When Should You Sleep With a New Guy?

when should you sleep with a new guy

Believe it or not, some people do wait for a few dates before having sex. In the age of swipe right, there are women who want to go on a few dates and get to know a guy before jumping in the sack. But when should you sleep with a new guy?

You have hung out with him several times, and you enjoy being around him. He makes you laugh, the physical chemistry is off the charts, and you are figuring out when you should give him some positive signs to make the big move. Here are a few things to consider along the way.

Discuss sexual health

Have you had the sex talk yet? Yes, the one you may be dreading, but you know it is necessary. Kick the dread aside and be an adult. It may seem unromantic but being able to discuss sexual health is more common than you think. If you are mature enough to have sex, then you need to be able to discuss your health status. If he gets the opportunity to have sex with you is a privilege, so treat it that way.

Be prepared to share with him the last time you have been tested for STIs and HIV. Share with him any concerns you have or any relevant information about your health. Also, ask him when the last time he has been tested. Ask him if he is positive or has anything you should know about. Approach it confidently and openly talk about it. This will help him feel more comfortable as well.

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Have some condoms handy

If you aren’t ready to get pregnant or want to contract an STI or HIV, then have a steadfast rule that you won’t have sex without protection. There is no valid excuse that a man can use for not wearing a condom. If he is allergic to latex, there are non-latex condoms available that he should know about if he practices safe sex.

Your sexual health and future depends on you having a boundary to always use protection. If he isn’t willing to do this for you, then he isn’t worth it. The reality is that if he isn’t open to protecting you and himself, then you can’t have a future with him. When possible, have this discussion before the actual time to have sex. This way you can get an idea of how he feels about it.

Prepare for possible changes

Deciding to have sex with your new guy can lead to changes in your relationship. Things could go good or bad. Emotional intimacy can improve your sexual connection. The relationship could grow closer and more connected. On the other hand, he could decide that he doesn’t want to date you once you have sex. For some guys, once they have sex with someone they lose interest. It’s as if they were in the relationship to get laid and when it happens, they leave.

Be upfront and open about what type of relationship you are looking for. If you are not a wanting just a hook up and desire a monogamous relationship with him, be honest. It will potentially save you heartache down the road if you also ask him what he is looking for. If you don’t know what type of relationship you want, take the time to explore your options. Dating apps and social media show that there is a large supply of single men, so focus on the quality you are looking for.

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Get ready to have fun

Don’t spend too much time worrying about the ‘what if’s’ that may happen. You know when you are ready to have sex. Listen to your intuition and let it guide you to the next step. You have thought about it, weighed the consequences, and have decided tonight’s the night.

Sex and intimacy should be fun. It can be a highlight of your relationship. You get to find out what your guy likes and doesn’t like. He also gets the opportunity to explore what turns you on. A healthy intimate relationship can help both of you build a foundation of trust.

Kristie is a clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, and author. She specializes in relationships, sex therapy, and gender identities. Kristie helps people improve the relationship with themselves and others. When she isn’t working with clients, consulting, or writing she enjoys spending time outside. She loves surfing, running, yoga, traveling, and reading.


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