I’ve been around a lot of couples and observed a lot of things that work and don’t work. I’ve been through the ringer myself, and have admitted to some failure within my personal relationships. It’s not easy to spot these men weaknesses while you’re living in the moment, and it appears to be quite easy for me to look back at my own mistakes while dating in hindsight.
What makes men screw up the most with women? How does a woman go from 95% interest level in you, and later plummet to 2% and snap like a rubber band? There are many different reasons for this that are open to discussion.
One thing is clear: relationships require a ton of maintenance. If you don’t change the oil in your vehicle, it breaks down. So does your relationship. Do your routine maintenance to keep your relationship flowing smoothly. Get under the hood of your ‘car’ to fix deeper issues. Maybe you have a clogged pipe in your motor. Maybe your brain is clogged. I’ll be your Relationship Mechanic! Learn from me. I screwed up just about everything in my past. So let’s go over the biggest men weaknesses that result in a downfall in relationships.
1. Neglecting acts of service
Relationships are about love, passion, having good time, doing laundry. Get the drift? In other words, relationships aren’t completely fun. You need to do chores to keep her interest level up. Chip in around the house, vacuum, do the dishes, take out the trash, mow the lawn, give the kids baths, clean the house, dust, do the laundry, pick up after the kids, etc. My God. Is this a relationship, or a penitentiary?
Guess what, guys? If you get lazy, and let her do all of the work for you around the house, and don’t contribute enough besides taking out the trash every once in a while, and mowing the lawn, you’re gonna be history. She’ll find your replacement who will bend over backwards for her like a buffoon. Don’t pitch in and do work around the house? No accountability? You can kiss your relationship goodbye now, and start packing your bags. This is a big mistake for men. Acts of service.
One of the main things that you can do to alleviate the situation, is just do work without her asking you to do it. If you clean the toilet bowl, you’ll probably be her God-like partner. Clean the bathroom one day and surprise her when she gets home after a rough day at work. You will elevate yourself to dreamy status in her eyes!
2. Not listening to her
Don’t try to fix her problems for her. Women hate that. They just want you to listen, and provide no solution. It’s completely irrational, and you will get sucked into the typhoon of drama. So listen to her vent, go crazy, and just sit there like an idiot and don’t try to solve anything or interject. Just take it.
If she gets home in a bad mood, listen to her. If she’s pissed-off at work, take a break or lunch with her, and weather the storm. You see, women just want your support and for you to be there for them! You don’t even have to solve her problems! Lucky for you, eh?
She will be thrilled if you just listen to her (after she simmers down), so just be there for her. It makes absolutely no sense. This is why most men don’t understand women. If we have a car problem, we fix it. If there’s a computer problem, we fix it. If we have a problem with your mother-in-law, we try to fix it. You’d think that your girlfriend or wife would want some kind of advice or solution to her troubles. Nope. Just grin and bear it. Well, maybe don’t grin, because she may punch you in the face.
3. Drinking too much
You drink too damn much. Put the beer away. Don’t drink too much within your relationship. You’ll do more stupid things like argue with her or raise your voice. Guess what? She’ll point it out to you that you’ve guzzled 6 beers, and you’re boozing it up too much. Avoid doing this, if you want to keep your relationship stable. Alcohol always leads to more issues and problems for you in the long run. Avoid drinking too much alcohol in the relationship, especially if your relationship is stormy and tempestuous.
Don’t get me wrong… There’s nothing wrong with kicking back, and cracking open a few lovely cold beers to watch the Sunday Night Football Game. Just keep it in moderation. Don’t go overboard. Know when to have the right balance… Or, just don’t drink. It’s easier for me to just not do it. I avoid potential trouble, turmoil, and disaster by doing so.
If you go out with her on a date, don’t drink too much and get intoxicated. You can lose control. Be in control, and if you have to drink, drink your alcohol under the legal limit. Absolutely don’t overdo it! Most women hate drunk guys. Save it for B-Dubs while hanging out with your buddies, being obnoxious and immature, and watching the Lions game.
4. Flirting with other women
You flirt too much with other women, and you don’t pay enough attention to HER! This is so disrespectful, and I’ve been guilty of this myself in the past. I look back at my wrong-doings, and think, what an idiot I was! Why did I do that? You will too. You’re with her for a reason, so don’t even innocently flirt with other women or DM them, or anything else while you’re in a relationship. DO NOT CHEAT! This is brutal behavior to women, and no one should EVER have to deal with this! Not only that, but you look like an insensitive jagoff. Mind her feelings, be loyal, and don’t flirt. Don’t put her through that turmoil with your idiotic behavior just wanting to seek attention and admiration from other attractive women. She’ll make your life a living hell, and she’ll never forget about it. You will argue for years later about that one time that you went to happy hour with that woman that one time and disrespected her, or that one hot chick that you decided to DM on Facebook or Twitter. Don’t do it to begin with! Be loyal. Be a man. Be a partner. Women are obviously guilty of this behavior too, but you can make the effort to cover your tracks, and make sure that it doesn’t ever happen.
For instance, let’s just say that your buddy, John, is having issues with his relationship. His girlfriend, Julie, starts opening up some conversation a bit with you. She’s starting to surprise you with some Facebook messages out of the blue. She tells you about everything that is going bad within their relationship. John, who is your friend, (but you’re not really super close and you both haven’t hung out in years), has no idea that his girlfriend, Julie, is confiding in you. She’s starting to message you more on Facebook and pouring out her heart to you. What do you do in this situation? I’ll tell you what to do. Don’t talk to her. Go to your buddy, John, and say, Hey bro… What’s the dealio with you and Julie? She keeps reaching out to me…’ Then, you play stupid. You know why? You start getting cozy with Julie (even if it’s an emotional connection on Facebook through messaging), you are immediately downgrading yourself to douchebag status. None of your friends will trust you anymore when they find out (there is no ‘if’), because you’re a backstabber. It doesn’t matter how sexy and hot Julie is. Stay away from her because she’s your buddy’s girl. Don’t violate the crucial guy code. If you do, you should walk off a cliff.
Here’s another scenario: you’re in a committed relationship, yet hot chicks on Twitter keep messaging and being flirty you. Do you respond? They seem friendly, and we could be just friends? No. Do not respond. You can say something like: thank you, I’m flattered for the compliments. That’s it. If your girlfriend ever finds your browsing history, or messages on your iPhone, you’re toast! They already have built-in intuition surveillance, they can tell if you lie to them (don’t need a polygraph test), they have an uncanny ability for breaking into your iPhone or Facebook account, and they can and will expose your idiocity. You dummy.
5. Ignoring her needs
By saying that you do ‘her’ stuff, you mean watching football on Sundays? Um… no. Think about Vince Vaughn from ‘The Breakup’. This is who you are becoming, and how did it work out for him in the movie? I’m talking about shopping for tea cups, spending some quality time at Ulta, going shopping for perfume and high heels. Wow! Sounds like a lot of fun for you! Well… if you bend to her wishes, she will see you in a more positive light, and guess what you get? More time in the bedroom! Win-Win?
Maybe there’s a weekend in the fall when the football games on TV are a little underwhelming. It wouldn’t kill you to miss a few games, and say something like, “Hey honey, how about we go out shopping for teacups and makeup? Then we can go get dinner at that new fancy restaurant, and I’ll pick up the check.” You’ve blown her out of the water at this point. ‘Gosh… Harry usually just likes to sit around with the remote watching football and scratching his balls. He’s starting to really make me feel special and loved by him.’
You can handle 20 minutes at Victoria’s Secret or DSW, guys. Hold her bags while you go shopping in the mall, and don’t stare at the hot blonde with the perky boobs walking by in your direction. Be respectful to your partner, and she will be in return. Men do a lot of stupid things that women notice, because they have that innate ability to read our minds sometimes. Be respectful and loving to your partner. Go do stuff that she enjoys doing, just because she likes it. Then you can go eat buffalo wings, scratch your balls, and drink beer with your awesome buddies.
6. Lacking empathy
You don’t show her enough empathy. I talked previously about listening, but what about feeling for someone other than yourself? You need to show her empathy. If she’s upset about something traumatic that you think is absolutely ridiculous, show her your concern, and take it. That’s my advice to you. Bite your lip if you must, but if you don’t show her empathy, she will end up resenting you for being a major a-hole.
You must, must, be supportive with her. There is no other option, if you want the relationship to keep rolling smoothly. Be thoughtful and sensitive to her feelings. Be there for her. Let her lean on you. Let her relax and be comfortable. Women love that. Pay attention to her, and go for walks. Talk and communicate with each other. You need to be her rock.
Communication and being open with each other is so extremely important in a relationship. Not talking enough, and disrespecting each other will prove to be detrimental. Texting often is a good way of maintaining your connection, and showing her support. A random ‘I love you’ can go a long way, but you shouldn’t say it very often. It’s simply thrown around too much, and you will need to maintain challenge. Keep it on the downlow.
Women are more attracted to altruistic guys. In other words, if you’re helping a bum on the street, or helping an old lady with her groceries, your partner will end up finding you more attractive. Practice being selfless. Help a homie out. Go for an errand run and sacrifice your night for her. Be less selfish. It will go a very long way.
7. Not spending much time with her
Do not ignore your partner. Spend some quality time with her. The more that you ignore her, the more that she will build up resentment towards you, and it’s disrespectful behavior on your behalf. Nobody wants to feel neglected and ignored within a loving relationship. If there’s a must-see game on TV, let her know that you’re going to watch it, but later tonight we can go shopping together, and we can go get the hair styled that she’s been putting off. Hopefully, she wants to get it colored for you. Give her some flexibility. If you bend for her, she’ll bend for you! Any flexible woman will do this. Make time for her, and take her out on dates because she deserves it. She puts up with all of your garbage daily anyway.
So go get the next Romantic Comedy that you truly hate, and watch it for her. Don’t tell her that you truly hate it. Tell her it’s funny! Try to observe what she enjoys doing in her downtime, and participate. If she likes to pull weeds in the yard, help her and don’t make a fuss about it. The more time that you spend separated, the more you will disconnect. Naturally, I’m not saying spend every waking moment with her. There’s a huge difference. Let me explain.
Women like their freedom and guys should as well. However, if you follow her around the house like a little lost puppy dog, and you don’t pursue your own interests, and be a damn man, you’re going to be dead in the water. She will lose interest in you. It’s really hard living together, I know, and that’s why there’s a 50% divorce rate. It’s crucial that you balance spending time with her with man cave activities. Just be aware of the balance. It will help you. Too much time spent in the man cave neglecting her in the relationship will doom you inevitably.
8. Letting yourself go
Your treadmill has collected dust, and you just sit around and drink beer and watch football. She isn’t getting enough attention, and sure enough, her friend Tom has entered into the picture. He’s a coworker that she enjoys walking with after work, and he’s really good-looking, single, and he has six-pack abs. You know Tom, right? Your girlfriend’s new friend? Of course you don’t, because you hardly ever spend time with her, and can’t get out of the basement. She’s gonna get you, because you’re gaining weight, and you’ve forgotten what a gym looks like. In the meantime, maybe she’ll go run that next 5K with Tom. He loves to run, he’s a great new friend, and she really connects with him! Good luck, buddy.
Women will use other guys against you for leverage over your emotions. You see, women love it when they have control over our jealousy, rage, love, and really strong emotions. She will pick at you like a pocket knife and keep poking you with her ‘friends’, until you get your fat ass in gear.
So… Tom is spending a lot of time with your woman getting to really know her. He laughs at her jokes, he puts his head back like he’s going to fall over. She’s so funny to him! What an interesting woman! Tom would love to spend more time with your Cindy! In fact, they have so much in common! Keep sitting in your basement man cave scratching your balls, drinking your beer, and watching football. You will be a sitting duck in this relationship, and Tom will steal your woman, because he’s so annoying like that.
‘How can Cindy do this to me? She’s so disloyal! She threw me under the bus!’ Um… No. You’re right. She was disloyal, and she ended up kissing annoying Tom, because you were too stupid to realize that you didn’t pay enough attention to her in your relationship. Karma sucks, doesn’t it?
9. Becoming a disrespectful prick
You’re disrespectful to her, and you argue with her too much. Pick and choose your battles. A lot of time, I just let the woman win, even though I know that I’m right. This is leverage. You know that you’re really calling the shots, but you’re letting her win arguments. That’s ok. I’m not saying not to stand up and have a backbone sometimes with her (women respect that), but I am saying that you don’t have to win every single argument with her. Maybe just 10% – 20% of them. You’ll be more intimate with her anyway if you give in most of the time.
Pets help. They will focus her attention on something else when she’s upset with you. This is a good trick. For an icebreaker, (after you let her cool her jets, and make certain that smoke is no longer coming out of her ears), start playing with little ‘Dixie Cup’. You know… her little doggy, Dixie, will calm her anxiety down. You can use this technique to take all of her heat and terrible attitude off of you.
I’ve had a lot of women angry with me, a lot of arguments, a lot of battles with women won and lost. I know what to do to help a bro out. Try some of my techniques with your honey. You have to let yourself decompress after an argument. Go for a walk, collect your mind, and avoid texting her when you are angry! She will archive that shit, and use it against you at any moment’s notice moving forward! They don’t forget anything!
10. Not taking her out on dates
You stopped dating her. This is similar to quality time with her, but you’ve stopped taking her out, showing her off, and having fun. You just sit at home with her like a boring idiot. You need to schedule time to take her out and show her that she’s valuable and important to you. Take her to that new snazzy restaurant. Go out for drinks and laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Take her out shopping and buy her a gift or two. Surprise her with flowers, and take her to her favorite shoe store. If you continue dating her, you not only keep your spark alive, but you also show her how valuable she is to you. Women love to feel special and valuable. They love to feel like a queen. Cherish her, make her feel loved and important, and she’ll pay you back in pleasurable ways.
There’s a tendency after you’ve been dating for a while to get complacent. Complacency will mess you up at your job, so don’t let it affect your personal love life as well. Make more of an effort to go out with her, get a babysitter, hit the town. If you can’t afford fancy dining, just go somewhere more inexpensive, and take her out for drinks or to a movie or something like that. Spend time with her and date her.
Another good idea is going shopping. Women love to shop! You don’t even have to get your wallet out (can you see the moths fly?), just take her out and look around. Peruse the fashion. Get out of the house. You need to be a versatile male, and not let yourself get sucked into the complacency death trap and get digested over the next 50 years.
11. Doing whatever you want
Hey buddy, relationships are full of compromises. Get used to it. I can do whatever I want, because I’m single, but you’re knee-deep into your relationship, so you’d better work on your diplomatic skills. This isn’t the Wild, Wild, West, Cowboy! Now… How about you go run some errands for her, and pick up some water softener salt?
If you want more independence, negotiate an evening per week for ‘me’ time. Just because you’re with her, doesn’t mean that you need to be joined at the hip. However, if you do too much of what you want to do, she will resent you and hold it against you. Look at Vince Vaughn in ‘The Breakup’. He did whatever he wanted. He purchased a pool table. He wanted it. He hung out with other women, and drank. He wanted to. He didn’t want to go do activities that he wasn’t interested in. He didn’t want to do the dishes, and the Jen Aniston character resented him for it. The same holds true in reality.
Let’s just say that you go out dancing and drinking with your buddies, and leave her home alone. You’re an idiot. Period. You should not leave your girlfriend home alone on a weekend, unless she wants her own space from you. Of course she will, because she doesn’t have to deal with your shady shenanigans.
12. Losing interest in her
You’ve lost interest in her. It’s not all about us all of the time, trying to appease women. If you’re an independent, strong, alpha male, perhaps you’ve lost interest in her. Maybe she puts you down too much, insults you, or (worse) appears to be cheating on you with her coworker? You’ve lost interest. Let’s pay attention to our interest level as well, and we all deserve to be loved and respected within our relationships. You will need to analyze your relationship and the pros and cons, and make a tough decision. No one deserves to feel trapped, hopeless, unloved, and suffering in silence.
I’ve been happy, I’ve been sad, I’ve felt lonely within my relationships, I’ve felt unloved. We all go through it. If you find that you’re losing interest in her fast, and you need to escape, you will need to dig deep and plan for your exit from the relationship. As with everything else in life, relationships have mortality. There is a birth, and there is a death. There is a time when you will need to call it quits, take the pain, and heal your heart. There is a reason why we fall in love to begin with, and there is a reason (or a multitude of reasons) as of why our relationships fail with break-ups or divorce. If you’re losing interest in her, try talking with her and discuss the issues.
You can also go the counseling route. Many couples have succeeded with couple’s counseling, however it can also fail couples. It’s ultimately your choice. It’s best to at least reach out to her and communicate with her, rather than blindside her by dumping her or a divorce. I think that being blindsided is a brutal way to treat someone, and I’ve been blindsided before, and it hurts pretty darn badly.
Don’t give up!
You need to do regular maintenance on your love and relationships. I know that it’s not easy. If you do things right, she will respect and love you. If you jack things up too much, she will walk all over you with resentment. Some women forgive and forget, other women will never forget, and hold their resentment against you. I think that the key to true happiness within a relationship is being flexible with one another, communicating, respect, and also not crossing certain boundaries that you should already be aware of.
Learn and grow from your mistakes. No one can relive the past or rewind the clock. We all have one chance per relationship, and if they can’t stand by you when you’re at your worst, maybe they aren’t the right one for you anyway. You can always improve, change, adapt, seek a better life. There is nothing wrong with failing as long as you learn from the bad experiences and move forward with a better attitude.
I’ve been a complete idiot at times within my personal relationships. I would never blame my ex-girlfriends or wife for all of it (just most of it… I’m just kidding) . That’s being a petty idiot. Men make mistakes, and women make them too! Try to find a woman who thinks that you’re the bee’s knees, despite all of the burdens and obstacles in this thing that we call life.