You say you want to be in a relationship, a good one, one that lasts – but do you really? Maybe you don’t even realise that you could be sabotaging yourself – and your love life – by doing a whole lot of things that will surely keep you single forever.
If you find that you are actively doing any of the following things, you may want to reconsider your strategy!
Play games with your dates
You gage success by who calls who or who calls first. You dodge and weave honesty whenever you get the chance. Smoke and mirrors are your shtick to keep them from seeing the real you. The need to keep score and to be right, that’s your number one priority.
Look, if you can’t just be you in a relationship without all the cat and mouse game playing, it’s never going to get off the ground. You need to be comfortable with this person. You need to be able to wear what you like, eat what you like, and basically just be yourself. Owning who you are and presenting yourself honestly is crucial.
Don’t admit you are in a relationship
You know sometimes, you’re out with your friends, having a few drinks. Suddenly some (hot) random guy strikes up conversation. You’re chatting, having a good time, then bam – the question: ‘Are you seeing anyone?’
If you find yourself hesitating, knowing that as soon as you say ‘yes’ they’re going to hit the bricks – or worse yet, find yourself lying just to keep your options open – your current relationship is more than likely going to go down in flames.
Try to change them
I’ve said it before – one of the best conversations I’ve ever eavesdropped on… a recently engaged woman talking with a colleague says, ‘I knew he was the one because there was nothing about him I wanted to change’.
Except that’s not the case with you. In fact, it’s quite the opposite, right? You look at every relationship as a project and systematically work on changing them, making them ‘better’. Clothes, hair, style, manners and viewpoints – it’s all there for the changing.
If you can’t accept the person for whom they are and what they stand for, then this isn’t the person for you and this relationship is doomed.
Use silent treatment as a punishment
Instead of communicating when there’s a problem and you’re upset, you turn to silence as a form of punishment. This is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship, and the fact that you do it often should be a warning sign to both you and your partner.
To say, “I need a bit of time to cool down” is one thing, but to completely shut down is another thing entirely. It isn’t fair and it creates the most uncomfortable of environments that no good relationship can thrive in.
You have a habit of jumping on every little thing just so you can have an argument. Nothing they do is good enough and you let them know it at every turn. Your ability to switch situations around to your favour is dazzling and they often are left not knowing which way is up.
This type of verbal dynamite may give you the feeling being in control and being the stronger, smarter one, but in the long run, it’s going to get you nowhere fast.
Nobody likes to be picked at and nobody respects a bully. Sure, they might be scared of you, but is that really what you want? And honestly, can you say it’s working for you when at the end of the day it’s just you and your television?
Be regularly dismissive
They come to you with a problem, and you roll your eyes. Their topics bore you and it’s all you can do to feign interest.
Bottom line is that you’re not that interested in what’s going on in their lives and you have no qualms about letting it show. You’ve got bigger things to worry about than their trivial happenings.
Not being on the same page as your partner is a big problem. Not being able to show empathy or interest is another one, and if you find that’s the position you are regularly in, it’s no surprise things aren’t working out the way you would like.
Don’t believe that the little things matter
I’ve taken a lot of life lessons from the Wedding Singer, which IMHO is Adam Sandler’s only movie worth watching. As it turns out, the little things matter a lot.
Except you don’t believe that relationships are rooted in being caring and considerate, and that they grow from paying attention to the little things. Meh, you say, who cares about such trivial matters?
Well – most people do, and they love it when people do that extra little something to make them happy. It’s the flower made out of peaches in your oatmeal, the note in your lunch bag you find when you get to work. It’s letting someone have the window seat so they can see the lights of Vegas for the first time or letting them have the last gingersnap cookie.
If you can’t get on board with that type of thinking, your status may stay stuck on Single for longer than you’d like.
If finding true love is really what you want, yet you find yourself falling into any of these seven relationship routines, you’ll want to rethink your approach to things. Of course, it’s your choice to continue following these steps, but you will surely stay single forever if you do.