I met Robert a year and a half ago; I trained him to become a district manager. From the moment I saw him, I knew that he would be mine. A few months ago, we started dating. He broke up with me three weeks into it, and then a couple of weeks later, we kissed again, and he broke up again. He said we can't be together because he takes care of his 93 years old father, who had a stroke, so now he is wearing diapers and a bag on his bladder. His mother is 87, and in the early stage of dementia. On top of that, he works fifty plus hours a week. He took me out for my birthday recently to a fancy restaurant, and he couldn't stop starring at me. A few days later, he came over at midnight, and we had an intimate moment. He left an hour afterward. I really love this guy, and I want him back. What can or should I do? Please advise me. He is always so protective of me. He hugs me and kisses me. He is miserable because he is stuck taking care of his parents, and I can feel it and see it.
Dear Sonia,
Thank you for your question. I understand that you have strong feelings for Robert, but I would like you to reflect on the level of commitment he is offering to you. According to you, he said, “We can’t be together.” Whatever reasons Robert has for telling you this, he already knows that he doesn’t want to commit, even though many other signals indicate that he likes you. I have no doubt that Robert cares about you, but my initial impression is that you want more than what Robert is willing or able to give you. You deserve to be with someone that wants to be in a relationship with you, not someone who only wants a relationship of convenience and who will disappear in the middle of the night.
Robert’s offer as it stands right now for you is that of a casual relationship, and it is up to you if you want to accept that kind of arrangement. In the same situation, many people hope that eventually their love interest will develop feelings and decide to commit. Unfortunately, more-often-than-not many weeks, months, or even years are lost waiting for someone unwilling to invest their time and energy in a serious relationship.
You deserve a partner that wants to commit as much as you do. My advice is to accept that Robert does not want a serious relationship with you and move forward with your life. Stop wasting your time on someone who is not willing to engage in a true partnership with you. I hope that you are open to the possibility of meeting another man who can be an equal contributor to a committed and meaningful relationship you desire and deserve for yourself.
