Relationships are part of life, and it is silly to try to convince ourselves that relationships do not matter. Of course, they matter! When you feel anxiety or confusion about your relationship, it is natural to seek advice. Many of the people who you are seeking relationship advice from are probably well-intentioned individuals who do not want to see you go through unnecessary situations, but that does not mean that you should automatically follow every piece of relationship advice that you have been given.
In fact, some of the relationship advice that I have been given has been less than helpful. Here are five pieces of the worst relationship advice that never worked for me.
1. Good things come to those who wait
That little saying about the early bird catching the worm is true for a reason. How many people do you know who have achieved their goals by simply waiting and doing nothing? That just does not happen; the goals need to be pursued. If you have a love goal that is deep in your heart, it is your job to find the relationship that you seek. Waiting around for your love to just automatically appear is unrealistic.
There have been times when I dismissed guys who I really truly liked, but at the time, I just didn’t think those guys were good matches for me because they didn’t fit the image that I had in my mind of what my ideal guy should be like. I chose to ‘wait’ for who I assumed the right guy would be. But in retrospect, I wish that I had not been so quick to dismiss people who might have been good matches for me and I wish I had taken the opportunities more seriously. Good things come to those who choose to recognize opportunities and pursue them.
2. Always follow your heart
Following your heart or emotions is not a bad thing per se, but aligning them with your rational mind every now and again is advisable. I have had feelings of love for people who I thought were right for me, but later on, I discovered that we were not a good match and that my life would be more fulfilled without them. Those individuals might have felt the same way; perhaps they felt that we were not a match either in love or in friendship, and it would be better to go our separate ways.
Sometimes our hearts want us to hold on to someone or something that we really need to let go of. Following your heart without thought is very dangerous. You need to do what is right for yourself. If I followed my heart every day, I would be in my bed and underneath the covers, eating peanuts and watching movies. But, obviously, I cannot do that every day because I want to live a meaningful and healthy life. Sometimes you just have to make a rational decision, even if it takes some effort.
3. Love comes when you least expect it
I find the whole “love comes when you least expect it” advice to be confusing. Does that mean that love will happen when I think that it will never come? Or, does that advice mean that I should never expect that love will be part of my life, and just when I think that I will never receive love, it will magically appear on my doorstep? Love comes when it comes, period. And, if we want love to come to us then we need to welcome it in.
You may need to tell yourself that it is okay to love again first before you open your heart to love, but if that is what you need to do, then start having that conversation with yourself pronto!
4. Wait for him to make the next move
If you fancy a guy, then you need to let him know how you feel! We should all be thankful that we live in a time in which women can lead more independent lives than our female ancestors did. Why on earth should you wait for a man to call you and ask you out? When you need to buy socks, you usually go to the store and buy new socks, right? You buy those socks because that is your role; to take care of your needs. Well, when you want to start a love connection, you have a role to play as well.
When you reach out to the guy who you want to be with and he responds to you, then you will at least know what he wants and what your next move should be. Keep in mind that even if he does not respond to your text messages, the actual response is that he is not interested in moving things forward between the two of you. At least you will know whether or not you should continue reaching out to him or if you should walk away and find someone else.
5. Love is worth fighting for
You should only fight for a relationship if it is healthy and has a strong foundation. I have fought for relationships that I should have walked away from. However, those experiences have shown me that if love is true, it will not disappear and you don’t need to chase after it.
Love is real when it lifts up, encourages, is patient, kind, and shows good will. Love is not worth fighting for when it is negatively, abusive, unhelpful, and based upon lies and strife. When you are part of a relationship that is not based upon true love, your life will not be enhanced.
There are times when we need to follow our hearts, and there are times when we need to think clearly and make intelligent, yet difficult decisions. Your friends and family mean well, but they are not the ones in your relationship. You are the one common denominator in all of your relationships. You can decide if you want to stay in your relationship status whether it is single, separated, married, divorced, or widowed. It is up to you stay or go.
Your responsibility is to filter the advice that you receive and choose to follow the guidance that will best help you to build that relationship of your dreams! We all have dreams. Sometimes, life gets in the way and we forget to stand firm on pursuing our goals. The best advice that I can give you is to pursue your goals wholeheartedly. There may be times when you will need to go over, above, around, or through your obstacles. But, when love is worth fighting for, you will know.