wrong person

Do you ever feel like you spend your days trying to defend why you’re in the relationship you are in? Whether to yourself or to your family and friends, how much convincing should one need that your relationship is right? Maybe you’re spending your time and giving your love to the wrong person?

Here are some signs that it’s time to get out and end your relationship for everyone’s sake. You deserve to be happy, and not to have your heart and your head messed around. And your partner deserves to be happy too.

1. They put you down

This seems obvious, right? Who would put up with a person that is giving you constant grief? But sometimes it’s the subtle put-downs that drag you into being so oblivious. In a relationship, you should feel so comfortable with the other person that you shouldn’t have to be self-conscious in any aspect, whether that be your looks, or a personality trait you have, or the clothes you wear. You should always be you, and if a person is trying to change you, then they are not the one for you.

2. Your friends aren’t their fans

Your best friends know you more than anyone. So when you meet up with them and tell them over coffee about what’s new in your relationship, if their initial reaction isn’t a positive one, maybe you should take that on board. Sometimes you can be so blinded by feelings that your friends can see the flaws way before you can. So save yourself the heartache and listen to your friends’ advice! Most of the time, their gut feelings will be correct.

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3. You can think of more negatives than positives

Take some advice from Friends (isn’t that how we all make decisions in every other aspect of our lives?), and much like Ross does about Rachel, write a list of pros and cons. This might sound a bit of an extreme step but your brain can work so much better when it can see all your pluses and negatives written down in front of you.

It also makes you see your relationship from such a practical perspective. Surely if you can think of more bad things than good, it’s not looking good for your relationship future.

4. You’re the master of excuses

Is this you?

“No, he’s just really tired.”

“She’s really stressed at work.”

“She has fallen out with her mum.”

“His cat died and he did break a nail yesterday”

No matter how big or small the excuse, it is still an excuse. If you have to make them for your partner, either in your own head or to your nearest and dearest every time you talk about them, then surely they aren’t treating you right. Yes everyone gets stressed, and everyone takes it out on the wrong person at times, but if this is a regular thing, it’s not healthy. Try and see the reality of every situation and only use excuses when they are valid.

5. Everything is your fault

Surely you can’t be the in the wrong in every argument? If you are, then something is going on. A relationship is toxic when your other half has a way of twisting the blame onto you, no matter what the argument is about. In the long run, this will do nothing for your self-esteem. It will only grind you down into thinking you are useless as you are the cause of everything that is wrong in your relationship. That is an impossibility.

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Looking at the reality, it is probable your partner is gifted in manipulation. It is easily done and even the most intelligent person can be convinced something that has nothing to do with you is entirely their fault.

For extreme example: cheating. It’s the love victim’s fault because ‘they’re not giving the cheater what they want.’ Reading that as a sane person, you would think cheating cannot be twisted, but through love tinted glasses, anything is possible. Don’t let yourself be convinced you are the problem. There are two people in a loving relationship, and it can never be the case where one of the party carries all the blame for every single dispute.

6. You are not truly happy

Every person every day (in a relationship or not) should ask  ‘Am I truly happy?’ Some days depending on your mood or whether you had your favorite lunch, or whether that arsehole at work is still being an arsehole, your answer will be no. And that’s ok. Everyone cannot be happy 100% of the time.

But if you answer ‘no’ on a regular basis and the main reasons are under the subject of your relationship, then maybe it’s time to admit that your relationship is over. Life is too short to settle, so be honest with yourself and do whatever makes you truly happy. If that isn’t your partner, then it’s time to take the leap back to singledom. No matter how scary that is, or how many new problems that may cause, or how lonely you may feel, with the time you will find happiness. Whereas if you stay unhappy but poisonously connected to your partner, happiness will never find its way into your relationship.

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7. You don’t love them as they love you

It’s not all about the wrong things your partner does. They could do everything correctly, be thoughtful, kind, loving, but if it’s not right, it’s not right. Love is not a thing that can be forced.

Sometimes it can be hard to end something that looks so good on paper. But after giving it all you can, trying to work out every kink, if you know in your heart of hearts you don’t have as strong feelings as your partner, the fairest thing to do is to end it before they get more attached. Everyone deserves to be loved in equal measure, and if you can’t give that to a person, then you are being untrue to yourself and unfair to the person you are with. Believe me, they will thank you in the long run.

Elle works as a freelance singer, travelling the world performing on cruise ships and in hotels. Find her on Facebook or check out more about her writing on her website.

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