As a guy being around other guys in life, you tend to notice certain things. Guys are generally aggressive by nature, we compete for attractive women, we compete in sports, we compete with each other and bust each other’s balls over all kinds of things. Keeping all of this in mind, it’s important that you don’t act like a caveman on your dates. In other words, you can be ‘pushy’ and a little aggressive in your life, but don’t push the woman out of your vicinity, because you’re too Macho Boy.
There are some guys who are Grade A Alpha Males (or think that they are). The alpha male wants to be in control of his relationship. Maybe he was the star quarterback on his football team, or maybe he’s a successful entrepreneur or businessman. However, there is a distinct difference between being confidently assertive, and being too controlling and possessive.
I’ve been guilty of this at times in my previous relationships. Sometimes I want too much control over situations, and that’s not reality. Not that I’m a control freak, but sometimes a tug-o-war or a power struggle exists in the relationship between the female and male. The man doesn’t always want the woman telling him what to do, he’s assertive, which is an attractive quality, but sometimes he’s too controlling or possessive of her. Women want an equal balance within the relationship (most women do, that is). They don’t want to feel completely in control, yet they don’t want to feel dominated completely within the relationship by the man (only during certain sultry moments within the bedroom, that is). Before the relationship even takes sail on the turbulent sea, I’ll examine first dating blunders from a guy’s perspective and give you some dating tips.There is a distinct difference between being confidently assertive, and being too controlling and possessive. Click To Tweet
Being too pushy online
Let me give you an example. You’re on a dating site, and you’re really attracted to this woman’s profile pic. You think that she looks super hot and sexy. You send her a message like, “Hi. What’s your phone number? I’d like to have sex with you.” First of all, right out of the gate, you’re asking her for her phone number without even breaking the ice with her and having a conversation first. Then, you’re mentioning sex, and you haven’t even started talking with her yet! It’s an extreme example of being too pushy on an online dating site, but you get the drift.
Another example is getting her Skype name, and endlessly calling her. If you’re messaging her too much or Skyping her too much, you will reek of desperation. Women don’t want guys who are ‘thirsty’. Thirsty guys will make complete asses of themselves trying to get ‘the digits’, and then they will bug her constantly by being too needy. Personal space is very important. Send her a message, and patiently wait for her reply. Don’t be too thirsty, and don’t message her too much off the bat.
Don’t ask her about her Facebook account while dating. It’s ok to secretly stalk her on Facebook, and check out her photos, but no woman will want to give you her Facebook link after initially getting to know you. In fact, even while you’re dating, you shouldn’t be friends on Facebook until it appears to be secure, exclusive, and you know each other well. This is no joke… I had a girlfriend that didn’t even have me as her friend on Facebook (she blocked me after some argument that I forgot about, and never added me back). It drove me crazy because I wanted us to be close (even on Facebook), but we’re no longer together anyway. I think that social networks say a lot about your relationship, and how solid it is. You should be friends with your girlfriend on Facebook, but not with your dates starting out. If you are friends with your girlfriend on Facebook, make sure that you drop your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife from your friend list unless you like to get interrogated, “Why are you still friends with that skank bitch?” Um… Awkward. Been there, done that.
Being overly assertive and jealous
When was the last time that a woman thought that it was sooooo cute that you’re the jealous and territorial type? Um… Never. Being jealous will do nothing for you. Women love it when you show your masculine and insecure side getting jealous over them on dates… NOT. If you’re out on the coffee date, don’t ask her about the other guys that she’s going out with (your competition), and get jealous with her about guys that you’ve never even seen. You’re not even exclusive yet! Having control and confidence will take you very far with women. Remember that. You can feel jealous about some other guy, but it’s best to just sulk to yourself and not let her see it. Women can use your feelings against you when it suits them.
Women are attracted to assertive men, but when you’re overly assertive and control everything during the date, she’s going to feel suffocated. In other words, don’t talk about yourself the entire date, and don’t be in her face or sit too close to her. She should be touching you if she’s interested in you. She will show you with her subtle body language by slight touching on your arm, hair flips, smiles, batting her eyelashes at you, strong eye contact, these are all wonderful signs! Don’t grab her leg, or get too touchy with her on the initial primer coffee dates. You will freak her out, and she’ll likely give you a womanese line like, “I need to go grocery shopping soon to pick up some dog food. Sorry…”When you're overly assertive and control everything during the date, she's going to feel suffocated. Click To Tweet
Don’t try to control how the date is going with her. Don’t say something like, “I really love this date! What do you think? Be honest with me: would you like to go out with me again?” Just relax, enjoy getting to know her, and let the chips fall where they may. When you ask her too many ‘how am I doing’ questions, you will appear weak, and she will lose her interest level in you instantly. When you try too hard to control the date, it will likely backfire on you. You need to give her some space, and just get to know her, keep the date light and funny, and have fun with her! Also, don’t ask her about her exes or other men; This could end in disaster, with a bomb blowing up in your face.
Insisting on going back to your apartment
You were having a fun date until you insisted on taking her back to your apartment. What woman in her right mind will want to go back to your apartment after the first or second coffee date? You need to get to know each other better first! It doesn’t matter if you look like Brad Pitt — If you insist on taking her back to your dingy apartment after the first date, she’s going to think that you’re creepy and that you just want to get into her pants. How about insisting on paying for the date(s)? Much better… You’re so intelligent now.
The Primer Date should just be for getting to know each other better only. A simple kiss at the end of the date on her cheek will work out just fine, as you walk her to her car. If you insist on taking her back to your place, you are coming across too strong. You need to let her breathe after the primer date, then follow-up with a second or third date. You may even want to wait a few days to call her back and let her think about you for a while. Don’t be too pushy with her. You also shouldn’t be thinking about sex this early in the dating process. You want to build a strong foundation for the relationship with trust and respect.
Give yourself time to get to know her
You will want to give yourself time to get to know her over many dates. Being too aggressive with her or ‘thirsty’, you tend to rush into things too fast. Take a step back, and get to know her first. You may regret rushing into a relationship too fast with her, because you’ll eventually find out what she’s like, and you may not like her personality after you get to know her, after you had sex with her, and you’ve been around her for a while. Take things slowly with her, and proceed with caution. That way, if she freaks you out after getting to know her better, you can politely exit the relationship or situation with her before the water gets too deep.
It will likely take multiple dates to get to know her, and I would suggest slowly learning more about her during each date, rather than rushing into multiple questions on the first date. She should like the thrill of your attention. If you rush into things with her (for instance, getting too physical or expecting too much from her out of the gate), you will scare her off. She may think that you behave like this with most women, and you’re just being too pushy and needy with her. It’s best to take the gentleman approach, rather than the douchebag route with her.
Here are some examples of the consequences of moving too fast with her:
- You’re stuck with her after having sex
- She develops strong feelings for you and gets extremely jealous of other women
- She gets too clingy with you
- She stalks you
- You push her away by being too pushy and aggressive with your behavior
- You’re too needy, and it turns her off
- She ends up being crazy, and now you’re struggling to get out of the relationship
- The relationship becomes toxic very quickly
- You find yourself in a mess taking care of her children that you never even thought about
- You become scared and feel trapped with her, and it leads to substance abuse and more problems
Doesn’t getting to know her slowly sound much better? You can always get out of it if it isn’t working, and rushing into a relationship like a pushy guy will likely lead to many problems. It’s way better to take your time with her.
I warned you. If you’re that guy in a suit wearing that strong cologne, wanting to buy the flashy car off of the lot (that is your next girlfriend), you need to take a long look at yourself in the mirror. Maybe you shouldn’t wear too much cologne, or maybe the previous restraining order taught you a thing or two about how to treat your ladies right. You can still be manly and macho during the date, but don’t be too pushy with her. The next time that you ask her for her digits online too soon, maybe you’ll get ignored again. Dating like anything else in life takes some tactical strategy. So use those dating tips, be yourself, relax and be confident during the initial dates. She may eventually want to take you back to her place because you’re a real man. Take things slowly with her. After getting to really know her and proceeding with caution, she may eventually want to take you back to her place, because you’re a real man and you’re being patient with her.