Is it difficult for you to meet women online between work or school? Perhaps you happen to run across your ideal date, but they are in a relationship, married, or – even worse for you – expecting? It’s not completely hopeless. We can get on dating sites and peruse the potential possibilities!
Online dating can be a bit intimidating at first, but with some simple preparation, it can be useful to at least get you some dates, and get you out there on the dating scene. You have to realise that this is merely what I’d like to call ‘an interview process’. I know that you probably don’t want to compare dating to a job, but this is your opportunity to go out on dates, and ‘interview’ your next potential girlfriend.
I must admit that it is easier for me to meet women online than in real life. Ideally, you want to have the best of both worlds: meet them on a dating site, have some conversation through messaging to get to know each other, get their phone number, and finally plan the first date. I will outline the strategies necessary to ensure your success with meeting women online and getting dates.
Create a profile that pops
Dating is extremely superficial. Women will judge you simply by your photos, and vice-versa. You need to pick a snazzy online profile pic of yourself to start ‘fishing’ for potential mates. You’ll want to use at least a photo of you suited-up, and a casual photo of yourself smiling and showing off your pearly whites. By all means, avoid your favourite shirtless muscle bathroom shot with shades. You may think that you look pretty cool, but you will look like a douche nozzle to them. You may consider a dynamic photo angle of yourself suited-up in your dating profile pic to stand out from the pack.
Feel free to retouch your profile photo in Photoshop, or you can put a cool Instagram filter on it, but don’t overdo it. You want to resemble what you actually look like in real life, or women will end up being disappointed on the date. Try to pick out 4-6 photos that show you smiling, serious, doing fun things outside, etc. You want to appear fun to them, and look like someone who they would actually see themselves going out with. Avoid pics that make you look lazy, overweight, photos with your ex-girlfriend (Hello?), or selfies that just don’t look very well that you may have taken with a hangover.
Next is your bio. It’s best to keep it to the point, and be honest about what you’re looking for. Don’t reveal too much about yourself. You want to give her the opportunity to get to know you without being an open book.
Chat with women of interest
Once you create your profile, it’s time to get into the dating game. Swiper, start swiping! Be prepared to witness a Russian Roulette of uninspiring, underwhelming photos of women who you can never see yourself dating. That’s a good 85-90% of the profiles. Be prepared to swipe left, and don’t break your hand off. You will see frizzy woman, homely woman, the woman with a few teeth, the brown woman with bleached hair who fell asleep in the tanning booth, the mean woman who hates men, the woman that doesn’t know anything about photography, the extremely attractive woman with only one photo to show for herself (Guess what? She’s fake).
After perusing your options (or in my case, lack of options), you can pick a few out of the crowd to start a conversation with. First, you must be very selective. Some women will stalk you online incessantly. You will get a few threatening messages if you don’t respond, or you may get one of the mean man-haters calling you out. ‘You are so full of yourself! You are so conceited!’ You know, things of that nature. To which, you don’t engage with her, unless you enjoy arguing with complete strangers online.
I usually send an initial message like ‘Hi! I dig your profile’. Do not just say ‘Hey’ or merely wink at them. Women hate that. I know this for a fact, because sometimes they actually write about it in their bios. For God Sakes, read her profile first! They want you to take an interest in them, not just message them because they’re pretty! You can reference that you love watching that show as well, or that band is killer, and I loved their concert! Get a conversation started and flowing. You will be more passionate about mutual activities that you both have an interest in.
Some of the best and most attractive women are outside of your area code or timezone. Location can be a bummer, but you can learn more about women from chatting with interesting ones online, even if they live on another continent! Unfortunately, this is life. At least you get some good practice chatting.
You will get some incoming messages, so be prepared. I often just don’t respond to women who are interested in me. I know that this sounds a bit snobbish, but I know what I’m looking for, and they aren’t it. I’m nice, but I don’t wish to be sucked-up into something that I know I will eventually need to escape. Some women don’t respond to me either, so it goes both ways.
Close the deal
Do not keep messaging them if they don’t respond. Move onto the next one. If they do respond, gauge their interest level, and if they want to go out on a date, ask for their phone number and close the deal! Once you get their phone number, you can have some leverage with planning dates, and communicating with them via text message.
Keep in mind that this is only leading up to the coffee date, where you will get to know them better as a person and face-to-face. Every close is more practice, and every woman is more practice for more dating. You don’t need to hit a home run or grand slam every single time.
Let’s discuss this further. You can’t win them all. That means that some women that you’re interested in won’t respond to you, and some women will give their phone numbers out, and may change their minds about you. Or perhaps with the more that you communicate with them and get to know them over text, you may change your mind about them.
Once you have their number, add it to your phone with their first name. Avoid women asking for your email, or women with only one hot profile pic, because they’re either spammers or scammers. Don’t be an idiot! Know the real women from the fakes!
Start planning the date
Don’t text her too much before the date. Keep it short and sweet. Schedule the date, and tell her that you’ll see her then. If she texts you more, just keep it funny, witty, and polite. Then don’t text her again until the date, and avoid the dating site, because she may find out that you’re not paying attention to her! You do not want to blow it by telling her too much about yourself before the first date. Trust me on this! Save the conversation for the date.
Don’t send her a bunch of heart emoji or other ridiculous emoji. You don’t even know her yet, and you’re judging her from her pics on the dating site. You will want to break the ice with her to see if you have chemistry or not. Save the cute emoji until you know that she’s the one that you want to go out with. If you end up sending her multiple heart emojis before you really get to know her first, you may regret it. She may start clinging to you, and now you’re in a real mess. You should always be respectful, sincere, and playful with your texting.
It’s up to you as a guy to plan your dates. Don’t leave it up to them. You need to be the assertive one in control. First, assess her location as opposed to your location, and plan it within their driving range, so you’re showing them consideration. Over an hour driving is too far to meet up. Next, schedule the date, time, and location. Coffee dates are ideal for initially getting to know each other, and having good conversation. Another good idea is just meeting up at the food court in shopping mall.
Show up a little early or on time. Women hate it when you’re late. They should be the ones to show up late. Dress for the occasion. Don’t look like a bum.
Find the right chemistry
You will have to meet her in person to see if there’s chemistry or not. If there isn’t, just be kind and politely go home, delete her number from your phone, and move on. Also, try to be respectful, and concentrate on one woman at a time. If you want to hustle more, go for it. I wouldn’t advise this, however, because she will categorize you as a ‘Player’ and won’t trust you anymore.
You can usually tell if she’s into you or not. If she twirls her hair and her eyes flutter while she talks to you during the date, this is a good sign! If she taps you or smiles a lot, that is a good sign as well. Another good sign is if she leans into you while you are walking.
If she’s staring at the guy walking in the door, beware. She’s on the prowl, and you’re obviously not good enough for her. Another bad sign is if she has to cancel because something important has come up, like her pet fish is dying at home, or her grandma died the very minute that you were supposed to meet-up with her for your date.
You will have to make the choice if you want to go out with her again or not. It may take you a few dates, but I can usually tell during the first date. Be prepared to get a lot of dates that don’t work before you (hopefully) find the right fit, and someone special who will work out for you. There’s nothing wrong with being selective. They do it to us, so why can’t we do it to them?
Be prepared for failures
Be prepared that most of the dates won’t work out for you. You will run into women who will stand you up, unfairly judge you, don’t look anything like their profile pic, they will tell you about their psycho stalker ex, they will wear strong perfume during the date, some can be crazy whack-jobs, some will schedule the next date with you, and then change their mind about it after your hopes are up, and give you some lame excuse why they can’t make it out. Some will just use you to buy her wine for the evening, merely for self-indulgence.
Don’t expect too much starting out. As long as you’re getting out there practicing and enjoying yourself, there is nothing to lose (except for your money), so keep practicing!
In the meantime, read some books about dating and relationships. Learn some stuff. Learn more about how women like to be treated, what pleases them, and what actually works! There are plenty of resources available at your local bookstore.
Define what you want and prioritise
Another thing that may help you is a list of values that you are looking for and a list of things that you don’t want. Prioritise them in order of importance. There is nothing wrong with being prepared for what you desire in a girlfriend.
Are you looking for a motherly type? Someone without kids? Someone who is pretty and intelligent? Maybe you don’t want a rigid or ‘my way or the highway’ type of woman? Maybe you want a flexible giver instead? Or… perhaps you don’t want a women who hates sports or video games? Is stubbornness a huge turn-off for you? Do you want a friendly wholesome woman, or a flaming hot vixen? Start thinking about what you want and don’t want, so that it will help you while going out on your initial dates.
Keep your list in mind during the dates, and make sure that you stick to your guns. You can always revise your list or change some things. It will keep you focused on the kind of woman you’re pursuing.
If you’ve been single for a while, enjoy it while it lasts. Spend extra time with your family, and pursue your interests and passions in life. Women like that anyway. They appreciate a guy with goals and someone who is self-motivated with their life interests.
Be aware of turn-ons and turn-offs
Most women like guys who are self-motivated, employed, confident, and career-oriented. Bad qualities that will turn them off are: bad breath, sloppiness (not well-groomed), being boring (not very funny and interesting), anxiousness (not calm and relaxed), insecurity, lack of attentiveness, rigidness, cockiness, arrogance, poor education, clumsiness, driving a crappy vehicle.
Turn-ons are: confidence, pleasant to be around, good communication skills, intelligence, creativity, openness and flexibility, empathy, motivation, good smell and nice attire, unique style.
Try to be aware of what you’re really talented with, and what you can improve on. Use your best qualities to your advantage. Practice improving the things that you struggle with. The more practice, the better you will become with your struggles with women. Maybe you’re a bad listener, or maybe you’re too cocky, and you need to tone it down. Maybe you’re a loud mouth. Maybe you’re too selfish, and you need to practice having empathy with your dates.
Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt have had divorces, and they’re arguably two of the best looking actors in Hollywood. Relationship problems strike us all, famous or not, and it’s up to you to have the courage to move on, and get your feet wet with dating and practice. There are lots of single women looking for a good guy to be their partner for life out there.
Nobody can guarantee you a perfect relationship, but you can meet women online and have a happy relationship as long as you have hope. Don’t take everything too personally or too serious. Sometimes in my disaster moments, I just laugh at myself, because I know that I’ll see brighter days ahead of me.
There’s nothing wrong with being single for a while, so take your time, play the field and have some fun. I’ve had a failed marriage and I’ve had failed relationships, but this won’t drag me down. You know why? I learn from every loving relationship. I’ve learned the hard way what to do and what not to do. So continue dating, get some practice, and hope that things will work out. The keys are preparation and patience. Hopefully I gave you some good pointers, from someone who has been there, and done that in life. You got this!