In the olden days of lore, the idea of being catfished was accidentally catching a gross, slimy, bottom feeder on your fishing pole whilst on a day when you wanted something larger, beautiful, and more edible. It’s similar to online dating in the modern days, because what you may get isn’t exactly what you’re seeking to find. In other words, you can be approached by somebody who lures you with a fake online persona that you will never meet in real life.

Catfishers primarily target lonely gullible guys with the intention of sucking your wallet dry. They may reside in Nigeria or some other African country, fooling you into thinking that they’re really the beautiful, pretty, perky, nice legged, round booty woman in the profile pic.

In fact, I’ve encountered so many scammers myself, that I’m choosing to write an article about getting catfished to save your time and sanity. My goal is to hit you over the head with a massive and imaginary sledgehammer with my words — to wake you up, if you are falling victim to scammers.

She’s a gorgeous woman and she loves you

It seems a bit strange and odd that the best looking woman on the dating site that you’re on only has eyes for you, doesn’t it? She looks like she’s a hot model, and the other options are… well… real local women that you’d actually meet up with in real life. Maybe she’s… fake?

You have to use your intuitive abilities that you were born with to determine who’s real and who’s most likely fake online. You’re probably being catfished, and it’s not always for your money. Perhaps it could be a guy posing as an attractive female to size-up his competition online. (I’m aware that some guys do this). Or maybe it’s just a loser with nothing better in his life to do than fool other guys online that irritate him in his real life. Or, better yet, perhaps it’s your clever ex-girlfriend spying on you with a fake profile? Whatever the reason, don’t waste your time with phony dating profiles, if you sense that something is wrong. Listen to your intuition. Use the Force, Luke.

If she’s really attractive, and wants to know everything about you immediately, she’s probably fake. If she only has 2 photos up on her profile, and they both don’t look similar to each other, she’s probably fake. If she can’t type real English, and misspells everything, she’s probably some foreign dude wanting to scam you. Got it? Good!

She wouldn’t send her selfie or phone number

This is simple methodology that will weed out most of the fake profiles on dating sites. If you ask her for a selfie, this will really help, however be aware that (he) probably already has a selfie ready of the wonderful fake female who is luring you online. You must judge for yourself whether or not she’s legitimate. Listen to your intuition and gut (can you listen to your gut?) If something feels catfishy about it, don’t buy into it. If you’re texting her, and she gives you some lame excuse why she can’t send you a selfie, like you’re being too selfish, how dare you ask me for that, and other nonsense, take it as a red flag. You will need to use your investigative abilities to determine if she’s really the sexy woman that she’s claiming to be in the profile photo.

If you ask her for her phone number, and she gives you some ridiculous excuse that she doesn’t have a phone, her grandma has it, she damaged her phone in a tornado, or she accidentally dropped her phone in the toilet, she’s fake. Don’t continue chatting with her (him). You’re just wasting your time. Simply report the profile to the dating or social media site, so that they will take the fake profile down. That’s the risk of online dating, and you should be prepared to shoot down the phony culprits.

She is connected to multiple men

If she’s connected to multiple men on her social media, she’s likely fake. Men are complimenting her, sending her thoughtful comments, online flowers and heart emoji, gawking at her, yet… She’s really a guy posing as a beautiful female. Don’t be like the pack of guys who don’t use their skills, intuition, or brain. Just block her, or report the profile as fraudulent.

You can tell a lot about a woman by her friends, and if she’s connected to a mass of shady guys who look like they haven’t seen the light of day and desperately want her attention, she’s most likely using them to get their information, contacts, or their money online… but she’s a he, and he’s lowlife pond scum.

She doesn’t have a Facebook profile

Hopefully you have the skills to ask her for her Facebook profile, so that you can secretly stalk her online to see if she’s indeed the real woman who she’s claiming to be. If you notice that her Facebook profile was created yesterday, or sometime earlier in the month, and she only has a few photos that she posted, she’s likely fake. She may also have fake friends, fake news feeds, connected to Donald Trump while reading fake news, and she has the shady guy connections to boot. C’mon, man! She’s baiting you! She’s really a guy that is disgusting… scratching his balls and picking his belly button behind his cheap PC while pigging out on cheesy Cheetos and licking his orange and dirty fingers.

You may ask her for her Facebook profile, and she may reply that ‘she’s not on Facebook’. Ok… Like just about everyone’s on Facebook, but she’s not? Just another red flag to add to the pile of rubbish. You should doubt ‘her’. Don’t be afraid to ask her some intrusive questions so that you can decipher if she’s real, fraudulent, or if you’re just too stupid.

That’s the CliffsNotes version of catfishing. Don’t be afraid to use your investigative skills and intuition. Intuition is your built-in bullshit detector, after all. The next time that you run into that slimy bottom feeder catfisher, you will know what to do about it. Never send someone your hard earned money, and don’t be a gullible schmuck. I’m here to save you from your impending doom. You’re welcome.


William is a graphic designer and creative writer. One of his favourite interests is reading books about relationships. He recommends ‘How to Succeed with Women’ and Doc Love’s ‘The System’. He has two adorable children that he enjoys spending time with. William is currently single and is preparing for his next relationship. You can follow him on Twitter.

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