Relationships can sometimes be difficult to sustain and keep running smoothly. After the initial ‘lovey-dovey’ stage, you realise that you are involved in a relationship, and it’s up to you (as a couple) to keep it on solid ground and long-term. There are many different ways and techniques to deal with relationship problems and keep it running smoothly.

You will need to examine and investigate your relationship thoroughly, and listen to your heart and inner intuition. There are many instances when you will feel like it’s a mistake to leave, and perhaps you want to work on your relationship to preserve it, and you see the relationship or marriage being something worth fighting for.

Rebuilding trust

All relationships revolve around trust. You need to trust your partner, and your partner should trust you. If trust is broken within your relationship, guess what? Your relationship will be broken. Trust has many different forms and functions. For instance, your partner can betray your trust in them by going behind your back with a certain action that makes you feel like you’re being backstabbed, or maybe your wife or girlfriend is cheating on you behind your back with another man.

Trust is huge. I’ve been in previous relationships when everything was rosy and rainbows, until there is a betrayal of trust, and suddenly you start facing relationship challenges and it feels like a stressful battlefield. You need to be honest with your lover, and not lie or mislead them. If there is any misunderstanding, sit down, communicate with your partner, and clear things up. A violation in trust will also cause a partner to become more suspicious or jealous of the other’s behaviour.

Spending more time together

I’ve been in relationships before when we didn’t have much in common, and it felt like we were leading separate lives within the relationship. Ideally, as a healthy couple, you will want to spend time together, and enjoy doing so. You will want to go to that art museum together, that bookstore, vacation in Cancun during spring break, or travel the world together. You should want to go shopping together, go out to eat at restaurants together, explore different destinations of interest, go out to pubs, go on a beach, attend intriguing events together, etc. I see healthy couples, and they are always happy spending time together, and they truly love each other. These are the relationships that thrive and stand the test of time, because they are alive, or they keep things fresh with new experiences together.

If your lover doesn’t want to spend time with you or be around you, you must question this. I’m not saying that you always need to be two peas in a pod, but you should want to spend considerable time together within your relationship. If there is an issue within the relationship concerning your spending time together, talk about it. Perhaps you can go to that football game with him, if he goes to your favourite makeup or tea shop. Try to compromise about how you spend time together, so that she’s not always doing what you want to do, or you’re not always bending to her wishes as well. Try to be respectful to each other, and agree on what sounds fun during evenings, weekends and vacations.

Maintaining respect

All of the best relationships are built on mutual respect. Have you ever been in a relationship when you felt emotionally, verbally, or physically abused? The right girlfriend or wife should never put you down or try to embarrass or humiliate you. If you notice that there is a blatant disrespect for you as a man within your relationship, you are probably in the wrong one, and likely an abusive one.

I love to see couples build each other up in front of others. In other words, the female will compliment her guy, or the guy will declare how lucky he is to be with his ‘special lady’. It makes other people envious to see this, and they admire the love that the couple is expressing for each other within the relationship.

Respect is such a necessary quality to keep a relationship healthy. If you are feeling like respect is lacking within your relationship, try to talk to your partner, and have a discussion about it. Maybe you will want to call her out about it, and say, “Honey… I really love you, but I noticed that sometimes you put me down in front of my friends. I know that you’re joking with me, but can you please refrain a little bit?” So perhaps the next time that you’re out with your friends, she’s not putting you down in front of all of your friends to witness, or if she keeps doing it after you politely ask her to stop, you will need to slowly get rid of her, and exit the relationship, because respect is nonexistent.

Talking things through

You both need to be open-minded and communicate with each other over issues within the relationship; That’s how you get through tough times in life. You need to talk things through, and move forward. If there are lingering issues that are just stuck within the relationship, this will inevitably cause more grief, problems, and possible destruction or ominous doom. It’s best to calmly talk over issues within the relationship, so that you can arrive to solutions that will benefit the both of you, and avoid or prevent the failure within the relationship.

Some of the best couples are able to multitask together, and work out issues — both simple and complex. If there are too many issues that exist within the relationship, you will need to either work it out together, or end the relationship if it’s just not working for either of you.

Reaching out for help

Couple Counselling is often a last resort to ‘save’ your relationship. I honestly think that your success with this depends upon the counsellor. If you feel like there’s a good vibe with your counsellor, it could really benefit your relationship, and save you a ton of money from a bad divorce or a custody battle over your children. I would recommend doing this if you truly want to deal with relationship problems or save your marriage.

Sometimes, your partner will go into counselling with their mind already made up that you’re history. In this case, it will inevitably be a waste of your time, but at least you can try. There’s nothing wrong with trying to save your relationship for the sake of your kids, but you will need to ask yourself, “How did my relationship get this bad to begin with?” If there’s something that you can do to improve it on your end, do so.

To avoid a messy break-up or divorce, you need to trust each other, enjoy your time together, respect each other and communicate with each other. To avoid a break-up or divorce, I would recommend counselling, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. Most of the time, it’s best to listen to your heart or intuition, but you can also rely on your family or friends’ advice if you’re having problems deciding what to do.