disadvantages of dating an older man

Picture this. Your date has invited you for drinks to meet his friends. You have made an effort, and you are looking good. He introduces you, but you have already noticed that his friends have given you the look. You know the one, it is a look of shock, horror, and ‘oh no, it’s happening’ intermingled with a slight smile, that is trying so desperately to cover the other emotions that it just comes across as surprising pity. That’s when you start feeling the disadvantages of dating an older man.

It can get pretty confusing, emotionally draining, and just plain frustrating. You can imagine the joy of being on the receiving end of people’s hideous reactions. Does it get any worse than this, you wonder? It is bad enough that you have to face the public on a daily basis with quick looks and sideways glances? You have to put up with the usual poop that you go through at the start of a blossoming relationship. Here are nine disadvantages of dating an older man that may concern you.

1. Facing his stubbornness

Well-known fact: the older a person gets, the more stubborn he gets. It is a fact that as we age, our brains are slow to react to the element of surprise and impulse. Slower brains make better decisions, apparently! Very slow stubborn decisions.

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2. Feeling like a trophy girlfriend

You don’t want to find that your new boyfriend only asked you for a date because he had something he needed to prove to himself. And you don’t want to find that he is dating you because he doesn’t want to face reality and grow the hell up. The truth is older men don’t want to face up to what is all coming to us in the end, and that is old age, then death. They don’t want to look at a woman who is the same age as them who reminds them of their age, so you being the younger woman is their reminder that ‘hey, life isn’t bad after all.’

3. Older – not necessarily wiser

Dr. Monica Ardelt who conducted research into the old saying ‘with age comes wisdom’ concluded that this saying is a bit of a myth. Age can only equal knowledge if the person in question learnt from the mistakes that they have made throughout their lives. It takes an individual who has an open mind and old age can get you stuck in a belief system that is completely flawed. You can only get wise by trying new things and speaking to different people of all colors, nationalities and sexual preferences, and ages. But the great thing is you can start being more open-minded at any age.

4. Undesired image

You probably have heard the saying ‘dirty old man.’ Well, other people may say this about him. What am I talking about? They have probably already said it ten times.

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5. Dated outfits

Your date will either have impeccable taste in clothes, or an outdated look that he has stuck to for fear of ridicule by his peers. Whatever you do, don’t make him change his image, unless, of course, he is wearing rags.

6. Dealing with insecurities

He may grow to be insecure about what you are getting up to in the evenings if you are still regularly socializing with your friends. He may resent you wanting to have spontaneous fun, like going out with your friends nightclubbing. Or having male acquaintances who are the same age as you.

7. Being judged by others

Your friends, his friends, your family, his relatives are going to clash; there is no pussyfooting around this one. And if they don’t say it to your face, they will talk about you behind your back. You may be lucky. There is always that one in a million chance that all of your friends and acquaintances are happy open-minded people who don’t judge others. But then again you are probably more likely to find that pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, or those teeth that hen has.

8. Having to put up with his baggage

You are going to find that your boyfriend has lived more life than you; he has done lots of travel, going to concerts, etc. and most likely he has already experienced having kids. Think about how you are going to handle this. And don’t forget his ex-wife. Expect drama, expect tantrums. Expect long, drawn-out conversations about what has happened this week.

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9. Feeling the age gap

Obviously the greater the age gap, the more apparent it will become the older you both get. You will feel it the most when being surrounded by his elderly friends or your younger crowd. He is going to find your friends immature and annoying, and you are going to find his friends boring and stuffy.

Maybe through bitter experience with an ex of their own age, men assume that women the same age as them get bitter and twisted after going through a breakup. So that leads them to believe that they would rather not go down the same road and maybe choose a younger model assuming that the relationship they have with a younger woman will be trouble-free. Haha! Has he got a surprise waiting for him in the wings! Fellas, just never assume that a romantic relationship will be trouble-free. You’re just jinxing it to happen.

After the experiences I have gone through you won’t see me sugar-coating any information. With any relationship, though, you will get massive highs and gaping lows. Hopefully, the highs will out weight the lows. If you have read through my list and it hasn’t put you off dating an older man, then bravo. Having gone through a lot of these problems myself I am just warning you about the various pitfalls. Forewarned is being forearmed.

Jennifer is a soon to be recovered narcissistic abuse survivor who writes about relationships and dating. She likes helping those who have problems with getting over their ex.

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