Luke warm first date

I recently went on a date with a guy I met through a dating site. We had chatted a bit at first, both online and then by phone, and we seemed to hit it off. We decided to meet for a drink and then dinner, and I was really looking forward to it. I don’t know if it was nerves, or what, but overall the whole experience was… meh. Honestly, I was ready to go home after the first drink, but we pushed through an awkward dinner anyway and then both bolted for the door. I was so disappointed – we seemed to have a good rapport and so much in common when we spoke over the phone, but in person, there was nothing. Since our date, he’s texted me a few times and even suggested we get together again – which surprises me: was he not on the same first date I was? Not sure what I should do: cut and run, or give it another go?

Meghan, 28
Dear Dharma
Answered by:
Dating and Relationship Consultant

I’m of mixed thoughts on this one. My first reaction is that you should never have to talk yourself into someone, especially after just one date. Either the chemistry is there or it isn’t, and in this case, it sounds like it really wasn’t. Struggling to get your meal down just so you can bolt for the door can hardly be considered a successful first date, right? Except… the rapport was there enough over the phone and online for you to think you wanted to meet him, and vice versa. So what happened? What exactly went wrong?

You could be onto something when you make reference to possible first date nervousness and there’s the fact that he still seems interested in seeing you again, which means he didn’t think it was a total bust. So maybe he knows he was a nervous wreck and was hoping you didn’t notice.

Are you open to the option of leveling with him? I mean, what have you got to lose by investing some time in a phone call. What if you told him you were really excited to meet him initially, but then felt that maybe nerves got in the way, which made the evening feel awkward, and did he pick up on that too?

If he didn’t, well, that’s kind of your answer… it’s just an incompatible situation, no harm, no foul. Yet, if he’s on the same page as you, wholeheartedly agrees with your assessment and then offers some kind of explanation from his point of view, you may be able to move forward.

Dharma’s a pretty big sucker for the whole “what have you got to lose” concept, so that’s how I would handle it. However, if after that phone call, you still feel like you would be talking yourself into seeing him again, I’d say pull the plug.


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