A normal relationship can have their good moments and their bad moments. When they are good, you feel like you can conquer the world with your partner. Yet a bad relationship can resemble a car wreck and have disastrous effects on you and your partner. Couples will fight. It can be a sign of a healthy relationship because conflict and compromise is inevitable. However as much as arguments are normal, constant conflict and fighting can be a sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
It is easy to ignore the red flags when you are with a partner who you genuinely care about, and possibly love. You will only see their good qualities even if the bad ones outweigh significantly. Staying in a toxic relationship will impact your health and happiness. We feel a need to stay sometimes to make it work and not wanting to have another failed relationship under our belt. Leaving a toxic relationship is about putting yourself and your emotional well-being first. It is sometimes hard to find the courage to walk away. I know from my own personal experiences with toxic partners and relationships that this is easier said than done. But if you are struggling to get out of the relationship, here are the reasons why you need to walk away before things get worse.
It won’t get better
I have experienced a very traumatic and abusive relationship. I found myself always thinking that things will get better eventually. That the relationship will go back to how it was at the start. So I held on for dear life and fought a losing battle against someone who was crippling me emotionally and physically. The words ‘it will get better’ were regularly used in conversations with friends and family. I found myself forgiving the toxic behaviour because I believed that this was just a bad patch in our relationship. Looking back now, I realise that it was not just a bad patch, but a terrible relationship.
All relationships go through ups and downs. But it should never be so volatile that you find yourself constantly worrying about another conflict occurring between you and your partner. If your conflicts are frequent and intense, to the point where you are left emotionally exhausted, this should be an indicator that there is something seriously wrong with your relationship.
I was guilty of ignoring the constant fighting. Despite the fights being incredibly aggressive and often leaving me emotionally drained, I swept it under the carpet in an attempt to keep the peace. I was in denial about the state of the relationship. Truthfully it was never going to get better. It only got worse. For whatever reason you are staying, there are more reasons to leave.
Once a relationship turns toxic, it will never improve or get better. It will just turn more toxic and the longer you let it poison you, the harder it is to walk away and recover. A relationship like this, is like drinking poison. The only way to cure it is to walk away. If you find yourself saying that the relationship will get better and justifying to yourself all of the reasons why you are staying, it is time to remember the truth. It never does get better. Accept that you are better off without this person in your life.
It wears you down
Toxic relationships are good at slowly wearing you down. The longer you stay the more likely you are to end up with zero self-confidence and self-worth. You will wake up and be a shell of the woman that you were. That sparkle you were known for will leave and trust me, it does leave. The life will be sucked right out of you and you cannot stop this from happening if you stay.
It may not be completely obvious what is happening at first because a toxic relationship will take all of your focus away from what is happening and how it is affecting you. It will always be about the other person and their needs before yours. You will make the sacrifices. They won’t have to make any in return. Your partner may not even realise that their behaviour is causing you so much pain but honestly? Most toxic relationships involve controlling behaviour so they probably know exactly what they are doing and they won’t stop.
Once you have lost yourself in the relationship, it makes it almost impossible to leave. Your partner will know this and therefore they can treat you so poorly that you will still stay. Whatever strength you have will be used trying to keep the relationship afloat and that honestly suits them. This is why you need to ask yourself what this person is doing to you. If you feel like this relationship will leave you emotionally crippled, leave.
You deserve better
I can tell you that the longer you stay, the harder it becomes to leave. The last thing you want to do is lose yourself and lose time wasting away in a relationship that does not give you any joy. You deserve better, and will get better one day but in order to do so you have to leave sooner rather than later. You have to find the strength to walk away. Leaving is hard, but getting your life and yourself back is much more important.
We think that things will be okay and that you will be just fine. You are strong and can survive almost everything right? Toxic relationship may not kill you in the end, but the long term effects of staying are not to be underestimated. After my own experience it took me years to make sense of the feelings and the damage that had been done. I was left broken and scarred. The emotional abuse that I endured was more serious than I realised but by the time I had come out of the relationship it was already too late. The recovery process took much longer than I anticipated and to this day, I still have certain triggers that will take me back to that place. Honestly I still struggle with some aspects of relationships because I stayed far too long. If you do not take the steps needed to walk away now, you will end up having to spend more time than you think rebuilding yourself.
They say you shouldn’t take your baggage with you into your next relationships. However, you can never underestimate the kind of damage that a toxic relationship will have on your health and future relationships. Break ups are difficult at the best of times, let alone trying to make sense of what happened after coming out of something so damaging and unhealthy. The damage will be significant. It will take time and patience to get yourself back on track. Even if you are tough and resilient, the damage will be inconceivable. The longer you stay, the more damage will be done, and the harder it will be to reverse. You need to realise that long term, you cannot sustain this relationship. Walk away now and don’t waste any more time.
It is so important that you walk away from toxic relationships. Do not be scared to leave. Things won’t get better despite what you tell yourself it will never improve. Leave before you are emotionally crippled and left even more damaged because for every second you spend in that kind of relationship, the longer it will take to recover and find yourself again. The thing is you deserve a great relationship. So if it isn’t making you feel safe and loved, it is time to leave. Say goodbye to the toxic relationship and start again. It was the toughest thing I have had to do, but it was also the best thing for me. If I can leave, so can you.