dating an older man

You have started dating an older man. You are head over heels infatuated with each other and having the time of your life; that is until you get to the point when you have to introduce each other to your friends and family.

Then comes this: you get bombarded by different people wanting to know why you are in this relationship and you are flummoxed at what to say back.

Or: you are joined by a group of his much older friends and they are making references to songs or films, or whatever was current in their era, and you feel lost because you don’t know what they are talking about.

Well, if you don’t want to get caught out I suppose you just need to do a little homework. Maybe you need to know some secret techniques that will improve your overall experience?

Having gone through embarrassments too numerous to count myself with various in-laws and friends throughout my years of life, I have learned a thing or two and I can pass my knowledge on to you. I have come to the conclusion that it just makes sense to be prepared. Apply these techniques that will make your relationship with him even more gratifying. And it will most certainly make your life better.

1. Do some research

Read about the era that your boyfriend grew up. Thank God for Google because there is a wealth of information at your fingertips. You might find that you actually enjoy most of the music or tv programmes of those days, so it won’t be that difficult.

2. Be ready for ironic reactions

Expect some uneasy questions and remarks when you meet each other’s friends and family. You know the ones, ‘Are you after his money’, ‘He is old enough to be your father’, ‘Do you mind being a trophy girlfriend?’, ‘Have you thought about your future?’ Yadda Yadda Yadda. If you get ready for that, they will not throw you out of balance.

3. Stay cool when your relationship is discussed

You are going to be the hot ‘gossip’ for awhile at least, until some other drama that will steal the focus away from you and your man. Try not to be too hurt by people’s comments. They are just trying to deal with it, and they are doing it in the only way they know. Badly.

4. Define what you see in him

Write a mission statement (yes I am deadly serious!) and learn it off by heart, so you can keep repeating it to anyone who asks what you see in him. You could say something like you appreciate courtesy and manners in a man and men of your age don’t seem to have them, or that you crave the stability that an older man can offer you in an emotional way. Ha! That’ll stump them!

5. Accept what comes as a package

You have to realise that he is not alone. He has an ex somewhere, perhaps children and most importantly a former life. Get to know his children and listen when he talks about his ex. Don’t try to steal all of his time. If you are prone to jealousy, this is not the type of relationship for you.

6. Don’t stop being you

Don’t feel like you have to suddenly change your personality to suit his. You are together for a reason, he likes you just the way you are, even if you do feel a little immature at times. Make sure you don’t stop doing the things that you used on doing. Include him in your activities. He will be fascinated by you, and it will be thrilling for him to experience. This will make him want to get to know you even more.

7. Don’t play games

Older men do not know anything about the dating games that their younger counterparts seem to have diplomas in. It is a phenomenon that is reserved for the less mature male, so there is no need to start playing games with your new date or expect him doing that. He knows what a land line is and is not afraid to use it.

8. Plan everything

Don’t get caught short not having all the essentials that you need for a romantic evening. If there is no contraception, there will not be any, and I mean, any, sexy time. This is especially true if your date has children already. Create a ‘just-in-case’ essential date night go pack. In it, have all the indispensables that you would ever need just in case of things turning, you know, serious. Have stuff like condoms, throat spray, etc.

9. Acknowledge his emotional baggage

The older the man, the more experiences, relationship problems and arguments he has had. He has been through lots of breakups and falling out. In fact, he has probably had enough experiences to write a ten thousand word thesis or small booklet. Talk about emotional baggage, no, he probably has a steamer chest or two filled with it. Remember this important information. Why? Well you know there is a saying ‘don’t make the same mistake twice’? That is where he has his stored. All of his mistakes, broken promises, rants, moaning, forgotten dates, lies and cockiness and the list goes on. Don’t worry. They are in there safely stored away, not ever to be used in new relationships.

10. Don’t get in the way of his responsibilities

Being mature, he may hold a managerial post, or have his own business, either way, he has more responsibility at work, therefore works above and beyond what is normally necessary. Be sure to make allowances for this. Schedule your dates, but don’t fly off the handle if he needs to cancel at the last minute.

11. Don’t pinpoint the age gap

Depending on his sense of humour, don’t go on about how wide the age gap is. You can marvel at it from time to time. That’s fine. But to constantly mention it, conveys a message that you think it sucks. It doesn’t matter which way you try and sweeten it up and cover it over if you are repeatedly saying he is an old fogey. Eventually, he will develop a hang up over it. And thus cause the relationship to go into decline.

12. Learn from his experiences

Hopefully being mature means he have learnt a thing or two along with his steamer trunks full of emotional turmoils. So, you can learn a lot from him, and he can learn a lot from you by looking at problems or suggestions from a younger perspective.

With so much conspiring against you, you are probably wondering what makes you so alluring? What on earth did he see in you? Well, one of the obvious answers is youth. Yeah. You remind them of their younger, carefree days.

But don’t be mistaken that this is the only reason why you and he are dating. He surely saw something in your personality that drew him to you. Something maybe his friends and family just cannot fathom out. Don’t fall into their trap. Be armed with knowledge and don’t stumble when dating an older man. Just be ready.

Image: flickr

Jennifer is a soon to be recovered narcissistic abuse survivor who writes about relationships and dating. She likes helping those who have problems with getting over their ex.

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