My girlfriend doesn’t want sex

My girlfriend doesn't want sex as much as I do. She never seems like she is in the mood and rarely initiates. We have been together for two years and I'm worried things won't change the longer we are together. I can't stay in a relationship where I am the only one wanting to have sex. I don't know what to do.

Elliot, 27
Kristie Overstreet
Answered by:
Clinical Sexologist, Psychotherapist & Certified Sex Therapist

Elliot, thank you for sending in this because lack of sex in a relationship can cause issues. Couples who are in long-term relationships sometimes see a change in sex and intimacy and your situation when a girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex is rather common. Pick a good time to talk to your girlfriend about what you are experiencing. Don’t have this talk when you are upset, when she is busy, or when you are initiating sex. Decide on a neutral time when you can let her know how you feel. Use “I” statements and keep the emphasis on you, don’t put the blame on her. For example, “I miss when you would come over, sit on my lap, and begin kissing me while we were watching TV.” Share with her the importance of feeling connected to her through sex and intimacy. Listen to her response and ask open-ended questions. Do not get defensive in your response. Ask her what you can do to help her feel more connected. How can you be a better boyfriend or make her life easier? Taking these actions will help her see that you are committed to this relationship and want more than just sex. You want her to be happy and content. This is the best way to begin to have conversations about sex and intimacy. If you do these things and don’t make progress consider seeing a couples therapist to assist with these discussions. They can provide you with a neutral place and tips to have these conversations.


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