It seems pretty obvious, if he’s taken, he’s taken. You know that you shouldn’t flirt with a guy who has a girlfriend or wife, but that doesn’t mean that the temptation is not there. It’s a massive dilemma you’ve gotten yourself into; you’ve met somebody who’s fun to chat with, and even more fun to text. He gives you a lot of attention, he’s funny, smart, but… he’s taken. Annoying. It’s double annoying when you’ve been single for a while and waiting for a guy Just. Like. Him. That’s when the appeal to go over the acceptable line occurs.
It sucks. I know. It’s an awful situation to be wanting someone who’s already taken. I was there myself a few years back. I was crushing on a guy who I knew was off the market, and what made things worse was he started texting me. Why did this make things worse? Because I realized how much of a laugh he was!
He was also a massive flirt. And I have to admit that I enjoyed the attention. I knew at the back of my mind that this couldn’t really go anywhere, and I sensed that it was wrong for us to flirt. I was not his girl and it was not fair to me to be tormented. Eventually, I took the advice of my friends and I called him out on it. I made it plain to him that we were friends, nothing more, and that we should not be flirting, even if there was no intention of it going anywhere. He had a girlfriend, while I really was looking for a boyfriend – one who was not already taken!
That was the end of it. He agreed, though he reminded me that his intentions were always harmless. That was cool and we were cool. Some guys just don’t realize how their actions can be perceived by both girls involved.
And you know what? I felt so much better for nipping it in the bud, no longer did I feel guilty for the way I was behaving. We both knew were we stood.
The problem these days is that, with so many instant messaging apps available, it’s easier than ever to contact whomever we want, whenever we want. Often harmless chatter can turn to flirting over time and no one knows what exactly we are saying to each other. But here is why flirting by message with someone else’s boyfriend is never a good idea.
You’re just going to hurt yourself
Who really loses out when you’re flirting with someone else’s boyfriend? You or him? It’s always you. Most of the time, he’s going to stay with his girlfriend if he loves her. To him, chatting to you is just harmless fun.
To you, though, it could be more than that, and the more you flirt, the more involved you get. Before you know it, feelings have developed and you might even find yourself genuinely falling for him. But even if this is the case, no one is going to listen to your sadness when you realize this, because what did you expect to happen?
While falling for someone we like is nice, falling for someone who is already taken is never recommended. You’re only going to feel the pain when whatever you had ends. You’re chasing someone you can’t have.
It’s a waste of time
I know from my own experience that when we’re flirting with a guy we like, we develop tunnel vision. We focus on him and him only. This means we miss out on other opportunities – other cute guys who like us.
This is totally fine if the guy you like is single and likes you back, but if he’s already in a relationship, you’re just wasting your time. You’re having fun, but you’re missing out on having the same kind of fun with men who are available. And guess which one will end up with you in a relationship and that guy sticking around?
Time is sparse, and it’s important that we prioritize what will lead to our happiness in the end. If you’re spending too much time texting a guy who’s taken, you need to re-evaluate whether this is really worth it. Sure, it’s fun and he makes you feel good at the moment. But where is it all going?
Even if he leaves his girlfriend, then what?
Okay, let’s imagine that he breaks up with his current girlfriend. Then what? You guys get together, have some fun, maybe you even move into his apartment… but in the back of your mind you’re always going to be thinking that he’s going to do to you what he did to his last girlfriend.
Just picture it. It’s evening, and you’re both sitting around not doing much. You’re absently watching television, while he’s furiously typing away on his phone. Who is he texting? And why on earth is he grinning? Being insecure about the other person’s motives, whether based on evidence or not, does not make a healthy atmosphere.
“Stealing” someone else’s boyfriend is never a good idea, no matter how much you liked him. It gets your relationship off to a bad start, and this really is why flirting even via text with someone else’s boyfriend isn’t a good idea.
Remember the old adage: If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you. If he’s always on the lookout for someone new, he is definitely not a keeper and you deserve better.
It’s just bad karma
You don’t have to believe in karma to know that what goes around comes around. If you surround yourself with positive energy, your life will invariably become more positive.
Likewise, if you’re flirting with someone else’s boyfriend, it’s going to reflect badly on your inner vibes. It’s not going to make you feel good in the long-term, whatever comes of it. Feeling guilty about your actions or justifying every move you make to yourself is not a good way to move forward. You know what you’re doing is wrong; otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this.
It hurts other people
What will his girlfriend think of you? Well, what would you think in her shoes? No, your situation is not different. If this all blows up, she’ll get hurt and so will you. Would you be bold enough to flirt with a guy in person with his girlfriend there? I think not. Being secretive means it will hurt her even more in the long run and will not give you much ground to stand on when it all comes out. Yeah, some guys like to be flirty behind their girlfriend’s back, but doesn’t mean you have to be part of that, sister!
My advice? Look a bit harder and find someone single and you’re much less likely to get hurt.