I have a wife who doesn’t want sex. Things were ok before our marriage but after we moved in together her attraction to me started fading away. When we were dating we used to have sex at least three times a week and then it gradually reduced to a couple of times a month. I love my wife and I am sexually attracted to her, but this situation makes me frustrated. Every time I want to talk to her she tries to avoid the topic. Shall I suggest her seeing a psychologist?
Paul, 31
Answered by:
Clinical Sexologist, Psychotherapist & Certified Sex Therapist


Many couples see a change in their sex and intimacy as their relationships lengthen in time. When a couple moves in together, the dynamic does change, and it’s important to talk about how this affects both people. When you live with someone, you see them all of the time, and the sense of mystery dissipates. The anticipation and excitement you once had decreased because you are around them all day. When you were dating, sex was frequent because the relationship was new and you both wanted to connect in this way.

As the relationship becomes long-term, you begin to see one another differently. Your wife’s sex and intimacy needs may have changed due to many different factors. A few of these factors may be stress, lack of romance, feeling disconnected from you, issues with trust in one or both of you, health changes, or it could be one of the other problems that are common in long-term relationships. It also sounds like sex is a symptom of another problem within the relationship. You both need to explore your commitment to working on this part of your relationship so you can figure out what is leading to the emotional disconnect.

All hope isn’t lost because you can reconnect again in the areas of intimacy and sex. I would suggest that you both consider couples counseling so that a trained professional can teach you both how to communicate about the topic. A couple’s therapist can give you tools, tips, and help you begin the dialogue about the loss of intimacy. Sex and intimacy can be difficult for individuals to discuss especially when one partner isn’t happy with the current situation. You both deserve happiness and to get your needs met. A trained therapist can help connect the two of you. Wishing you all the best!