Being a Singleton: to Tinder or Not to Tinder?

singleton

In the world of modern dating being a singleton is easier than meeting someone new. We are so buried in our own business when we’re out and about, meeting someone nice on a random outing that you’d like to see again never seems to happen. Usually if someone new does talk to you, it’s in the style of too long a stare and a cheesy chat up line. Not exactly the romantic start you hope for in a new relationship.

So how am I as singleton supposed to meet new people to date? Is it desperate for someone in their twenties to have to turn to online dating just to bag themselves a new love interest? Or in a busy world of work, friendships and family, is modern technology making our dating lives easier than ever before?

It’s the question I, as a singleton, ask myself on a daily basis. Should I join Tinder or not?

To Tinder

How else is a 26 year old single lady meant to meet someone, when everyone she knows is either taken or just friends? Surely our social lives should be flourishing to the point where you meet new people on a weekly basis, right? Not in my case. So how are we going to bag ourselves a date without the help of a smart phone?

Are we supposed to doll ourselves up and sit around in bars, restaurants, cafes, libraries or wherever and wait until a person catches our eye. And even when that happens, what’s the likelihood that one of the party will approach the other and it would actually end up as a date. In this hectic day and age, ain’t nobody got time for that! We could be waiting forever. And think of the amount of killer outfits we would have to own?

At least in the Tinder environment you know, here’s a group of people who are looking to find someone romantically, they are in your area, they are single (hopefully) and you know the score as soon as you log into the app and start swiping. You can spend your time actively looking for someone and you can be wearing no make up and pjs! Sounds like the perfect way to find a date to me!

Dating in this way also means you can filter what you’re looking for. As I have established, life is busy. And if you know you’re looking for a guy who is over 6ft, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and aged between 25-30 for example, using Tinder can cut out all the things you’re not interested in. Surely that’s a time saver right? Well, only if you know what you’re looking for in a perfect partner.

Not to Tinder

If I were to get the Tinder app today would it work for me or would it just be taking up valuable Iphone memory? When I think of Tinder I think of the reputation it seems to have, an app dedicated to a quick way of finding casual sex in your vicinity.

But what if you’re not looking for that? Will guys automatically think you’re easy just because your picture is on Tinder? And if you do agree to meet someone, is that the unspoken rule of Tinder, that you’re just looking for sex with no strings attached? Am I being naïve to think that I can get myself a ‘regular’ dinner and a movie date from the virtual world of Tinder? And if that’s the case, is there an online alternative. Should I be looking for love in another Internet app? Is Tinder actually only being used by people who are looking for a quick bit of action or is that what the media has led me to believe?

Another question I must ask myself is do I want to agree to a date with someone just purely based on one picture of them? Does that automatically make me shallow? And what if I pass by a really interesting guy just because his picture doesn’t immediately attract me? What if the guy I agree to go out with is a dab hand at Photoshop and doesn’t look anything like his picture? Can you truly know what you’re getting yourself in for with an agreed Tinder meet up, and who you’ll actually end up on a date with?

And then you have to consider the fear of taking the Tinder leap. What if I put myself out there only for everyone to swipe left? What if no one wants to date me just from seeing my picture? Surely that can’t be good for my confidence in the real world of dating. I would never approach anyone again, just in case they think ‘who is this ugly mug and why is she trying to chat me up?’ Or is this a silly thing to worry about? Should I quash my inner physical over analytical thoughts and tell myself there’s someone out there for everyone? Well, that’s what Disney told me anyway!

Let’s say the dating app does its’ job and you get the date that you’re looking for. Result! However, do I want to put myself in the following scenario? What an unromantic story to tell when people ask you how you met. Is there no other way to meet someone these days? Have we become so wrapped up in technology that we can no longer just use the art of conversation to ask someone out? I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up on that idea just yet.

So to Tinder or not to Tinder, that is the question?

I think for now I’m swayed more towards no! To give up hope of meeting someone without the help of technology would kill a little bit of my old fashioned ways. However, as I pass the one year mark of being single, eventually some things have got to give surely. I’m a believer that I can never say never, and if I don’t go on a date soon, my old fashioned ways might have to take a back seat to technology.

Tinder, you could soon be featured in my phone icons. Watch this space.

Image: flickr

Elle works as a freelance singer, travelling the world performing on cruise ships and in hotels. Find her on Facebook or check out more about her writing on her website.


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