how to have a successful relationship

Isn’t it true everyone wants to have a happy relationship but has no idea or clue where to begin? Have you read articles, asked your friends, gotten advice from counsellors on how to have a successful relationship and still have problems within that field? Have you had unsuccessful relationships and carry fear of getting hurt? Have you watched romantic movies and wondered where your fairy tale romance is and why you have not experienced this before? If these questions have entered your mind , then this article is for you.

Learn to love yourself

We have been taught to search outside of ourselves for love; to find that perfect person to make us happy. So many romance novels and movies besides society’s erroneous rules along with religious teachings has everyone completely lost and confused. Most people now fear commitment and afraid of being hurt which keeps them from the love they search for. The truth is we are not to search outside of ourselves for love but the love you are all searching for is the love of yourself. You actually need to heal yourself and love yourself first unconditionally before you can even think of having a healthy loving relationship.

There are many universal laws that most of you are not even aware of but the one I am referring to is The Law Of Attraction. This law clearly states you must love yourself first unconditionally before you can attract unconditional love to you. So many people will tell you they love themselves unconditionally but they don’t. Loving yourself is the key to a happy life. If you put others before you because you believe it’s the proper way to be, then you do not love yourself unconditionally. Why you may ask? When you put others before you out of duty or responsibility you are telling yourself that you are not important.

Have we not been told that if we put ourselves first then we are being selfish? This actually was a ploy to keep everyone unhappy and confused. Everyone searches outside of themselves for love which also creates judgments of others and of yourselves. How many of you follow rules on what is right thing to say and do? How many pretend to be someone they are not to hopefully impress the person you are trying to get with? I can list many examples that I am sure all of you can relate to which hasn’t worked for you. Our world is going through major changes where no relationship that is not based on unconditional love will last no matter what you believe. The Law of Attraction also states that until you love yourself unconditionally first you will only attract lessons and challenging relationships no matter how they began.

Get rid of your expectations

In truth, you are your own creator. You are responsible for everything that happens in your life. We have been programmed to point fingers at others and blame them for our own problems. Everyone is a reflection of you. You attract to you your feelings. Everything comes from you. Do you use negative words to describe your ex mates or current love? Do you judge others behaviour or carry expectations and or expect certain outcomes based on what you feel is of value? When you learn and realise you create and draw people into your life just by your words and feelings, you will see what I am saying is correct.

Firstly, get rid of all your rules and expectations. Expectations only create disappointments. Rules are not needed as wherever your heart leads you or how you feel is all that matters. Keep your mind out which is your ego and learn to follow your heart. There are no specific rules or formulas for relationship bliss. Realising that your thoughts and words have drawn your experiences to you so therefore you and only you are responsible for your own outcomes. When you truly feel in your heart that you are your own creator you will see how others reflect your words and feelings.

When you change your own thoughts, your outcome changes. A perfect example is a time that I had negative thoughts about men. I was online dating and noticed that all I attracted to me were men who only wanted me for sex. I couldn’t figure out why my girlfriends were being asked out for dinner or coffee dates and all I got was “Can I just come over?” What words or thoughts did I have? I always thought men were only interested in me for sex. Because I believed that, I attracted that experience to me. I quickly changed my thoughts and words to positive statements. I would say, all men are respectful and treat me as such. Just this simple saying changed my outcome whereas I only began attracting respectful men.

Project your positive thoughts

If you could take a minute and reflect on your own history of dating you will begin to notice how you draw others to you that match your own thinking. The other side of this coin is most of you have no idea of parts of yourself that you are not even aware of. For instance anyone who challenges you are showing you the dark side of yourself; the self you are not aware of.

If you always attract unavailable men or woman into your life they are telling you that you are not available. You might think you are but until you work on yourself and love yourself unconditionally first, you are not available. If you attract cheaters you are cheating yourself about something. If you attract liars, you are lying to yourself. Everyone reflects your feelings. When you love yourself first, you can only attract someone who loves you as much as you love yourself. When you judge others you are only judging yourself.

Create the future you desire

In order to have a successful relationship with others you must start with you. It is very important to forgive everyone in your life who you feel has wronged you. Step back from the situation and say, “thank you for coming into my life and teaching me what I needed to change about myself”. Then let them go with peace and love. Work on healing yourself and your heart by saying affirmations about yourself. Always begin with “I am”. I am healed. I am love. I am all that I am and all that I am is love. I am loving. I am forgiving. We are only energy who vibrate at different levels. You want to raise your vibration to draw a healed person to you.

After you accomplished this, write down all the qualifications you desire. When you meet someone see if they fit your list. Ask yourself if they are right for you not if you are right for them. Remember, it’s all about you. Be yourself and if someone is not interested in you it just means you are not a match. So many people take it personally when it has nothing to do with you. Live in the present moment. Your past is an illusion and your future is your creation. You have the power to create whatever you desire. Talk to your ideal mate as if they exist by saying how much you appreciate whatever your heart desires as if they are already in your life. Release all expectations and outcomes by living in the present.

I always use others as a barometer on how I am doing. If you attract loving people then you know you are loving and healed. Never go into a relationship expecting someone to change. Ask yourself if you can love that person unconditionally. A healed loving relationship are two people who are able to be themselves without expectations, jealousy, and control. You come together as two whole people who are truthful, open and honest and who support each other. Relationships then become a choice and not a necessity.

Our world is based on love. When you love yourself you are free. Free of dramas, free of hurt, judgements and expectations. Life is not to be rushed as you have all the time in the world. The only energies that exists on this planet are fear or love. If you live in judement, control, expectations, and worry you live in fear energy. When you are in love energy your world is magical. Which world do you want to live in? The choice is always yours.

Maxine is reiki master practitioner at Reiki by Maxine. She teaches others how their lives have been based on erroneous thinking. She is here to explain the real meaning of relationships to help you help yourselves. Mexine’s life has been all about relationships. This was part of her destiny to learn and grown and analyse truths so as to help others succeed.


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