assume that your dream man is looking to partner with someone who has those same attributes.

Are you confident? Are your finances in order? Are you the type of woman that your dream man would say is his dream woman? If you are unable to answer those questions with an unequivocal yes, then you know that you probably have some work to do on yourself.

When you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything. Know that you deserve to get the relationship of your dreams. However, it requires work to transform into reality. Design your life to what you want it to be so that you can attract the type of person that you want to attract.

Are you the type of woman that your dream man would say is his dream woman? Click To Tweet

Setting for mediocrity is the wrong way to live. While we each have value, we do not value the same things. A mediocre relationship is one in which your needs are rarely if ever being met. Having a strong sense of what you want and refusing to settle for less than that will bring you so much more satisfaction.

If I could turn back the time, there are plenty of situations that I would have avoided and never gotten involved with. Maybe if I had done things differently, my Prince Charming would have appeared in my life much sooner. However, it is all possible that all of those experiences prepared me for developing my standards, learning to trust my intuition, and be able to recognize Mister Right.

Your standards are the relationship compass that will help you to navigate the stormy and unpredictable waters of dating and partnership. Let your standards help you to stay afloat and be able to discern the right person.

Akua is a Canadian born and raised girl with Caribbean roots. She is a journalist, actress, music teacher, performer, owner and marketer of 3 worldwide dating websites, as well as an independent Pure Romance business owner selling passion products for singles and couples.  Visit her website  AkuaHinds.com to learn more about her.


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