Once, I had a friend who only dated timid, meek women who didn’t talk back. Never questioned him. Or called him out on his BS. Let’s call him Jack. Dating women like that made Jack feel like a stud who was teaching his girlfriends the ways of the world. True enough, the girls he dated looked up to him. They thought he was amazing. Jack was always right in their eyes. The sort of guy who could do no wrong.
Eventually, he got sick and tired of always being right. He never felt challenged. There was no intellectual chemistry. No room for debate. No depth. And no dimension. So Jack changed his type. He started to date a woman who was sassy. A woman who was independent. And a woman who could more than hold her own in debates. And a woman who proved him wrong nine times out of ten.
Why dating a strong woman is different
At first, Jack was happy. Ecstatic, actually. He told me she “captivated him.” It didn’t take long, though, for him to begin to feel frustrated by their relationship. He started complaining to me that she took too long to answer texts. She went places without inviting him, got upset when he was late without telling her and – horror of horrors – told him to stop texting her at dinner.
I could see the breakup coming from a mile away. Watching Jack’s relationship take its eventual nosedive made me realize that not everyone is cut out to date a strong woman unless they’re prepared to adapt and actually improve their own communication skills. It might seem novel at first, but eventually, you’re just going to be frustrated by the experience. Strong women are simply too independent for a lot of men. Too nuanced. And often too sophisticated. Which is why most men absolutely, irresolutely need them. They just simply don’t know how to handle them.
A strong woman is the opposite of a balm. She doesn’t soothe. She can’t be coddled. She provokes. She challenges. And yes, she can even be captivating. Frankly, the most captivating woman you’re ever going to meet. But if you’re used to dating wallflowers, you’ll not only find them to be a challenge. You’ll find them to be impossible to figure out and you will have no idea how to love a strong independent woman.
If you’re dating a strong woman who is fierce but wholly loyal, here are 7 things you need to remember when communicating with her.A strong woman is the opposite of a balm. She doesn’t soothe. She can’t be coddled. She provokes. She challenges. Click To Tweet
1. Be needy and it’s adios
Strong women are not looking to date a manchild who needs them around 24/7. They don’t want to receive texts from you every two minutes asking where you are or looking for validation such as, “Why are you going out with a guy like me?”
Independent women aren’t afraid to spend some time apart from their partners. They know it’s important that you both need to have things going in your lives that don’t involve the other. It’s part of being an adult. If you really can’t cope with this without turning into a blubbering mess who texts and calls all the time, you don’t stand a chance in the relationship.
2. She’ll reply, but only when she’s ready
Yes, it sucks when you’re waiting for ages for a response. We’ve all dated someone who takes eons to reply to a simple text message and it can leave us tearing our hair out.
Sometimes, it can even make you question what she’s really up to. Is she seeing someone else? Or maybe her feelings have changed for you? Why only one “x” at the end of her message when she used to send two?
Your internal disposition dictates how you react when she takes a while to respond. If you’re an emotional person, you might send her seven consecutive texts demanding to tell where she is. If you have any common sense, you’ll wait it out and understand she’s busy.
She might be busy – but she might not be. She just doesn’t want to respond just yet because that’s just the way she is. Grow up and deal with it.
3. Play it and she’s history
Strong women aren’t going to be played around. They don’t have the time. More importantly, they’re not in the mood.
If you want to date this woman, you’re going to have to forget all those childish rules about waiting three days before getting in touch. She doesn’t have time to waste, and frankly, neither should you. If you can’t take advantage of the fact you’ve got her number, she’s going to move on quicker than you can even imagine.
4. Sexting may not be on the cards
Not all women like to engage in sexting. Sure, you might have dated a few girls in the past who were up for a bit of fun, but fiercer spirits typically aren’t.
It’s important that you don’t treat this woman like all your other girls. She’s different. She’s old school. And frankly? You’re not a 17-year-old boy anymore. Get to know her first before you engage in virtual fun.
5. Communication is more important than you think
You’ve got a phone and she expects you to use it well. For your best compliments. Your witty banter. Your creative video messages.
Strong women aren’t likely to invest in a relationship where communication is limited to “hey how was ur day?” texts because you’ve got a few zombies to kill on your PlayStation. They want you to prioritize them, give them your attention, and actually make an effort with what you say to them when you are apart. If you haven’t learned the finer points of communication by the time you’re in your late 20s, you might want to consider taking a few night courses before even thinking about dating an independent woman.
6. She will expect your undivided attention
You won’t spend every waking second with an independent woman. Not only will she have things going on in her life that don’t involve you, but you should also have things going on in your life.
This is why it’s important that you make the most of your time together. Give her your undivided attention or you just might lose any attention altogether.
Don’t interrupt a dinner date by chatting on the phone to your buddy or checking the latest NBA scores. Focus on her. Ask her questions. Listen to her. Try pretending you actually care for a change, and you may find that attention given in return.Class. Some people possess it innately. Other people have to learn it. And some people need to learn it much more than others. Click To Tweet
7. Being classy is not an option, it’s a necessity
There are certain unspoken rules that should be obeyed if you’re going to make this relationship work. Class. Some people possess it innately. Other people have to learn it. And some people need to learn it much more than others.
Strong women are classy. Don’t just respect that. Deliver it in return. Act like a true gentleman around her. Open her car door. Walk on the outside of the sidewalk. Help her with her bags. Say thank you, and make sure she made it home okay.
Now, that wasn’t all that hard, was it? And while you are at it, respect that she works, too, by not texting her at all hours and getting frustrated when she doesn’t reply.
Do you want a strong woman or a simple trophy? A woman who challenges you, enriches your life, makes you laugh and makes you want to be a better man? Don’t be like Jack. Trophies are a dime a dozen. As are mannequins. But a strong independent woman is a rarity. They’re proud — but they’re also catalysts. Don’t let one slip through your hands because you’re a grown man who wants to play with dolls.