falling apart

It is never easy when a relationship is falling apart. What can be even harder though, is accepting this and admitting to yourself that it really is over. Let’s all be real, unless there is an incident, generally, it’s ‘over’ before it’s really over.

I was in a relationship for the best part of four years. To be totally honest, I probably knew that it wasn’t going to last forever for the last year and a half of the relationship, at least. Deep down, anyway. On the face of it, I wanted to pretend to myself and convince myself that the dozens of small warning signs and indicators of him just not being the one didn’t really matter because I really desperately wanted him to be. I wanted it to work. I wanted these little things to just be the result of being in a long-term relationship and it was just ‘what happened’ after you had been together for so long.

Retrospectively, there are so many niggles that I wish I had taken more seriously more sooner, if any of the following apply to your current relationship then, at the risk of being the bearer of bad news, I don’t think he’s the one for you to love.

1. They are not funny anymore

This might seem like a minuscule problem, but every girl knows that the key to winning a girl’s heart is to make her laugh. If his jokes make you roll your eyes when they used to make you buckle then there’s a chance the magic is starting to die. Especially if someone else is making you laugh the way that he used to.

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2. They make inappropriate comments

I remember sitting watching TV with a guy that I was seeing at the time and he made a really unnecessarily homophobic comment towards someone in the show and honestly, he instantly became unattractive and I knew we just weren’t on the same wavelength. Similarly, I was seeing another guy and we were watching his nephew who was upset about something, and he told him not to cry like a little girl. All that I could think of was “boy you ain’t raising my kids.” Two days later after an awkward coffee meeting that was that.

3. Sex never happens spontaneously

Granted that after a year of being together, you (probably) won’t be getting intimate at every single opportunity like when you first got together, but ya know, if you’re not ripping each other’s clothes off at least now and again and the passion has totally gone, then something is probably wrong. I mean, how can you go the rest of your life without really getting it on?

4. You would rather be somewhere else

Remember when you first got together, and you would get butterflies every time you were going to meet them? Or when you would actively look forward to seeing them on a Friday night and they were your priority? Obviously, everyone has to have personal space and do things outside of their relationship, it would be unhealthy not to, but if you would rather do pretty much anything than meet up with your other half then alarm bells should be ringing. If the excitement and desire totally go away and things have gone stale and frankly, boring, then they’re just not the one for you.

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5. You can’t picture your future together

Ahh the early days, when you start to (secretly) pick out baby names that would totally be so cute with his surname, and you just know it’s going to last forever and you want all the same things and it’s just so great. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always stay like that. If it starts to become apparent that you both want different things then you may come into some trouble. This can be more prevalent in long-term relationships. You met them and got together when you wanted totally different things from life, but now you’ve grown and changed and that is totally okay. That’s great. But sometimes we need to let outdated things (and people) go to really allow ourselves to flourish. If your starting to see a future without them then that’s probably how it’s going to go.

6. Your eyes start wandering

You don’t need to cheat or even come close to cheating, but if you find yourself daydreaming about that really cute guy in your office then it’s clear your interest has withered away and you’re just not really into it anymore. At this point, you need to end things, before you do something you will really regret.

7. You are reading this article

Let’s face it, we both know why you clicked on this article in the first place! Because you are already having doubts and you’re probably seeking confirmation that things really are coming to an end. I’ve done it, everyone has done it. The number one sign that your relationship is falling apart is that you start to overthink it. If you were really loved up and with your Lobster (Lobster mate for life, haven’t you seen Friends?), the thought of your relationship ending wouldn’t have even entered your mind. But it has.

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As you can see, there were so many little things that I just ignored and convinced myself that it didn’t really matter, but it so did. What I was essentially doing was convincing myself to settle. Settle for something mediocre. Something that didn’t fill me with joy or make me smile at night the way that I used to when I was 14 and the boy that I fancied in my English class texted me first.

And if you’ve gotten this far, then maybe it’s time to dust off the Tinder bio?

Allanah has been blogging since a particularly boring exam period a few years ago. She covers topics such as beauty, lifestyle, and relationships. She has a penchant for everything pretty, digital, and gin.

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