relationship secrets

Living the life of bachelorhood, I am constantly living and thriving within my man cave. You see, this is my ‘bubble’ from reality. It contains everything that I cherish: my Samsung Flatscreen TV, my MacBook Pro, my DVD collection, my books, my clothing, my games, my PS3, my Breeze fan, my comfy blanket.

Why is this so important, you may ask? These are the things that I’ve worked hard for over the years. They are important and valuable to me, and they help to create my comfortable man cave. That’s why it’s safe from cold and ruthless reality. It’s my bubble where I can pursue my interests, I can write in peace and solitude here, I can reflect upon my past relationship mistakes, and plan for my exciting future moments.

I will reveal some wisdom and relationship secrets from my man cave concerning love. Let’s pretend that it’s ‘Fight Club’ with rules.

1. Don’t let yourself down

I will admit the truth now: sometimes I get down about how everything is going in my life. There is a sense of freedom with living a single life, but there are also challenges as well. I try my best to remain positive and live in the now, but occasionally I will get on my smartphone and check out online dating, and I will just want to quit for a while. It’s difficult to find the right match, as I am in my 40s, and I just remind myself to be patient, keep chugging along, and stick to my guns.

What often helps me through it, is my relationship with myself, and being comfortable and tough within my own skin. I can stand on my own two feet, and conquer everything that life hurls at me. I know that I will prevail. Nothing is impossible. (Well… there are lots of things that aren’t impossible, anyway). I condition myself to be a valuable person, and I hold myself to these values. I want to be special. Not to society, but to myself. So, I don’t let myself down. I want to have pride in myself.

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I think that the more confident and secure you are within your own skin will help you to ultimately find the love that you seek. I realize that this will be a steady process, and patience is a virtue. I am preparing for my next relationship, whether that be a year from now, or onward sometime in my future. I just want to be ready for it. Being comfortable with yourself, holding yourself to high standards, and realizing that you are unique, special, and valuable as a human being will help to motivate you for future success in love and relationships, as well as your profession. This is the crucial #1 rule. Also, you can’t be cocky about it, just let this be the solid foundation for your future desires.

2. The past is the past

Let go of your pain, suffering, and moments or people that have hurt you in your past. This is crucial for you to move on with your love. I realize now that the past is the past. Moving forward, I will learn from my mistakes, but I won’t beat myself up over failed relationships. There is a reason why they failed, and it isn’t all my fault. It takes two to make a relationship fail. I am not completely to blame for it.

I don’t feel the need to jump prematurely into the next relationship. I can take my time and find the love that I truly desire for myself. I don’t move at the same pace as previous lovers or exes. I move at my own pace, even if it’s slow, like a turtle. I want to be patient, and let things flow naturally. It’s similar to Taoism within your lifestyle: let things flow naturally, and just go with the way that they are. I realize that I am supposed to be single and work on myself right now at this moment in my life.

My hope is that this will help someone who is going through a similar situation. Perhaps you’ve had a couple or a few relationships that didn’t work out, and you are now single and in transition. Realize that everything up until now has happened for a reason, and you are meant to be this way. This will help to ground yourself, be humble, and prepare yourself for what’s to come.

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3. Failure is part of life

You can’t hit it out of the park every single time. Sometimes, you will fail. It’s important that you learn from your failures, and try to correct what you’ve done wrong for future success. Michael Jordan once said it best: “I’ve failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” If you fail at your relationship or anything else in life, make sure to get back up, and dust yourself off. You are not finished.

Sometimes I get upset with myself, and think, “Why couldn’t I have made my marriage or relationship last?” This is not what I signed up for, or things have changed so much on me that I can’t seem to keep up. Perhaps your partner changed or evolved. Maybe they are difficult to please. Make sure that you don’t blame yourself for the breakup. Sometimes it is best to close the chapter of your life and move forward.

You can’t win them all. You can’t win every argument. You can’t win over every beautiful female. You can’t win at everything all of the time in life. You must fail at times to understand how important it is to win and be successful, and the rewards from your hard work. Bad moments pass as well. The sun will shine again.

4.  Listen to your intuition

Perhaps you are a few years into your relationship and don’t see a future. Maybe you don’t want to live in a toxic environment. Perhaps you are on a date, and you have this gut feeling that he or she is not right for you. You need to listen to your inner voice to be completely happy in life or try to be.

Maybe you feel mistreated, and this has happened over and over again within your relationship, despite several attempts to fix it. Maybe it is time for you to pull the stakes, and move on with your life. These are the difficult decisions that you will need to make, even if it is contrary to other people’s wishes or opinions about your situation.

It’s crucial to listen to your inner voice and trust your intuition. You will need to depend on your intuition, even if all of the evidence is not clear to you. Your intuition is your guide in life, and your built-in bullshit detector. Use it!

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5. Take control of your life

There have been plenty of moments within my relationships and love life when I could have thrown in the towel and given up, but I persevered instead. There is an instinctual desire within me to make things work and fix things. Yet, there is only so much that you can do alone, and endure. I think that it’s best to be yourself, and not let other people drag you down. You will encounter judgmental people who want to tell you what to do, how to do things, or may disagree with your actions. It’s important to go with your conscience and do what’s best for you, and what will inevitably make you happy. Grab the paradigm, and shift it in your direction.

I remind myself daily that other people are not more intelligent than myself, and I have my own brain and mind to make my own life decisions. You can let people that you respect in life influence you, or you can take their advice, but be sure to ultimately make your own decisions with who you want to date, or build a relationship with.

Sometimes I will admit that I stayed in a relationship too long, or missed certain red flags, or justified issues, but I can at least reflect and think to myself that I tried my best to make things work (when they otherwise shouldn’t have) or tried to fix things that inevitably blew up in my face, but at least I tried to see the positive in certain doom. I let certain people influence me (like close friends), but I ultimately make my own decisions for how I want my present life and future to be.

These are my primary love and relationship secrets from my man cave. Essentially, it’s a game plan for life. I hope that this article inspired you, was thought-provoking, and maybe it will influence your love life and relationship decisions. If you gained something from it, continue to practice positive techniques and write about them as well to be successful in life.

William is a graphic designer and creative writer. One of his favourite interests is reading books about relationships. He recommends ‘How to Succeed with Women’ and Doc Love’s ‘The System’. He has two adorable children that he enjoys spending time with. William is currently single and is preparing for his next relationship. You can follow him on Twitter.

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