5 Tips to Help You Overcome Your Shyness to Talk Dirty

talk dirty

You’ve started dating this new guy, and he is everything you’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend. Perhaps you’ve had a string of not-so-successful relationships in the past, but this guy has restored your confidence in the male gender, and the two of you have taken the next step in your relationship by sealing the deal and finally having sex. Not only that, but sex with him is out of this world amazing – the kind that leaves you feeling electrified and craving more. You think to yourself “how on earth did I get this lucky?”

But one night, while getting hot and heavy, he starts uttering words that would make just about anybody blush. You quickly realise that the more verbal he gets, the more turned on he becomes too, and before you know it, your beau is begging you to reciprocate by whispering dirty sweet-nothings into his ear.

Many people get turned on when they hear their partner talk dirty things, and some might even consider it to be a dealbreaker if the partner has a hard time verbally articulating sexual desires in and out of the bedroom. If you find yourself in a new relationship with a partner who has just confessed to being turned on by playful aural interaction, but you’re someone who has difficulty throwing even the occasional and casual f-bomb, use these five tips to overcome your shyness to talk dirty.

1. Reflect on your sexuality

Find a quiet and relaxing place where you can connect with yourself for a few minutes. Grab a pen and paper and start jotting down some of the things that could be blocking you from verbalising your sexual desires. Sometimes it takes a little self-reflection to get to the root of why you feel you’re supposed to hold back with your words. Perhaps you think when you talk dirty it doesn’t sound very lady-like or maybe you’ve been conditioned to believe that if you use such words that your partner might secretly judge you or get the impression that you’re easy pickings. Let me tell you; this couldn’t be further from the truth. If you are in the right relationship, with the right person, using a little bit of dirty talk every now and again can strengthen the bond between you. Now tear up that piece of paper and let it all go.

2. Ease yourself into it

When I first started out as a phone sex operator, I had no clue what I was doing. I had never even said a dirty word before in my life, and most people told me I wouldn’t last a week. I not only proved them wrong but realised that just about anyone can learn how to use erotic language to their advantage. It merely takes time, patience, and a little bit of practice. My first piece of advice is to start out reading erotic stories. There are a plethora of fantastic and very sexy (and free) short stories available online, and with books such as Fifty Shades of Grey that have now popularised the erotic genre, you might just find this to be not only an educational experience but also a relaxing and enjoyable one too.

3. Don’t put pressure on yourself

Start out with soft-core erotica and spend some time alone enjoying these stories while at the same time assessing your comfort level with the material. Highlight some of the phrases that you feel most comfortable with and don’t consider using words that you think will go against who you are as a person. If you’re not big into reading, I suggest looking into the erotic genre of audiobooks and listening to the tone of voice that some of the narrators have adopted. However, do not imitate them – just enjoy listening to the words and try your best to give yourself over to it.

4. Use sexting to set the mood

Now that you’ve done some research into the kinds of words and phrases you feel most comfortable using, why not try it out through texting first? Sexting is a beautiful form of foreplay and will give you the courage you need to take that first step. Not only will it break the ice but will also give you a good insight into what kinds of words and phrases your partner likes. Once you’ve mastered those phrases over text, it’s time to start putting them to use in the bedroom. Be gentle with yourself – even if you just get to use one sentence at the beginning, trust that in the case of dirty talk, practice makes perfect and you’ll soon be accessing those phrases without having to put too much thought into it.

5. It’s all about intention and tone

Remember that when you talk dirty it doesn’t have to be excessively pornographic to fulfill your partner’s sexual fantasies and drive them wild. Verbal communication can be something as simple as a moan or a soft purr. You’ll soon realise that it’s more about the intention behind the words and sounds than it is about the actual words themselves. In fact, many men like a milder form of dirty talk spoken in a sensual tone. In the end, all that matters is that you’re enjoying yourself and that your partner can sense that you’re into it and not just reciting dirty lines in the hopes to impress him.

So, why not go ahead and let your “dirty talk flag” fly? Because let’s face it, communication can be so darn sexy!

Sara is a sex coach, ProDomme, phone sex operator, and the founder of the Must Love Fetish Podcast – an educational sexuality podcast dedicated to exploring and finding ways to bridge the vanilla and kinky worlds. She has been a guest on numerous podcasts: Consensually speaking with Gio, Sex + Love with clinical sexologist Randi Levinson, and Sexology podcast with clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Nazanin Moali. Sara has been participating in several live radio talk shows, including the Rob & Slim show – where she often busts the misconceptions about phone sex and sex work in a light-hearted manner. During her free time, she produces erotic audiobooks and is currently writing her first book on ‘aural’ sex. You may follow Sara on Twitter.

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