Texting While Dating: Why Ghosting is Not Cool

texting while dating

I am not sure if there is anything more infuriating than this new trend that has became a normality in the age of texting. What is more soul crushing than spending your precious time starting to like someone, learning about them, caring about them, adding them to your daily routine and having them one day ghost you?

For those of you lucky enough to not know what I mean by “ghost you” let me break it down in simple terms. You start dating somebody, one day they are texting to you and the next day they are *poof* gone. One minute you are chatting about the new Star Wars movie or whatever you are feigning interest in at the moment and then you ask a question like “Who’s Luke’s father again?” and you never hear from them again.

Sometimes you can see it starting, which is of no help because there is nothing you can do to stop it. But whether it is completely out of the blue or there is a little lead in time it leaves my head spinning. If there is one thing that will eventually drive me to be institutionalised, this is it.

Wait, why did you say this or say that to me if a week later you were going to stop talking to me? Didn’t you just tell me what a great time you had on our date? Didn’t you just turn to me all week for support with that problem you were having at work? Two weeks ago you said “Good night! Please text me when you wake up” every night.

And now, you would rather never text to me again than have to see me for a fourth time? Think about how hurtful of a message that is to send someone. I have worried that there was a terrible accident because there is no other logical explanation for treating someone like that.

Back to those of you who haven’t been ghosted, I know what you’re thinking. Cry me a river Lauren. These were isolated incidents, this doesn’t really happen. Oh, it doesn’t huh? Well then, why does Aziz Ansari, one of my favorite comedians, speak to this in one of his stand up routines? He says the most basic (and I’m paraphrasing, not quoting) problem as a single person is when you like someone and they don’t like you back or vise versa. It can be awkward. And when it comes to handing it, you have the choices:

1. You can be honest.

2. You can be busy for the rest of forever.

3. You can ghost them.

In theory, honesty sounds like the best option, even though in reality it kind of sucks too. Would I have felt any better if he had come out and said “Hey, I never want to see you again. Texting is cool, but let’s never make plans again”?

Being busy for the rest of eternity seems pretty immature. As Aziz puts it, it’s basically conducting a psychological experiment to see how much hope a person has. How many times do I have to make up plans until this person catches on?

Can we all please come together and agree silence aka ghosting is the worst. It is rude, cowardly and confusing. It also hurts the other person the most. When someone says they would choose to spend time with you over doing anything else, let’s treat that person with some respect because that’s quite a compliment.

So right here, right now, let’s agree to stop ghosting one another. Deal? Be honest! Or if that’s too hard for you or seems too mean, pretend to be busy forever until I get tired of asking.

Image: flickr

Lauren is sarcastic girl trying to survive in the land of southern gents and belles in South Carolina. Her passion is making people laugh. She writes a blog Live By The Sunshine – the chronicle of a 20-something single girl navigating through the ups and downs of life.


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