You can probably think of at least two manipulative men you’ve met so far in your life. Can I be totally honest with you? Many manipulative men are better players than most manipulative women out there. And I don’t say this because I’m a woman.
I’ll explain. When a woman tries to manipulate a man she plays with his mind. Men are logical creatures. You have to beat them with logic, sadly. Manipulative men have to play with something way more dangerous. Ready to hear it? Feelings. And playing with a woman’s feelings is so much easier than playing with a man’s logic.
We, women, are famous for our deep sensitivity. Nothing leads us faster to self-destruction than listening to our manipulated heart. And there’s nothing to stop us. Except for this article.
1. They refuse to take responsibility
Have you met a guy who constantly refuses to take responsibility for things in life? They dig hard into the roots of the problems until they find a third party they could blame. Here’s an example for you.
Years ago I was dating a guy who didn’t have a car. We were working in the same place so I was giving him a lift home every day. Once, he forgot his keys in the car and by the time he realized it I was already three blocks away from his street. I don’t touch my phone while driving so I saw his calls and messages after I arrived at my place. This was 40 minutes later. Guess what. I drove another 40 minutes back to his house just to see him angry at me. You know why? He said he forgot his keys because he was too busy talking about my problems (I had issues with the car at this point). I was far away from the idea of being angry at him because he forgot his keys. It happens. At this point, I ignored the situation (huge mistake), but later on, I remembered it as “just another piece of the manipulative men’s puzzle”.
Manipulative men are never guilty when something happens. They look for the excuse before someone blames them for anythingManipulative men are never guilty when something happens. They look for the excuse before someone blames them for anything. Click To Tweet
2. They fake vulnerability
If you want to create a connection with someone, here’s what you have to do: show them you are vulnerable. Tell them about your struggles, share your weaknesses and make them empathize you. Nothing wrong so far. Except that manipulative men use this technique to create an instant connection with you. And you fall for it every time just because you are a big-hearted woman who cares about the feelings of the other person.
Let’s look at another example. You meet a guy, you like each other and you go out on a date. After a few glasses of wine, he shares his sad story about the way his ex-girlfriend broke his heart into a million pieces and he still can’t fully trust women. That’s it. You are hooked. He is such a nice guy. Why would that woman do this to him? She obviously didn’t appreciate him enough. In short, you have to prove to him there are good women in this world and you are one of them. Therefore, you become more present in the conversations, you are just a little bit nicer than you’d usually be. You agree to go to places you don’t fancy at this moment. You kiss him longer and hug him tightly. You try to heal his heart by just being nice. You surely don’t realize it, but you have just been manipulated.
3. They play hot and cold with you
I have a question for you: don’t you just hate it when you date a guy who constantly changes his moods? He was fine yesterday and today he ignores your calls and pretends you don’t exist. You ask him what’s wrong and he mumbles “Nothing” (obviously a lie). As a result, you spend the next 24 hours wondering what’s going on. When he finally tells you he needs something from you all you could think is “Really? That’s what’s all about? Here. You can have it.” 30 seconds later he is the happiest human being you’ve ever met and looks like he loves you more than his own life.
Do you see where I’m going with this? Manipulative men looove playing “hot and cold” with you. It’s one of the most popular tactics they use. Or is it?
4. They twist things until you agree with them
Let’s go back to where it all started: I read a book called “Getting To I Do” by Ph.D. Pat Allen and the one thing that opened my eyes to understanding how man function was this: man are logical creatures. They are good at finding the right way to a certain tree in the mountain, and they are good at finding the right logical path to prove they’re right.
A manipulative man will drag you to his logical place under the sun and will prove you there is no sun. You won’t believe him, but you won’t be able to prove him wrong either. They’ll beat you with experience.
5. You catch them lying all the time
Have you ever heard a lie presented to you in such a silky-smooth way that you are almost ready to applause its creator? That’s a very successful manipulative tactic many men use on you. A good lie is their ticket to shifting your opinion to a stage they need you to get to. After that, it’s easy to play with your feelings and make you do whatever they need you to do.
You catch them lying to you and try to confront them, but all that happens is that they use one of the previous techniques to get out of the situation. It never ends.
6. You need their approval for everything
That’s a dangerous path we are going down on. The line between manipulation and abuse, in this case, is thinner than a hair.
When you need a guy’s approval on anything you do, there could be two reasons for it: he is never happy with what you do and you believe it’s easier to talk to him first before taking any decision (just because you can’t handle another of his “hot and cold” moments) or he made you believe his opinion is always better than yours. While the first one is a clear sign of manipulation, the second reason is a disturbing sign of vast disrespect you shouldn’t ignore.
Unfortunately, almost any sign of manipulation you will ever spot in manipulative men comes from a place of deep disrespect for you. If you need your guy’s approval before you take a decision, buy something or go somewhere – you are manipulated on a high level and I suggest you run. Fast.
7. They make you do things you aren’t proud of
To be honest, we all have done stuff we aren’t proud of. But lately, there have been more of these cases than usual. You ignore your family and friends, you are extremely defensive when it comes to your relationship, you go to places you used to avoid at any cost, you probably even started drinking more, smoking or even worse. Quite simply, you aren’t You anymore.
As I mentioned, there’s nothing a woman wouldn’t do if her heart belongs to a man. Even if this man manipulates her and it’s obvious to everyone around.
8. They play with your feelings
Are you ready for another story? It’s a classic story about a boy and a girl. She loves him deeply and she secretly knows how she’ll name their children. He plays “hot and cold” with her but instead of pushing him away, all the mystery and confusion only attracts her more to him. She is ready to do everything with him and anything for him. One day he tells her they need to split up. The reason? She is too good for him and he will only break her heart. They want different things in life and he cannot allow himself to ask her to change.
She asks for more explanation. He lists all of the things she has to give up on to be with him. He knows it’s impossible for him to ask her to do it. On the other hand, he isn’t ready to give up on a life he was building for so long. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. She already scratches off things on her list. They don’t matter. He matters. He is so thoughtful and thinks about her and her feelings. Of course, she could sacrifice a few of her dreams and goals in life to be with him. If he is ready to let her go so she could be happy, she is ready to stay and find this happiness right here, with him. Cut!
This is not a romantic film and it’s not going to end with “happily ever after” written on the screen. In fact, this is manipulative men’s technique to get what they want. This is a toxic guys’ way to see how far the woman next to them is ready to go. Is this mission completed or not? How far are you willing to go?She is ready to do everything with him and anything for him. One day he tells her they need to split up. The reason? She is too good for him. Click To Tweet
9. You are the goddess in their eyes
Do manipulative men can actually trick you by putting you on a pedestal? Let’s see. He believes you are the most beautiful woman that’s ever entered his life. You are The One he wants to spend his life with. You are perfect just the way you are. It doesn’t matter if you feel something is wrong and want to back off. He won’t let you go. He is not done with you.
This manipulative technique is extremely hard to spot. You, like every other woman, love to hear how gorgeous and unique you are. You are ready to ignore the little arguments, the misunderstandings, your gut feeling, and everyone else’s opinion because he sees you in a way you want to see yourself too. Therefore, every time you back off, he comes after you and it keeps you glued to him. This, my dear, is manipulation.
10. They hit your weak spots
Manipulative men know how to play with others’ weaknesses. They rely on these weaknesses. It’s their most powerful weapon. Knowing where to hit and how hard to hit is the most important part of the game. You feel guilty and you know he just hit you where it hurts the most. It’s OK if it happens once and you talk about it. But after the second time, I’d suggest you run. You are about to become one of his manipulated victims. The longer you stay, the deeper the cuts.
Manipulative men use a variety of techniques to make sure you stay blind to all that happens. That’s right. You might spot more than just one technique used at the same time. Learn them well and don’t allow anyone to play with you.