Dear Mario,

I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious about your relationship. There are many reasons why people don’t respond to text messages right away. It’s not always because of lack of interest. After coaching tons of people the last six years I have seen that one of the biggest reasons is simply communication preferences. Some people aren’t chatty on the phone, while they text up a storm. Others barely utter a word when you call them, but will text you silly until you have monstrous thumb muscles and a stiff neck from stooping over your phone.

Have you already spoken to her in person about how she prefers to communicate? If not, I would have that conversation with her next time you are together. Perhaps her work environment doesn’t allow her to constantly check her phone, or be engaged online during the day. Maybe what she would really like is for you to call her at the end of the day for a ten-minute chat just to check in. If, after you speak with her in person she tells you that she prefers texting over phone calls, then I would ask her why she is always so late in responding. She might not even realise that for you, her answers are late, especially if she has a lot on her plate at the moment. In the absolute worst case she might say that she is having doubts about the relationship.

In any case, it’s important to have this conversation in person, and not via text. If you start a conversation like this via text you leave yourself open to a ton of misunderstandings and hurt feelings, plus it could take ages. If she responds that she is having doubts about the relationship, at least you know, and you can decide if you want to continue to invest in something that is not solid. But, before you start creating any “lack of interest” scenarios, talk to her.