Ever heard the saying “I love her, I’m just not in love with her anymore”? This is sadly a thought that runs through many minds. Both men and women will stay loyal and supportive to their partners for many years because of the deep-rooted love they have for them. However, this doesn’t mean that other elements of the relationship should be taken for granted.
You have heard the usual tips that promise to ‘put the spark’ back into your relationship, such as “Buy her some sexy underwear” or “Surprise her with a romantic trip to Paris” which of course will provide a small temporary boost to the relationship. I want to share with you long-term solutions rather than short-lived boosters. Here are six tricks how to spice up a boring relationship and upgrade the excitement.
1. Say sexual compliments
When she tries on a new dress or makes an effort in her appearance in some way, instead of lazily giving her the usual and generic “You look nice” or other such throwaway compliments, replace it with something you would have said to her when she walked into the room looking stunning when you were first dating or when you were in the honeymoon period of your relationship. Good examples of such compliments could be: “You know what that dress is doing to me…” or “let’s skip this dinner party, I want you here and now”.
Even though this might sound like echoes of an era in the relationship that has long since gone by, you would be surprised at how thrilling it is to hear such lustful statements from a man who she thought hardly noticed her anymore.
2. Change the routine
Routines feel comfortable and secure, but they can be the death of any spark that’s left clinging to a relationship. Make sure you both go out at least once a week in the evenings, and if possible to somewhere different each time. You don’t want to be the couple who go to the local Chinese every Wednesday and order the same meal whilst sitting in silence at your usual table.
Whether you choose to go see a play, a film or check out a bar or a new restaurant, just try and make sure that it is an alternative to whatever you did the week before. This can also apply to the weekends. If you’re stuck for ideas, just pick up a copy of Time Out and force yourself to choose something to do together, even if your initial reaction is “That’s not for us”. In fact, if that is your first response, then you should definitely do it!
Remember, in the worst case scenario, if it turns out to be something you both don’t like, you can always share a good giggle about it.
3. Laugh together
People often say that one of the main reasons why they were attracted to their partner in the first place was their sense of humor. Never underestimate what humor can do to salvage or enhance a relationship. Make the effort to re-connect on this particular dynamic in the relationship. Now and again, go somewhere that will provide the perfect incubator for laughter, such as a karaoke bar, or a terribly tacky themed bar. Watching comedies together instead of depressing murder mysteries and the 9 o’clock news can help work back through this particular element of attraction too.
4. End your arguments with sex
Remember how those heated rows often ended up in even more heated sex? Now when you both argue it probably ends up in sulk or a meaningless apology. All that tension and anger is a form of passion, and if you can morph that negative energy into a positive and sexual passion, you will end up with something more fun than a cold shoulder. Make up sex is long overdue!
5. Try different locations
Introducing new ideas to spice up your sex life can be a bit trickier than you think. Rather than bringing out the treasure trove of sex toys and costumes, start off by changing the location. You most probably always have sex in the bedroom, so why not capitalize on the heat of the moment and do it whenever the mood takes you like you used to do. This also works as a great indicator, the more locations you end up having sex in, the more moments of uncontrolled passion you experienced.
6. Create a sense of mystery
The longer the relationship, the harder this will be to achieve, however, if you can create just enough sense of mystery to keep her curious and on her toes, you will find that it will inject some excitement back into the relationship. The same excitement she felt when she was getting to know you in the early stages, when she couldn’t second guess you or predict what you would do or say next as she can now. You don’t want to push the whole ‘man of mystery’ act too far, otherwise, she will start feeling paranoid that you’re having an affair. Just remember that once upon a time you had a separate life and separate interests before you met her, and it was that other life and those other interests that intrigued her and partly made her want to get to know you more. Stop being Mr. Predictable that she can second guess, start reconstructing that private reality you once had, and reinvest in your hobbies, interests and social life. She needs to realize that your reality is not all about her and the relationship, and this will actually make her appreciate the time she does get to spend with you a lot more.