I don't feel loved

As a love and relationship coach, one of the most common complaints I hear from clients and friends is, “I don’t feel loved.” Well, that just doesn’t work! You deserve to feel loved because, quite honestly, it can change how you feel about everything in life. Here are three empowering questions that will take you from “ho-hum, I feel all down and blue” to “oh yeah, baby, this love thing is great!”

1. What is your love language?

Okay, you know that you don’t feel loved, but do you know what it takes to make you feel loved? Girl, get empowered – learn your Love Language. Dr.Gary Chapman developed a great body of work around how people feel love. According to Dr. Chapman, there are five Love Languages: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Gifts. Every person, including you, has a key way to feel loved. When we understand this, it’s a critical piece of self-awareness that will help you feel the love you desire.

The next step is to communicate what you have learned with your partner. Think about past times you felt lit up by love and share these. When a guy knows he is doing something that pleases you, he will certainly repeat the behavior. He just needs some help understanding. Since he can’t read your mind with a crystal ball, you will have to communicate with your partner.

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2. What is your partner’s love language?

You are a human being, which means you are typically focused on what is going on in your own life. Hey, don’t feel bad; this is how we are all programmed for survival. But a universal law clearly says, ‘what we give is what we receive.’ So if you want more love, you have to give more love!

Find out what your partner’s Love Language is. How often is he thinking, “I don’t feel loved?” Talk to him. Ask him questions such as “In the past, how have I made you feel loved?”

The five Love Languages teach us that there is often a disconnection because we assume everyone feels love the same way we do. Imagine if your partner spoke Greek to you, yet you only speak English. You wouldn’t understand what he was trying to say. The same thing happens in love. Understanding each other’s Love Language helps you love your partner the way they need.

3. Whose job is it to make you feel loved?

Quite frankly, darling, this is the only question that truly matters. To feel the love you desire, you need to know that relying on someone other than yourself to fill you up is a certain way to disaster.

You are a magnet for your experience in this life. If you are putting out the negative energy that you lack and need something, you will only attract more of that in your life. But when you are grounded in your well-being and feel good, you attract circumstances and responses that complement that energy.

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When you feel unsupported and say, “I don’t feel loved,” it is often a sign that your root chakra is out of balance. You have seven energy centers in your body called chakras. The root chakra is the first at the base of your spine. This red chakra is responsible for your foundations and feelings of support. When imbalanced, you can feel like you are ‘on shaky ground’, struggle with relationships and financial matters, and may even experience depression and anxiety. You might also be a Type-A person or suffer from acting like a ‘control freak.’

By balancing your root chakra and creating strong foundations, you will begin to feel more supported and attract the love you desire. So, there are many things you can do to help bring your root chakra into balance, including wearing red, eating more root vegetables and red meat as well as connecting with nature a little more, to name a few. You can even find specific meditations for the root chakra. YouTube does plenty for free.

Diane is an intuitive love & relationship coach with a passion for helping people discover and unlock what's holding them back from finding and keeping the love they desire.

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