dating habits

You want to find love, yet nothing you do seems to be working. The first thing to understand is that not all habits around dating are bad. However, if you are in a dating rut, or you keep meeting really great guys that do not turn out to be The One, then perhaps it is time to shift gears and change up the way you date. Here are 5 dating habits it may be time to ditch.

1. Latching on too quickly

After hours and hours of online dating, bad first dates and lonely nights, it is easy to latch on to the first great guy that comes along. However, the worst thing you can do is latch on to a guy you barely know. This happens when you start behaving too comfortably because you feel some instant attraction. It is importan not to let your emotions get ahead of you. Take your time getting to know this guy.

For one thing, you need to be sure he feels the same way about you, and let’s face it, only time will tell. No one wants to be with someone that comes off too needy, clingy or desperate. While you might think you are merely feeling excitement, he may interpret your emotions as coming on too strong, and latching on to someone you barely know is a bit off-putting. So put the breaks on and move at an even pace.

2. Sleeping with a guy too soon

I get it – you are a beautiful, smart and sexy woman who has needs, and why should men get to have all the fun, right? Wrong! Ladies, I know you want sex, even need to have sex. Still, if you have sex on first date you may find that you’ll have one need met, but not the other. Guys do not think of sex in the same manner as women do. Okay, maybe that is a bit harsh! There are some men and women that want to “get in, get off and get out.” However, if that is not you, then hold out for the right guy to come along; a guy who wants to have sex with you not just once, but for the rest of your life.

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3. Jumping from one relationship into another

There is nothing worse for a breakup than a “rebound” relationship that starts right after. In this new age of dating, we have become more prone to serial monogamy than ever before. We swipe left, then swipe right over into someone else’s bed before we’ve even had a chance to throw on a clean set of sheets. And, why wouldn’t we? Technology has given us permission to do so. We have simply replaced honor and respect with a window that opens up to a new page that reads: Busty blonde looking for fun – no strings attached.

I know some of you are into online dating and may be offended by this. However, since the launch of dating apps like Tinder, it seems like people are more into the idea of dating, but not necessarily into the people they are dating.

It takes more than a swipe or a new window to create and sustain a happy, healthy and meaningful relationship. Therefore, it should take just as much time to get over the previous relationship you were in.

Instead of jumping into the next relationship that comes along, give yourself time to heal from your breakup by nurturing the relationship you have with yourself. That way you can allow yourself time to reevaluate where you went wrong in the last relationship and how to get it right the next time.

4. Compromising yourself

Some women are so excited about meeting The One that they will do, say or be anything the guy needs them to be – except themselves. Look, I get it! The kind of guy you like does no come along that often. So, when he does you want to be perfect.  But, keep in mind, while you may be “acting perfect” for him, he is not getting to see the real you. Just be you! That means being your authentic self. Do not worry about him not being that “into you.” If he is not into you, then forget him. Move on to the next one, Honey! Life is too short. Why waste your time trying to be Mrs.Right for Mr.Wrong? Be patient, be strong and most of all be you! You will have a much better chance at meeting a man that makes you happy when you’re happy with yourself.

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5. Lying about your needs and wants

Last, but not least, do not lie to him (or yourself) about what you really need in a relationship. In the end it will only make you hate and resent him (and yourself) for not being honest about what you really want. For example, if you want to get married and have kids, but he does not, do not lie and say you are “okay” with that if you are not. Instead, be brave enough to get out there and go for what you really want.

Often women will have graduate with a MBA, purchase a home before they are thirty, and then date a man who loves open relationships and sushi, when what she really prefers is monogamy and hates raw fish. I mean seriously, what gives?

When it comes to getting your needs met, be upfront about what those needs are. That means being honest, even when you are afraid he may leave you. If he does, good riddance! There are plenty of fish in the sea and even a dating site called “Plenty of Fish” if you need help to finding one.

The bottom line here is not about the five dating habits you need to ditch, but more about your willingness to look at yourself. There is nothing wrong with you! Yet, even in our perfect state there is always room for growth and improvement. You deserve a great relationship.  However, sometimes the first relationship you must work on to accomplish this, is the relationship you have with yourself. That way, when true love does come along, you will not have to second-guess him, or yourself. You will not have to compromise, or pretend to be someone you are not. You will have learned to love and respect the person you truly are. In the end your perfect partner will love you for that.

Collette is the author of a groundbreaking and innovative book on relationships "Finding Happily... No Rules, No Frogs, No Pretending", available on Amazon. She is a former domestic violence survivor and victim of violence, who shifted her traumatic experience into a catalyst to empower women with positive education about healthy relationships. Collette's passion for social justice and healthy relationships has given her a powerful foundation to spread her message. Her mission is to teach others how to live successfully and harmoniously. Connect with Collette on her website Finding Happily or on Twitter.

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