I can talk to women in bars (where it’s expected) but often I’ll see a really attractive woman in a store or a café that I’d love to meet. How can I do this without being creepy?
Thomas, 26
Answered by:
Dating & Relationship Coach

Firstly, the fact that you’re concerned about being creepy is already a great start. It means that you’ll approach the situation with care and social intelligence.

I recommend my clients to always start talking to women with “Excuse me …” I believe this gets the woman’s attention and gives her a moment to register you and your presence. You don’t want to go barging in and talking before she even knows you’re there. Remember, she is likely in a train of thought about something entirely different.

As for what to say, firstly I recommend really paying attention to the woman and the surroundings. Is there something you can comment on or ask about? Is she wearing something interesting? Is there something interesting around you? Can you ask her something? I believe that this is generally the best first option because:

1. It’s much easier for most guys, meaning that you’re more likely to actually do it.

2. It’s easier for her also. A compliment on her interesting hat, or a question about an item in the supermarket will inherently have less social pressure for both of you than something more direct and obvious.

3. All you’re really doing – regardless of what you say – is testing her receptivity. You will likely know within seconds how open she is to talking to you.

However if you can’t find anything, ask yourself – what is it about this woman that made you want to approach her? Maybe she is elegantly dressed, maybe she has a beautiful smile, maybe she is just exactly your type. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being honest – “Excuse me… Hi, my name’s Chris. I know this might seem a bit random but I just saw you from over there and I really just wanted to come and say hi quickly. You’re really beautiful”. I believe that the latter part of that sentence is important because it justifies why you’re saying hello (otherwise she might be wondering – don’t assume that she knows your intention).

Then you really want to pay attention to her reaction. If she smiles or is taken aback, ask for her name and have a quick chat (ideally ending with her phone number). If she’s awkward and distant, just say something like “I just had to come and tell you that, have a great day”.

For many women (I’d even say most), this is a very refreshingly honest style of approach. Of course it will not work every time, nothing will, and it all comes down to compatibility. However I can assure you that it’s win win – either you meet a lovely lady, or you grow and learn.

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