Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Want Sex? 3 Essential Steps to Take

my girlfriend doesnt want sex
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An amazing man once told me: guys have two main areas of concern – money and sex. Most men have no need for lofty romantic gestures. I can respect this mindset. But I need you to pull up a chair and hear me loud and clear: women are intensely different.

If your girlfriend doesn’t want sex, you are going to need to come out of the basement and put your head in the clouds. The goal of this article is for you to learn one thing –  her pleasure is all that matters, so I want to make sure you understand. Here are the essential steps you have to take to bring sex back into your relationship.

Initiate the conversation

I want to introduce you to to the technique that I call The Power Move. Very few women can resist this. Tell her at some point in the day that you would like to talk to her. Make sure to ask her when it is convenient, then put it on the schedule. My suggestion is that you do this at home. If you live together – great, if not, do it at her house.

Sit down across from her, but not at the kitchen table. Make sure you sit face to face, but just out of reach. Tell her that you want to talk about your sex life. Let her know that there is no pressure, you just want to know how she is feeling about it. If she is not comfortable with this type of direct communication, tell her that you understand her discomfort. Let her know that you are willing to be patient until she is ready to talk. If she is ready, then proceed as follows.

  1. Ask her to describe, in her own words, the perfect passionate kiss.
  2. Tell her that you want to know exactly how to stimulate, tease, and kiss her breasts.
  3. Do not approach her, stay put where you are. Don’t try to kiss her or touch her.
  4. At this point, give her a sexy compliment. Something like: “Baby you have beautiful lips” or “I love that dress”. Make it genuine and flirty.
  5. Now begin to move down her body, as far as your questions.
  6. Ask her if she gets to orgasm faster with oral sex or with a vibrator or if she likes both.
  7. Keep her gaze. Even if she looks away, keep your eyes fixed on her.
  8. Ask her what is her favorite position.
  9. Tell her that the more you know what she thinks, the more you will know how to please her.
  10. Let her know you are amused and delighted by her.
  11. Thank her for talking to you.

Take every bit of this information and either write it down, put it in your phone, or burn it in your memory. This is the beginning of you being solely concerned with your partner’s pleasure.

This is the beginning of you being solely concerned with your partner’s pleasure. Click To Tweet

Take a personal inventory

Once you’ve had a conversation with your girlfriend, it’s time to have one with yourself. Have you gained weight? Are you making sure your clothes are on point? Are you wearing cologne?

It is so easy to get complacent in these areas. Maybe you feel that since you caught her, there is no reason to keep chasing her. Get that thought out of your head. The tactics that you used to get her, are the ones that you have to use to keep her. A great relationship is the one where both partners continue to grow. Ask her about her day, her work, her friends, and then when she speaks, listen with your whole being. Make sure you are working toward being your best self in every way: emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Does this relationship fulfill you?  Are you still pursuing her, flirting with her, and complimenting her? There may be many reasons that she is turning you down. Maybe you have been inattentive, you said or did something that was dismissive or she feels you are not giving enough, sexually or otherwise. Those are all valid reasons to shut you down. She may have felt hurt, angry, or rejected and decided to use sex as a weapon. I don’t condone this. It’s manipulative and controlling. But some people are incapable of communicating openly and honestly so they use all kinds of coping skills.

Maybe you feel that since you caught her, there is no reason to keep chasing her. Get that thought out of your head. Click To Tweet

Prioritize her needs

Having sex with your partner starts with a thought. Flirting with your girlfriend and pursuing her just for the pure joy of doing it could turn your whole life around. Become a master at provoking her thoughts. Look for new and exciting ways to engage her senses. Send her flirty text messages. Buy her flowers, essential oils, or her favorite perfume. Ask her to send you pictures of some dresses or shoes that she likes, then buy them for her. If you don’t know what her favorite dessert is, ask her. Once you know, bring it to her the next day. This is a crash course in learning to be thoughtful.

We would all love to assume that we are good lovers. Being great at sex is like anything else, you can always get better. Tell your partner that your only concern is her pleasure. Learn to give her orgasm in every way possible. Have her masturbate in front of you, so you can duplicate her technique. You have an amazing opportunity to up your game. You have to ask questions. You have to explore her mind. Remember, this is no judgment and no jealousy zone.

If you don’t have this type of open communication in your relationship, you can start slow. Tell her that you want to be the best lover she has ever had. Make sure to keep it playful and light. Sex is supposed to be fun and relaxing, never a duty or obligation. Let her know that you want to grow sexually and at her pace.

If you want your sex life and relationship to get hot and stay that way, you have to put in the work. It takes listening, diligence, and learning every possible nuance of your lover. If you allow your sole focus to be her pleasure, the outcome will be phenomenal  – you will become pleased beyond your wildest dreams.

Suzie is dating and intimacy coach who works with men, women, and couples over 40. She specializes in sexual communication and giving a voice to your most erotic desires. You can visit her website The Dating Yogi.


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