There is an ongoing taboo around women engaging in casual relationships. The feminist in me says that women are still being held captive to judgement when it comes to sexual liberation subject. Although the world is moving towards a more sexually liberal mindset, there are still certain differences in perception when it comes to casual relationships for women.
Casual sex is a great way to achieve physical intimacy without all the fall backs of an official relationship. There are different reasons why one might seek this kind of relationship, but even with a union of this nature, there are certain ground rules that should be established to avoid feelings getting hurt and to ensure that both parties are happy and comfortable with the situation.
In essence, whilst casual hook ups are fun while they last, there is still room for emotion to run the relationship dry. You don’t have flings for the emotion. If this this is a new concept to you, or you’ve found yourself in a casual arrangement, continue reading to find some tips on how to make the most out of your new-found connection.
Choose your partner wisely
Just because you’re not looking for a union that’s lasting or emotionally profound, it doesn’t mean that you should simply pick up anyone that looks your way. Regardless of how fleeting the encounter is, you have standards and you owe it to yourself to get together with someone that you have chemistry with; someone that is totally on the same page in terms of what you both want from the “relationship”. Never pursue a casual set up with someone just because you’ve developed feelings and want to keep them around. If the situation makes you uncomfortable, make your feelings be known. You’re not sticking around just to please him, so you should make sure that you are happy with how things are going.
Set your ground rules
Everyone is different and so is their definition of a casual hook up. Should you stay the night? How often will you see each other? This is not a contractual agreement or marriage licence in any way, shape or form but knowing where you stand makes life easier for all parties involved. You don’t have to agree to anything you don’t want to, and if you don’t like the way he operates, just walk away. That’s the beauty of casual relationships, there is no attachment or obligation.
This goes without saying but always stay protected in the bedroom. Only condoms will do as they are the most effective contraception for STD’s. Even if you are only having casual sex with one person, it doesn’t mean that they are too. You should get tested between partners and always, always wrap it up. Save the pill, implant and other kind of contraception for a committed relationship where you trust your partner to not pass anything on to you.
Drop the emotion
Leave the emotion at the door, ladies. If you want a boyfriend, casual sex should be the last thing on your mind. If you’re not ready for detached relations, you’ll figure out very quickly that you’ll be the one getting hurt. This type of affinity is not for everyone so have a good look at where you’re at in your life and ask yourself if this is really what you want. It takes a strong-minded person to forget the attachment and potential jealousy, so trying this with someone you already have strong feelings for is never a good idea.
Casual relationships are not built to last
Don’t go expecting more than what you signed up for. I’m not saying that your hook up can never lead to something more serious, but more often than not these things tend to fizzle out. Enjoy it while it lasts but don’t go investing real time and effort into something that isn’t real. The point is, you shouldn’t be seeking something with longevity. Relaxed relationships are about easy access and fun, not long-term plans and commitment. It’s important to appreciate the difference.
Don’t expect to be treated like a girlfriend
You should always be respected, but don’t expect him to behave like your boyfriend. He also wants all the perks of a hook up without the hang ups of an official title. If you’re the type to want to be wined and dined, this isn’t for you. It’s an added bonus if you hang out together, but keep your expectations in check, and that includes commitment. I’m sure you also don’t want to be pressured into girlfriend duty so treat him the same way.
If you develop feelings, don’t ignore it
This is a controversial one. Some may give you different advice, but I believe that once feelings develop for someone you’re already sleeping with, it will only escalate. You have a few options here: either tell your partner, walk away or ignore how you feel and eventually get hurt because he’s treating you like a casual sex partner rather than a girlfriend. If you’re jealous that he may be spending time with other women, you’re constantly checking up on him on social media or you get those flutters when you see him – it’s gone too far. The faster you face your feelings, the sooner you can deal with them however you choose. In this situation, it’s always best to get ahead of your emotions to protect yourself from getting hurt.
Relax and enjoy the fun
Now with all of that out of the way, you can finally enjoy your casual relationship! Keep it fabulous and keep it to yourself, there’s no need to brag to friends and family about something that doesn’t have longevity. You may have found yourself a booty call, someone to go on nights out with or just a partner for when you’re in town. Either way, when the fun stops, you’ll know it’s your cue to leave. Screw the stigma and what people might think about you as a woman. The world is moving into a direction of equal attitudes between the genders which includes sexually free females! Women are just as likely to engage in casual sex as men and why not?