With new dating apps constantly being created, how are any of us supposed to know from the “It’s a Match!” that the person is your soul mate? Or from the moment where your eyes caught each other in the pub? Is he the one?
It can be so difficult with all the ‘what if’s’ and butterflies. I can’t count how many times I have used the phrase ‘mixed signals’. Here are 10 signs that he really isn’t the right guy for you. Read on, learn what those red flags are and let me make dating a bit easier.
1. Your friends don’t approve it
A guy can blind you with his attractiveness. It can be as simple as that, and you don’t notice it. So, tell your friends about him and listen to what they say. By listen, I don’t just mean nod along and do what you were going to do anyway – though, I know that can be hard. Your friends aren’t fools and they have your best interests at heart. When you spill the beans on the ‘new guy’, if your best friend in the world tells you she thinks he sound like an idiot, he probably is. Little Mix don’t sing “he’ll never realize what he’s got until it’s gone” for no reason. So, listen to your friends when they tell you he doesn’t deserve you and look to better things.
2. Gold digger or goal digger
Ambition is attractive as hell. By ambition, I don’t mean he’s loaded, got a snazzy car and showers you with gifts. Ask yourself if he works hard. Has he got a dream? Is he working tirelessly Monday to Friday for something he has always wanted and then takes you out Saturday night? Money doesn’t grow on trees but money isn’t the be all and end all. Seeing the fire in someone’s eyes when they talk about what their life goals, that’s the drive I mean. As nice as it might be to be driven to the pub in an Audi, don’t fool yourself. It’s a piece of metal and you deserve someone who wants to give you the world.
3. He doesn’t respect you
Respect can be hard to define, but it’s at the heart of a relationship and if he doesn’t have it for you, it could be time for a little re-evaluation. When something is bothering him or getting him down, does he come to you for advice or someone to talk to? When a guy actively seeks your opinion, he digs you. By ‘actively seeking your opinion’, that’s telling you what’s on his mind, asking if he’s interrupting you from an important task (and if he is, he’ll leave you to it) or involving you in his decisions. The bottom line is this: If your man doesn’t respect you and your personal space, you need a new man – or even better, you just need you.
4. You are at the end of his priority list
Make sure he puts you first. The right guy will worship the ground you walk on, so much so that you won’t even need to question how important you are to him. You’ll just know. Unprompted, he will treat you and tell you he loves you, with the occasional exception of family emergencies and others like it. But if your guy is putting you on the shelf until he wants something for himself, let me remind you that not everyone you lose is a loss. Cyndi Lauper explains that girls “wanna be the one to walk in the sun” so if he keeps you for himself, you need to get out of that for your own good.
5. He is not close with his family
I was once told that “a son is a son until he finds a wife, but a daughter is daughter for all of your life”. This may be true, but have you ever noticed how he treats his mum and younger sister? His interaction with his family will show you a lot. A healthy mother-and-son relationship with clear signs of respect, adoration and care hints he might just love you to pieces. Does he get protective over his younger sister? Does he respect his mum enough to call her up and visit her when he can? If you answered ‘no’ to both of those questions, that might just be a screaming not-so-gentleman signal.
6. Little things that add up
‘It’s the little things’ is an overused phrase, but it’s true and we need to remember how important it is. If your man doesn’t want to know about your day, if he doesn’t send you those spontaneous, unexpected, heart-fluttering messages, then let remind you that in the end it’s the little things that add up to be the big thing.
7. He can’t decide what he wants
As important as it is to not forget that guys are human too, a guy in a relationship knows what he wants; the answer should be you. Is your date hot and cold? Does he leave you hanging on that cringey ‘read’ receipt, but then says something sweet and funny in response to your text? Guys, it drives girls mad when you ignore us and then sign your message with a kiss. Hesitancy is unattractive. Girls, life is too short so don’t live in limbo. If he can’t decide if he wants to give you his attention or that he wants yours, then decide for him.
8. He is a bad conversationalist
He’s cute, he’s tall and you could get lost in his eyes. I didn’t say a name but he popped up into your head, didn’t he? As heavenly as it sounds, there’s something missing here. Guys, if you can hold an intellectual conversation, you are instantly more attractive. I’m not saying leave your guy if he doesn’t talk politics. I’m giving you a gentle reminder that if your ‘conversation’ consists of one too many awkward silences, followed by a ‘what’s on the TV’ grunt, this is a sign. Girls, he’s probably jealous of you, you intelligent thing. The right guy will do anything to hear your opinion.
9. Pressure to have sex
“So when are you going to want to, you know?” For the girls who have heard that before, I personally encourage you to ditch his sorry self. The same goes for if you’ve been on the receiving end of that cheeky smile with the eyebrow flicker. If he pressures you, lose him. With this one, it really is that simple. The right guy won’t even joke about it. As much as you think that’s just him trying to flirt with you, it’s not. It’s his mind handing you a “I’m in it for the physical” signal on a silver platter. If this sounds all too familiar, don’t succumb to his pressure to have sex and don’t give in to his testosterone peaks. Pack your self-respect, dignity, your best lippy and walk. Be the one he’ll be sorry he let get away, and nothing less.
10. He talks about his Ex
I’ve put this one last because it’s the elephant in the room. You don’t want to hear about her and he knows it. Everyone, almost, has them which is why it’s such a tricky subject. But take notice. If him bringing that dull conversation to the table is getting familiar, it might be time to leave. You’ll more than likely know how much is too much just by the way he talks about her. But if you’re still undecided, that’s your decision. ‘The One’ won’t want to talk about his past because he’ll know his present is you. You’re his gift and the future.
So there you have it. If you’re seeing any of these signs sneaking their way into your relationship and you are questioning yourself “Is he the one?”, my advice is to call it a day. You only get 365 days in a year and life is just too short to waste a single one. Next time, you’re at his house, see if he’s rude to his mum or helps her with the dishes. Ask yourself if he treats you well in all the ways a man can. If the answer is anything less than a Princess, he ain’t your Prince.