Can’t find the right guy

I am getting frustrated with dating. I try to be open and put myself out there and date different types of men, but I just can't seem to find someone who is the right fit for me. I continue to attract the wrong type and end up with people who are not a good fit. I want to end this vicious cycle. What am I doing wrong and what is the best way to fix it so I can find the right guy?

Samantha, 32
Elizabeth Overstreet
Answered by:
Relationship Consultant & Coach

Samantha, I feel your pain. It can be challenging to find someone who is compatible with you. But, here are a couple of dating hacks which can help you find the right guy.

I often advise my clients when they are feeling like they keep hitting the wall with dating the wrong type of person to take some self-inventory. What this means is taking time to look at who you have dated and what caused the break-up or incompatibility with you and that other person.

If there have been several relationships you have attempted which had the same result, you will notice there may be similar patterns to what led to the breakdown in the relationship. Secondly, take a break from dating. Just stop for a moment and focus on enjoying your life and doing things that bring happiness to you. The best relationships happen when you aren’t looking or seeking them out. Thirdly, if you have a narrative of continually attracting someone who isn’t compatible or is dysfunctional, this could mean some introspection is needed. Who you attract is a direct reflection of something that you haven’t settled in yourself. And often the people (especially the dysfunctional ones) pick up on this and are drawn to you because of something you may not have personally addressed.

I can’t stress enough that the love you exhibit and have for yourself is so critical because it serves as self-protection for you. When you have self-love, you won’t accept anything less from anyone else, i.e., respect, being mistreated, someone who hasn’t resolved significant issues in their life, which decreases your chances of being with someone who is unhealthy or incompatible for you.

Starting with these dating hacks will help you date smarter and increase the likelihood of you meeting someone who is compatible with you.


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