I am a shy guy, and even though I have no problem socializing with people, I find it hard to approach women and to maintain a meaningful conversation. Even if I step out of my comfort zone and start chatting with a girl, I run out of topics real quick, the conversation dies, and the girl eventually excuses herself and leaves. Do girls like shy guys? What are my chances of getting a girlfriend?
Patrick, 21
Answered by:
Dating & Relationship Coach

Hi Patrick!

The chances of getting a girlfriend are all within you. I know it might sound like a cliche, but here is the thing: socializing with women is not easy if you look at it as not being easy. A lot of times men put too much focus on saying the right thing and then lose their authenticity and come off weird or creepy to a girl. When you are shy it’s because you have not practiced enough and not prepared or because you are putting too much pressure on yourself and not coming from a place of confidence.

One of the many tricks I tell my clients is to start practicing the dialogue that you would typically have with women in front of the mirror and pay attention to your body language. Make sure you wear comfortable clothes during the date that you feel confident in and then start talking to women that you aren’t 100% interested in so you can gain more control and confidence. It’s like riding a bike. We have to learn and fall a couple of times until we can get on the bike and ride it successfully without the training wheels. Same things go for approaching women and letting go of the anxiety you may have.

Women know when a man is not coming from a place of abundance. You might easily think that a woman is not good enough for you, too pretty for you and you have to try your hardest to impress her. When you do this, you are putting a woman on a pedestal. What I want you to understand is that sometimes and most of the time less is more. Be relaxed and pick up on the things she is saying. Make sure she asks you questions and if she does not it’s important to call out the moments and say “are you shy?” to the woman. She might ask “Why?” and you simply reply with “Because you are not asking me anything”. This is a great way to break the ice.

Confidence comes from being authentic and not taking yourself too seriously. When you take yourself seriously, women can feel this and it comes off as insecurity. The fact that you mentioned that you run out of topics means that you are not really saying things that are interesting. Your conversation with a woman may possibly feel like an interrogation more than anything. That is why she excuses herself. One of the things that I would recommend is to say something witty to a woman, tease her, make a joke, and then ask a question. Then, let her reciprocate. The more casual you are, the more naturally it will come off.

Lastly, if you feel like you are engaging well with a woman, don’t think that you have to continue. Ask her to type her number in your phone so you can get chat later. It will show her that you are leading and this is what women want!

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