single life

Obviously, there are plenty of perks with single life such as feeling free and independent. But what about the challenges of being single, or its disadvantages? There are plenty of things to watch out for. Maybe you’re the type of person who finds ill-fated love romantic, and your previous relationship was doomed from the start, but the attraction, sexual passion, desire, and sparks were present. Some people have an animal magnetism to certain types that they’re attracted to, even though they know deep down inside that the relationship doesn’t necessarily work in reality, and for the most part, the relationship is toxic in nature, they don’t really get along, and it will inevitably end. How romantic.

How do you approach the dynamics of a single existence, when you’re normally the type of person who enjoys being in a monogamous relationship? Perhaps you thrive on that thrill ride, the ups and the downs, the drama, the passion of feeling loved and connected. You’ve spent some time trying to find love, but it seems to always elude you. It’s time to examine the facts, while embracing and experiencing the challenges of a single existence.

Learning to rely on yourself

There are plenty of times in my single life when I realise that I can truly only rely on myself (and family and close friends). In other words, I don’t have a powerful partner to help me through emotional ups and downs, and normal daily struggles. We all get anxious in life, and stressed out. It would really be useful to have someone to talk to, engage with, someone who cares and emphasizes with me, but I currently don’t have that. I’ve had the emotional support in the past, but now I know that I can rely on my parents for emotional support, my brother, my close friends, my kids, or take the pain alone. I’ve learned to be strong through tough times, and I know that I can depend and rely on myself. It has ultimately made me a tougher person.

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Being afraid of commitment

Being afraid of commitment sounds really deep, doesn’t it? When you’re single, you have opportunities, and you can go down many alternative pathways. It’s similar to navigating your career. Do you settle for that first job, and just stay there, or do you challenge yourself to wait and interview for that dream job that you always wanted? It’s a similar experience with dating, but you get to pick and choose who you want to spend time with and share your life with. It can open new dimensions of discovery, new life experiences, and new opportunities. It can also open new issues — like baggage, drama, problems, and thinking to yourself, “How did I let myself get into this toxic relationship or situation?” Your decisions will lead you in different directions, and you need to be the CEO of your dating decisions. You need to be your own boss, and make decent decisions that you inevitably won’t regret down the road in the future. Think about your potential dates, and if you would have given the person the ‘green light’. It leads you into thinking about the what ifs, and alternative times and realities. Picture yourself going down that pathway beforehand, and analyse the pros and cons to your dating decisions. Of course, challenges await you — different times, moments, opportunities, and alternative dimensions are imagined.

Meeting women that are already taken

Remember the old adage ‘The good ones are already taken’? Actually, there is a lot of truth in this statement. Have you ever thought to yourself, “God, I’d love to date her, but she’s married, or she has another boyfriend that she’s happy with?” You’re interested in a woman, but she’s already taken. This occurs a lot in your single life, however you may learn that you just want to get a woman like her. It’s never good practice to go behind another guy’s back to connect with a woman or have an affair. Maybe you just realise that you want someone similar to her personality-wise, and you need to have chivalry, and find your own woman with these qualities that you desire, rather than steal another guy’s woman. You yearn for a couple’s strength that you’re currently lacking in life.

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Negativity and loneliness

While you’re single for some time, you may find yourself feeling negative, self-loathing, or lonely. Maybe you tend to ‘beat yourself up’ over past relationships or previous experiences that caused you a lot of emotional pain, turmoil, or just didn’t work out. It’s important to keep your negative emotions in check, even if they’re real feelings that you must come to terms with. Loneliness can be part of the human condition, and if you’re feeling too lonely while living single, pets, close friends, or family may help to get you through the dark times. Self-loathing and feeling lonely can be a challenge that you will deal with on an ongoing basis while being single.

Self-discovery and narcissism

Another challenge that you may face is self-discovery. Perhaps you’ve been in a relationship for most of your life, and you’re getting used to the single life, and it’s still rather fresh. Or, you’ve been single for a long time, and you’ve learned to enjoy your own company, but loving yourself, being vain, and narcissism have taken control of your psyche. This is the other end of the coin of self-loathing, but you’re just too much into yourself, and you’re not letting your guard down around potential lovers that you could connect with, because you don’t trust most people (due to previous trauma or bad relationship experiences in the past). This is fine, but to truly fall in love, you need to feel vulnerable at times in front of another human, and let someone into your life so that you can connect emotionally. Self-discovery or ‘loving yourself too much’ is certainly a challenge that you will also find in your single life. It helps in many ways to be positive and love yourself, but it can be a double-edged sword.

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These are some of the many challenges of single life that you will face. It’s important to stay focused, and not let the negative feelings and emotions dominate you, take over, and get the best of you. Give yourself some time to relax, enjoy yourself, spend quality time with the people that you love in your life, and you will be more prepared for the realistic challenges and turbulence that you will inevitably face in the single life. It’s ultimately important to be resilient and patient while living the single lifestyle.

William is a graphic designer and creative writer. One of his favourite interests is reading books about relationships. He recommends ‘How to Succeed with Women’ and Doc Love’s ‘The System’. He has two adorable children that he enjoys spending time with. William is currently single and is preparing for his next relationship. You can follow him on Twitter.

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