Dating Advice: What Not to Do on the First Date

dating advice

First impressions make a huge impact in dating, especially first dates. Much like a first impression, you will never get a second chance to have a very first date with someone. A date is an opportunity to establish chemistry and build a connection. If you aren’t careful about how you interact with the person you’re on a date with, you might not see a second date.

Have you ever felt that you needed dating advice on what to do on the first date? If so, you’re not alone. Many people seek guidance from dating coaches and relationship focused content on how to act on a first date. What you may need to know is how not to act on a first date so that you can increase your likelihood of getting more one on one time with the person who you’re interested in. Here are some very important dont’s for the first date.

Don’t avoid talk time

The first date is a time when you should be making attempts to discover the priorities and plans of the person that you’re meeting. Don’t make the mistake of scheduling a date in which you won’t be able to spend much time having a conversation. For instance, a movie date is not ideal for the first encounter because the two of you will be spending more of your time watching the show instead of interacting with each other. Instead, suggest that the two of you do something where you’ll get the chance to be interactive. Meeting for dinner so that you can chat and eat will give you plenty of opportunity to figure out if you have chemistry.

If you’re the adventurous type and you want to have fun, play games with each other! No, not crazy mind games (FYI, you never want to play mind games on dates because they can backfire on you), play games on your first date like miniature golf, bowling, and chess games. You’ll be able to see from the way you relate during the game if the two of you gel. The worst first date is one that is not engaging in any way. Show what an interesting person you are by talking about your hobbies, and ask your companion what hobbies they prefer.

Don’t ask inappropriate questions

Communication is the only way to truly get to know someone, but you need to be careful and strategic with the questions that you pose to your date. Show interest in the person who you’re spending time with, but don’t make them feel as though you are interrogating and judging them. Ask questions that focus on the future instead of questions that force your date to think about the mistakes of their past experiences and choices.

Avoid discussing past partners, jobs you hated, and really, anything that doesn’t bring you joy. There will be plenty of time to learn more about each others’ quirks and dislikes, but the first date is not the time to unleash what irritates you. Focus on being positive. The person who you’re seeing will likely feel very uncomfortable by talking about things they’d rather not think about. Keep the conversation about neutral topics and try to find common ground within those topics.

Even if you sense that you’re developing a good rapport, it’s too soon to ask the person you’re seeing if they want to get married. You risk scaring away the person you’re interested in if you appear to be pressuring them to instantly commit to you. A first date is definitely too soon to make a marriage proposal because you don’t know if the two of you can even overcome obstacles as a team. When you jump the gun and start planning your future on the first date, you risk turning off the very person who you want to impress.

Don’t be careless

Your appearance will be the first thing that your date will notice about you. I made the mistake of dressing casually on a first date once, and I regret it to this day that I didn’t wear nicer looking clothes. I certainly had a lot of much nicer clothes in my closet that I could have worn, but I didn’t feel like dressing to impress that day. That was a mistake. When your date looks much more put together than you do, you are sending a message that you aren’t taking the date as seriously as they are.

Also, be careful about the kind of language that you use during the date. Excessive cursing is never attractive. You want to be seen as a serious contender, and there is a difference between making jokes during your first date together and being a joke on the date. How do you want to be seen? Before the date happens, write a list of all of your good qualities. Study that list and make it your priority to show those positive qualities during your time together. If one of your assets is that you are good at giving compliments, then be sure to give your date a sincere compliment such as admiring their smile.

There are many things that you can do to give yourself an advantage during the first date. Suggesting a comfortable meeting spot, looking your best, and asking appropriate non-intrusive questions will help you to feel better about your odds of getting a second date with the object of your affection. Leave your past disappointments out of this first date together. You need to focus on positive things and give the person who you are seeing a good reason to want to contact you again. Be polite at all times, show your genuine interest in the person you’re seeing and, hopefully, using my dating advice a second date will follow.

Image: flickr

Akua is a Canadian born and raised girl with Caribbean roots. She is a journalist, actress, music teacher, performer, owner and marketer of 3 worldwide dating websites, as well as an independent Pure Romance business owner selling passion products for singles and couples.  Visit her website  AkuaHinds.com to learn more about her.


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