deal with a break up

No one wants their relationship to come to an end, but as we all know, they do. Sometimes it is truly better to cut and run rather than trying to fix something that you both know is not good.

There are so many reasons that people break up and there is very few instances where the break up is a mutual decision. Someone normally gets hurt and break ups can be amicable or they can be nasty. No matter what kind of break up you’ve had there are always cardinal rules you should stick to to make sure you come the other end in one piece. Here are 5 things that you should avoid doing when trying to deal with a break up.

1. Avoid drunk texting or calling

We all know and we’ve all been there. Do not lie to yourself. You know as well as I do that in the midst of a break up the alcohol is always flowing and you are going to want to either drunkenly sob down the phone about how much you miss them or on the other hand how much you hate them and that you hope they burn in hell. Neither is good. Come morning, with the hangover you don’t want to have to deal with a dose of shame. There is only so much a bacon sandwich can heal. The best thing you can do to heal is to delete their number. Give it to a friend if you need to be in touch with your ex but delete all means of contact from your phone. Do whatever it takes for you to avoid that drunk dial.

2. Stop stalking them on Facebook

It goes hand in hand with deleting all contact. This one is not to stop you talking but to save your heart ache. Eventually they will meet someone else and you don’t want to have to see their new loved up selfies because it will just prolong your sadness. Even if they don’t meet someone else for a while, stalking you ex on Facebook leads to a whole other set of emotions that you don’t need to deal with when you are healing after the break up. Seeing them checking in at the place you both used to go for coffee or seeing them hanging out with mutual friends will make you rethink your relationship and relive the break up again and again. Be strong, concentrate on filling your own social media with fun activities and new hobbies you have taken up. Before long, when you finally do have a peek on their page you won’t care what they are up to because you are having too much fun.

3. Don’t delay closure

This is the biggy – closure. Everyone needs it but everyone gets it in different ways. Some need their ex to know how much they hurt them. Some need to never speak to their ex again and some need to get under someone else. Whichever way you get closure you wont be able to begin to heal unless you have no need to contact your ex again. Get your stuff back. May it be as simple as a toothbrush and a hair dryer or it might be dividing up your home, you need to get that part of your break up over. The handing back of the stuff has a finality to it which will bring some closure on its own and then you can work on your own closure and begin to move on.

4. Don’t compare new dates to your ex

The time will come when you feel ready to get back out there. The biggest mistake you can make is to compare you new date to you ex. Your old relationship had an intimacy, inside jokes and an easiness to it. Your new date shouldn’t be held up to this. Don’t allow your craving of the familiar blind you to something new. The intimacy will come and with time you will have new inside jokes but they will be different. Don’t rush your new relationships or they will fail before they start, holding them up to a standard that they can match simply because they are new.

5. Don’t act immature

The hardest thing to do when your are going through a break up is to save face. Everyone wants to turn into the crazy ex and scream at them until your throat is hoarse. Unless you are prepared to move to a different city or country, you will bump into them again. I can almost guarantee that it will not be when you are out looking your best and dancing the night away with all your friends. You will however bump into them when you have thrown on a dirty jumper over your tracksuit bottoms and haven’t had a shower for more days than you would like to admit, you’ve gone out to get milk and you haven’t brushed your hair yet. Instead of hiding behind the magazine rack, you stand tall and walk over with a smile and be polite. This is the hardest of all the steps. But I promise the first time will be the worst and then its done. Walk away with your head held high and leave them thinking about you.

Break ups are tough. There is nothing easy about any aspect of it. Regardless if you are initiating the break up or you are the recipient, the road ahead will not be an easy one. One thing you should remember is that every day it will get easier and easier until you don’t think about them anymore. You can do it and before you know it you’ll meet the one and you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Image: flickr

Gillian is a journalism graduate so these days spends most of her time working in bars. She loves writing, mainly focusing on fiction but writes anything she can get her hands on. Gillian has been with her boyfriend for 8 years and they have just returned from a 5-month road trip around the USA.

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