You’ve seen them before; those couples are holding hands, laughing together, and looking like they are a significant generation apart. Have you wondered how two people could be happy in an age gap relationship? If so, you are not alone. Many skeptics are not shy about voicing their (often negative) opinions of pairings between older women and younger men, or, younger women and older men.
You might think you will never date someone who can’t relate to who you are and how you were raised but always remember never to say never. There are some very good reasons why you should consider being involved in an age gap relationship. For one, the person you are with could teach you things you would never have learned if you hadn’t met. Another benefit to being in this situation is that you will do a lot of self-analysis and determine what is truly right for you.
Here are some things to consider when you are debating whether or not that person you’re attracted to could be someone you can have a successful age gap relationship with.
If you are not physically attracted to the person you’re with, the relationship will have a slim chance of working out. So, when you ARE attracted to someone, you should consider that maybe it’s a sign from the universe to give things a chance.
Mutual attraction is an even better sign. When you feel drawn to someone, it is for a reason. Just be sure you are attracted because you genuinely want to know the person. Only physical attraction rarely leads to anything meaningful.
It is sometimes difficult to explain the attraction to an older man to your friends and family. Your friends might not share the appeal you see in an older person. You need to keep some things in mind when you’re with a man who is significantly older than you.
Your older man might experience erectile dysfunction and andropause (also known as male menopause) when you are in your prime. And, in addition to dealing with your loved ones sharing their viewpoints, you might start to doubt whether or not you are “normal” for having feelings for an older person.
Criticism could also be directed towards you for choosing to be with a younger mate. People who are important to you might assume you are pursuing a younger person to boost your ego. No matter how often you try to explain that you genuinely care about your younger partner, your loved ones might never take the relationship seriously.
When the people in your life dismiss your union, you can point out to them the many things you and your significant other have in common.
Two people don’t need to be born within the same decade to share common interests and goals. If you reflect on your schooldays, you can probably remember some of your classmates born the same year you were, but you didn’t have much else in common with them. It’s the same with some relationships. Some couples who are close in age to each other have difficulties relating to each other.
Suppose a man happens to be a vegetarian who is also interested in stamp collecting. He meets and falls in love with a woman who is 15 years younger than him and who is also keen to live a vegetarian lifestyle and collect stamps. In that case, the age gap should not be a reason for people sharing common interests to avoid each other.
Yes, opposites do attract, but a couple who argues every day because of the differences between them will not be happy couple for long. Is it worth it to be with someone a generation from you? It can be very worth it, but only if mutual respect exists.
The age difference might bring a fresh perspective to you both. You might find yourself mentally calculating how old your partner was when you achieved some of the milestones in your life, but be careful about doing that.
Comparing what your partner was doing in his life when you graduated from high school might cause you to feel that you two are too far apart. You can’t change your or your partner’s history. Accept your age and focus on the milestones you are achieving together.
How attached are you to the people who are in your life? Would you be emotionally, spiritually, or financially devastated if your loved ones disapproved of your relationship? If so, you need to reconsider getting involved with someone whose age or status in life would upset the people most important to you.
Relationships that differ in any way from societal norms require independent thinkers who are strong enough to stand up for what they want. Otherwise, the union will be fragile and has no chance of survival. You shouldn’t have to make any apologies for liking who you like. So long as you and your partner are over 18, you can embark on a relationship.
You should be ready to deal with stares, gossip, raised eyebrows, and scorn from people who don’t understand why you chose to be together. Can you deal with the rude questions and untrue assumptions people make about you two? If not, you may need to rethink whether you are strong enough to handle being in a relationship different from the norm.
The age might be nothing but a number to some, but your age should be considered if either of you wants to become parents. Women of course have to deal with menopause preventing them from having babies.
Because menopause tends to happen for women between the ages of 45 to 55, a couple needs to consider this if they want to conceive. If you want to have a family together and the other doesn’t, you need to discuss that immediately. These issues in age gap relationships must be discussed as soon as possible because even though your hearts may be as one, your hormones and biological clocks are different.
Some couples in age gap relationships such as filmmaker Samantha “Sam” Taylor-Johnson and her actor husband, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, decided to try having children together very quickly after their relationship began. Sam is 23 years older than her husband, and she already had two children from a previous marriage before beginning the relationship when Aaron was 18 years old. The Taylor-Johnsons have said in interviews that they decided to try having children soon into the relationship because age affects a woman’s fertility. The couple now have two daughters together in addition to Sam’s two daughters from her first marriage.
Building a family worked out well for the Taylor-Johnsons and could work out for your age-gap relationship, but you need to be wise about it and recognize that age, fertility, and health are related. You will need to make time-lined decisions together fairly quickly. Can your partner handle being a parent within the next year? You need to discuss this as soon as possible because time is of the essence. It is best to work to make the relationship as strong as possible to prepare yourselves for changes.
The next time you see a couple with an obvious age gap, don’t assume the union is a May-December romance that doesn’t stand a chance. Sometimes, a situation that looks “scandalous” and “strange” to outsiders feels normal and right for people inside the pairing. Never assume that the person you eventually fall in love with will be the same age as you. You can’t control your birth date, and neither can your mate. When you accept each other and allow your love to grow, you might find that the age difference is a trivial reason to prevent being together.