How to Become a Sexually Confident Man?

confident man

If you are feeling less than stellar about your sexual self it’s time to take action. Your lack of confidence in your skills and ability to perform are affecting every other aspect of your life. It is your responsibility to work and improve this so that you can boost your self-image and become a sexually confident man.

What you believe about yourself is what you will portray to the world. If you want to increase your sexual confidence, you have to believe it first. Most men don’t understand how much power their thought process has over their confidence. If you have low self-esteem or feel unworthy in other areas of your life, you are more likely to struggle with sexual confidence. Try a few simple techniques to change this. You will feel better and women will notice it!

Enjoy the moment

The worst place you can be to improve your sexual confidence is in your head. This is where you can get lost in your thoughts, and your anxiety can suffocate you. It causes you to be very hard on yourself, leads you to make up things about yourself that are probably untrue, and doesn’t allow you to be present at the moment.

When you are worrying about things that haven’t happened or busy saying invalidating things about yourself, you can’t experience all of the sensory stimulation that is happening during sex. Do whatever it takes to get present in the moment, dial in all of your senses, and enjoy the experience. This enjoyment of being in the moment with your partner is what will help you improve your confidence.

Stop the negative narrative

Erectile dysfunction, difficulty finishing, and premature ejaculation are real things that men struggle with. As a clinical sexologist, I work with men on a weekly basis that are dealing with these issues. When it comes to erectile dysfunction, we rule out if is it medical or psychological based. Most times it is men’s struggle with how they think.

The narrative that you are telling yourself about your sexual experience or lack of it can be very powerful. For example, “I’m sure she has had better lovers than me.” These messages can be detrimental to your confidence. They can also cause you to experience anxiety during sexual encounters which can then lead you to have difficulties maintaining erections, so be sure to stop your negative narrative immediately.

Look at the evidence

Have you had many women tell you that sex with you is horrible? Did you have a partner tell you that you don’t know what you are doing in relation to sex? You need to identify and challenge your thoughts by asking yourself what evidence you have that you lack sexual confidence.

If you don’t have actual evidence of someone giving you feedback, then you can challenge your negative self-talk and replace it with something more realistic. You will get stuck if you continue to worry about what someone may think about you. This is waste of energy for you. It is more important how you see yourself. You are in control of questioning and changing your narrative when you don’t have evidence to support it.

Let go of negativity from others

If you were told that you aren’t a good lover or that you are terrible in the bedroom, it could decrease your confidence. Maybe you were told that your penis is small or you aren’t a good kisser. It’s time to let go of negativity from others. You can’t allow someone else’s comment dictate your journey.

It is likely that you aren’t with this person anymore and for a good reason. That is one person’s opinion and if you give it too much weight, your confidence can’t thrive. If it is your current partner that tells you negative things about you, your body or your sexual behaviour, then you may need to re-evaluate the relationship. You have to learn to let go of this negativity because it only hurts and doesn’t help your personal growth.

Fake it until you make it

Confidence is sexy and attractive. Gaining confidence of any kind is an inside job that no one can do for you. Act confident even when you don’t feel like it or believe it. This doesn’t mean that you are arrogant or full of yourself. Hold your head up, shoulders back, and carry yourself with pride.

Keep reminding yourself that you do have confidence in your sexual abilities. If you continue to say this to yourself and carry yourself in this way you will begin to believe it. There is nothing wrong with faking it until you make it. This is the continued behavior of being a confident man and proud of yourself even when you don’t feel that way. With enough repetitive behaviour, your self-esteem will catch up with you.

Your sexual confidence does not need to be based on another person. Do not wait for someone to validate your abilities. Be your own validation. Carry yourself in a way that people would feel lucky to have the opportunity to have sex with you. Doing this will only help you improve your self-image. There is more to you than just your sexual abilities. Think about all of the areas of your life that are going in the right direction. When you are struggling with sexual confidence remind yourself of these areas. Realise that you have many strengths and qualities that make you an amazing individual.

Kristie is a clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, and author. She specializes in relationships, sex therapy, and gender identities. She helps people improve the relationship with themselves and others. When she isn’t working with clients, consulting, or writing she enjoys spending time outside. She loves surfing, running, yoga, traveling, and reading. You can find her at


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