After a long time alone, it is time for a change. We go through stages of independence and choice whilst single, versus the loneliness and desperation to share life with another stage of being single. I suspect dependant on daily life challenges within all aspects work, home life and social. Due to separate events this can deviate the course on which your emotional and mental state of mind may influence your feelings towards your relationship status. You finally get to the decision: let’s go an a date! The excitement kicks in that you might actually meet your future partner. But then the first date anxiety creeps up to you: what if we don’t connect? What if I am not ready for this?
The first impression
“Is it …?” “Beulah, yes it is, nice to meet you”. Firstly on a date there’s nothing to make you feel more anxious and nervous than how to pronounce somebody’s unusual, or unusually hard to pronounce name, For example Beulah, my name that is. I’m sure you will be saying it aloud now or within your thoughts and still getting it incorrect. The first moments of the date prove to already be difficult, however if you manage to land graciously with someone named Steve or Katie, you are already winning by getting the meet & greet correct.
We then sit and draft up mindfully, what each of us is looking for in one another. Although that may all go to pot, as your only thought is on trying not to sweat profusely, which clearly will begin to happen as it’s the only single thought you are focusing on at this time. If you are then lucky enough to be dating someone who is comfortable and can make you feel at ease about being nervous, bonus! bonus! bonus! If both of you are nervous it is likely to start and finish with a whole heap of awkwardness and silences.
How well do you express yourself?
The way I have started to look at it, is that in order to find someone you have common ground and interests with, you need to be able to communicate well. Dig deep and look around the obvious.
Each new conversation should provide an insight to their likes and dislikes and enable you to assist making decisions and forming emotions. Does this require a further date to find out more about this person? Or maybe you’ll be questioning yourself: “Would it be rude if I went to the bathroom right now?” Neither decision to be made too hastily.
Not everyone can fully express themselves. Fear can restrict you from releasing that inner character. Just remember that the key elements you left out from your personality, you know, the weird bits, your quirks, were in fact the pieces missing that your last date was looking for in their partner. Just saying.
Dating has been invented so you can try before you buy. Use your chance to find out whom you are about to engage in some form of a relationship with based not only on their physical appearance, but also on mental and emotional compatibility.
What is there to lose?
We may well meet our soul mate, your best mate or just that person you really didn’t rate. But honestly, what were you really ever going to lose? Either way you will walk away with a new reflection on your date requirements, and it can never be a bad thing to have learnt something else about yourself and your needs.
Don’t expect to find who you want to partner with if you are unsure of who you are. Maybe you are looking for a new part of you and not necessarily for a new relationship. Try to expose your needs from early on in a relationship and look for someone who can match your energy and personality.
To conclude, go all in. Make yourself look and feel amazing and ensure that your date feels the same. Imagine that you only have one chance to really let somebody know who you are. Instead of sharing facts, share your experiences and challenges, future goals and aspirations. You will soon find it is easy to grasp a connection. Fight the fear, leap off and change the script.