confidence with men

There were the days of middle school and high school where we asked out guys on notecards and shoved friends into the lion’s den to go do the dirty work for us. I was that friend. Let me tell you, I don’t think one of my friends who sent me into the wilderness ever got a guy’s number. But I almost did. Want to know why?

Guys love confident women. Now I’m not saying I’m a pro at it, I’m just saying I’ve done this a few times and there’s no better feeling than knowing that you’ve got what it takes to talk to a guy, get that number from him, and own it. Plus, I’ve never known someone who wallows in the corner to land a date consistently.

Everyone around you is affected by how you see yourself. If you want that date, you have to be a go-getter. As with anything, there’s always a how-to. Let’s take a leap and get you on the road by boosting your confidence with men.

1. Be genuine

If there’s one thing that we know about being confident, it’s that you have to be genuine. Guys can tell when you’re faking it, trying too hard, or are super nervous. To counteract that tendency invest time in yourself and get yourself feeling like you are at your best.

Start with something that makes you happy whether that’s getting your nails done, working out, or shredding on an electric guitar, let that fuel your passion and your self-love. Take a moment for the empowerment to fill you. Every time. Be in the moment with yourself, that way you can become your most authentic and rockin’ self.

2. Make an I’m-Killin’-It playlist

Music is something that gets people in a thousand different moods. Fill your Spotify playlist with every song that makes you feel beautiful, powerful, and confident.

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Use any of the women powerhouses in the industry like Ariana Grande, Queen Bey, Nicki Minaj, Halestorm, and Dua Lipa. Anything from pop to rock to rap. Don’t limit yourself. There are so many women who have written songs so that they and you can feel like you’re at the top of the game.

This is something I used after a breakup too. I dressed up with the girls, blasted our best collection of music, and did a photo shoot. Even then, it was more intense to be feeling like I was worth it with my friends than it was to be crying over a guy.

Some suggestions for you would be God is a woman by Ariana Grande, I am the Fire by Halestorm, Run the World (Girls) by Beyoncé, Hotter than Hell by Dua Lipa, and Bed by Nicki Minaj. All of these have the common theme of the artists knowing that they own who they are for any flaws, perfections, strengths, and weaknesses. This allows them to run the music industry as they do. Being able to embody everything about yourself, good and bad, makes it so much easier for you to face any challenge. Especially when you meet a guy you like and you want to keep him.

Once you’ve compiled your playlist of awesomeness, play it when you get ready, feel down, or when preparing for a date. This will allow you to get into the groove of the very confidence that men find so compelling and addicting.

3. Feel good about yourself

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been wanting a pair of thigh-high boots. I think that they are so awesome, and I feel like wearing them can skyrocket my confidence. Find your pair of thigh highs (metaphorically) or whatever it is that you want that makes you feel like the most amazing person on earth.

It doesn’t have to be clothing. It can be charity work or starting that project you’ve been meaning to. The point is that to feel like your best self, you gotta do something that makes you feel like you’re as amazing as I know you are! This will keep up the practice of pumping yourself up and boosting your confidence so when you are with a guy he sees it too.

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4. Rearrange your mindset

Now that you’ve had time to focus on yourself, you can turn your attention to showing the world your confidence. This is where it gets tricky. It’s pretty easy to make sure that you give yourself attention. You know what you like. You know how to make yourself feel like a queen. Now is the time to project that onto someone else, and I get that it’s super terrifying. That should be the thrilling part.

This is about your mindset. We have a tendency to assume that because there’s a guy involved that we will mess up and not say the right things and that’s where anxiety kicks in. Let me tell you, you are 100% overthinking the whole thing. Odds are, he’s just as nervous about the same things when it comes to you. Mind blown. Am I right?

Be you. If you decided to build a future together, why would you want to show him anything different than the person he’s getting? He wants to get to know who you are! Not who you think he wants to see.

5. Get rid of limiting beliefs

He may have some great abs, a ton of tattoos, or the most gorgeous blue eyes, but he is still a human being, not a god. Don’t let your limiting beliefs prevent you from approaching him. In fact, most guys will agree that they are much more attracted to a woman who is willing to approach them (I checked, I promise). It takes the pressure off of them.

Anytime your mind starts to build an image of a guy as somebody unattainable, just know that they have a tendency to do the same and that you need to take a moment and unwind. There’s no need to get riled up. Every time you start to do this to yourself, write down a reason you are equally amazing. That way you know that you are on the same playing field.

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6. Channel your positive energy

Just like adrenaline junkies who get their kick from sports and other extreme activities, you get your adrenaline rush or butterflies in your stomach when you have a crush on a guy. Embrace your inner energy and all those I-can’t-wait-to-see-the-guy-tonight jitters and transform into something you love, so not only you are growing, but you’re revving your engine into maximum gear.

Channel this new positive energy into your daily life. In all honesty, confidence around a guy is no different from confidence in any other area of life. We just allow ourselves to think otherwise. You have no need to be nervous. If worst comes to worst, rejection will save you from misery. Mess-ups allow you to own who you are because you are everything you were meant to be.

7. Embrace your experiences

This is the ultimate pep talk. Be honest with him and with yourself. Honesty is freedom. If you say you’re nervous, well you just started a conversation about something you both have in common. If it does or doesn’t go well, reward yourself anyways. You did what you could. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t going to happen anyway. Embrace all those dating experiences and take them as lessons that will help you become more secure and not tear you down. Remember: no one can take anything away from you unless you let them. There’s a lot of power in that.

The ultimate challenge is projecting your confidence onto someone else which means you have to be more confident in yourself! Guys love that.  They, in fact, want you to own it. There’s a proud moment for them when they can claim to the world just how confident their woman is.

So, keep your world in proportion to what you know to be true about you and about relationships. This will take you from falling apart at any moment to rocking the dating world in no time at all.

Jillian is the founder of Unsaid, a brand built around nurturing real relationships. She is a marketing major in Kansas and the author of The Soulmate Switch: 6 Necessities for the Ultimate Relationship. She lives with her dog Jack and spends her free time jamming, working, and hanging out with her boyfriend.

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