If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship you know it’s only a matter of time before the hot, lust-filled, honeymoon phase of your sex life eventually tapers to a steady pace of routine sex that becomes familiar, which can be a double-edged sword for otherwise happy couples. The natural need for exciting sexual stimulation we all crave becomes stifled and rather than make waves we accept stagnant sexual experiences that over time usually lead to resentments forming and even affairs. I know that sounds so gloomy but I can assure you that though this regression happens to some couples, this doesn’t have to be your fate. If you’re willing to be brave and incorporate these 9 simple tips to protecting & improving your sex life as a couple.
1. Become lube lovers
Do you want to know the universal secret to immediately enhancing your sex life? It is simple: personal lubricant! One of the most common bedroom problems sexual partners tend to have is that things tend to get a little “slow” down there once the initial hot & heavy moments of intercourse pass which can be uncomfortable for men, and definitely is for us women. A water-based lubricant works wonders during vaginal intercourse, a silicone-based lubricant is a true game-changer when it comes to anal sex, and flavored lubricants is an absolute must for mind-blowing oral sex (especially for the giver). There’s also a huge array of targeted sensation enhancing lubricants on the market that would make for some fun & kinky sexperimentation for you and your lover.
2. Sign up for sex subscription boxes
A growing number of adult pleasure companies are offering sex toy subscription boxes that discreetly arrive on your doorstep each month or quarterly with sexual wellness products you and your partner can try together. Each box usually incorporates a certain theme, such as BDSM enticing tools: bondage rope & how-to rope tying guides. One may focus on intimate touch so you’ll receive massage oils and an aphrodisiac scented candle, and another may focus on oral sex with throat numbing spray & flavored lubricant so you and your partner get to try new products you’ve probably never thought about before. Open the box together so you can enjoy the surprise together and decide which items you’d like to try during your next playtime. That way you can encourage a more open dialogue of sexual likes and dislikes on a regular basis as they tend to evolve over time.
3. Schedule sex, literally
“Scheduled sex?!” Yes, planning out your sexual trysts ahead of time sounds like a libido killer at first because society constantly tells us sex should be a spontaneous magical experience where both your engines automatically rev up and sync at the same time, but anyone in a real relationship will agree that’s total BS. When it comes to sex in a long term relationship, one’s sex drive usually operates in auto-pilot whilst their counterpart’s remains in overdrive in the majority of cases. A dedicated sex night once a month or biweekly ensures both partners (but mainly women) many perks: ample time to prepare mentally, physically, and emotionally for that special night so sex remains an experience to look forward to, not relationship-maintenance duty. And if you utilize the subscription box suggestion this prescheduled night becomes the perfect opportunity to try the new toys you received!
4. Try sex toys with built-in App technology
Hands down the greatest tech developments over the past decade has been the incorporation of interactive sex toys with smartphone app capabilities. Now it’s possible to get cybersex when your partner is miles and even continents away. Buy the toy, download the coordinating app to both your phones, and one person can use the toy solo, or have the other control it using their phone from a further distance. Whether you’re at the office, the gym, or in the next room you can get freaky with your mate 24/7.
5. Make a couple’s sex toy wish list
Almost all online adult novelty boutiques give shoppers the option to create personalized wish lists of products they carry once you create a customer account. Do this! Create a singular wishlist that you each can access to build a collection of sex toys you’d like to try in the future, either together or separately. Not only is this a literal blueprint of what you’re each into, but it’s also a great gift idea list for birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and anniversaries.
6. Men, let her lead
So you’ve come to the conclusion you’re kinkier than your partner and you want to know how you can get her to follow you over to the dark side? The best way to get a woman to experiment more in the bedroom would be to ask her what her sexual interest is, prepare yourself to hear her responses, and should she mention something you’d like to try to, say so. Ask if it’s something she’d seriously like to try in the future and let her know you’d prefer she create the scenario for it to happen whenever if ever she’d like this fantasy to become reality. You leave it at that. Don’t continually bring it up as interest will quickly begin to feel like pressure to do something that she may wish to purely remain as fantasy but now that you’ve both expressed an interest in the same thing she aware of what could be a mutually pleasurable option in the future.
7. Create non-judgment fantasy jars
Buy two glass fishbowl or use funky old shoebox even to repurpose as non-judgment fantasy jars that store scribbled down sexual fantasy ideas that you have as individuals. Make it a habit to add more ideas & read ideas from each other bowl each week, then make the ones you’re both comfortable with come true over time. Ideas can be as mundane as a soft foot massage to wild exhibitionist outdoor sex in the woods. Not only does this jar keep the sex conversation going, but it’s also a much easier way to blatantly say what you’d like sexually if you struggle with dirty talk.
8. Stop comparing yourself to others
Not much of an explanation is needed for this sex improvement tip except to rebuke the popular saying, “the grass is always greener on the other side” because it most certainly is not. All relationships have different issues, including sexual issues, that you’d probably be thrilled not to have. That super sexually-adventurous seeming poly couple or hot BDSM couple you secretly envy more than likely has had or currently has trust issues to work through due to the very nature of the alternative relationship dynamics built within.
9. Invest in your sex lives
Don’t treat your sex life as something to be shunned, hidden in the closet collecting dust, or something you can ignore and passively hope it’ll improve. It won’t. Not unless you purposely access where you are as individuals and as a couple and continually enjoy the journey of getting to a more satisfying place for you both. Reach out for help whichever way you’re most comfortable. Read sex advice articles, books, have fun using naughty couple’s board games in the bedroom, join an online sex & kink forums to get opinions from like-minded people, and enlist personalized professional help from the thousands of sexperts offering sexuality education services online.