How to find out if a guy is really separated from his wife?

I've met a guy on Tinder, and we clicked right away. In the beginning, he was very chatty and eager to know me. We met a couple of times, and he seemed like an interesting person to be with. However, when he told me, he is separated, but he's still keeping in touch with his wife, I started having some doubts if dating a separated man is a good idea. I thought I'd ask more questions about his relationship status when we meet next, but then suddenly he stopped replying to my messages. He texted me again a couple of weeks later and said his life has been quite stressful recently. I started thinking maybe he got back with his ex. Is there any way to find out if the guy is really separated from his wife?

Mariella, 32
Elizabeth Billies
Answered by:
Divorce Lawyer

I’m sorry that you have been in limbo with this man. Dating a separated man is a tricky situation. This is particularly true if he has not made a clean break from his marriage and his wife. You can certainly check the court dockets where he lives to see if legal paperwork has been filed ending the marriage. You could also do some internet sleuthing to see if his social media accounts provide some insight. However, the best and easiest way to find out the answer to your question is to ask him directly! Don’t waste your time on someone who is not ready for a serious relationship (if that is what you are looking for) because they still haven’t gotten over their last one.

Even if he knows that he and his wife are not meant to be, it doesn’t mean that this man is ready to jump back into being a couple with you or anyone else. The divorce process is long and stressful. There are a lot of financial and personal decisions to make. Where is he going to live? Who gets the dog? How will their assets be divided? These unknowns cause a lot of stress. The fact that he may be incapable of providing a consistent commitment to a relationship doesn’t make him a bad person; it just may make him the wrong person for you.

What if you aren’t ready to let him go just yet? Well, then you will have to accept that it may be rocky for a while. He may disappear again. He may only want to date casually. He may decide he needs to be single. You need to ask yourself if you are okay with these possibilities. If not, then I would suggest moving on and spending your energy finding someone that can give you what you want and need. If he comes back when he is more stable, and you are still single and willing to give it another try then great. But don’t waste your time waiting for him to be ready. Good luck!


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