Dating is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience. An experience where you plan to meet someone you fancy in the hopes that they may be your ideal match and it will lead to a relationship.
However, dating is also supposed to be intentional. The idea is to know what you’re looking for in a relationship and seek to find that in a person. There should be a lot more reasoning behind simply meeting for a coffee. I enjoy attending seminars regarding dating and relationships. I have learnt that if you want to find an ideal match and minimise the risk of disappointment and heartbreak then dating with intent will help you get there.
Ensure you’re ready to love and be loved
You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. Although this saying is cliché, it is very true. If you don’t love yourself then how can you expect to love another person? If you’re someone who has had a hard life or have been involved in negative situations that you haven’t yet overcome you shouldn’t be thinking about being in a relationship.
Your focus should be to attend beneficial seminars, counselling if you have to and surround yourself with people who will lift you up and help you overcome your past.
Address your previous mistakes in past relationships because as we all know, no one is perfect. Everyone has made mistakes whether we like to admit that or not. If you don’t or you can’t address your own flaws then you will continue making the same mistakes. It will haunt you until you resolve them. As people, we don’t like to look at our flaws, we tend to see ourselves better than we are. We often blame others instead of working on bettering ourselves.
Find out who you really are
Sometimes we think we know ourselves, but the real question is do we really? If we don’t know who we are then how can we know what we want? Find out what you’re good at and what you could improve on. For example, are you someone who usually comes up with amazing ideas but never acts them out due to procrastination? Perhaps you’re deemed as too emotional so you tend to cry all the time or get angry over little things. On the other hand, you could be someone who is very ambitious and is always managing multiple projects at once.
By learning more about ourselves, we will know more about who we need in our lives to compliment us. In regards to finding a perfect partner, people tend to go for somebody who are slightly different to who they are, as this person will likely compliment them. This goes back to the idea of knowing ourselves first.
Write a list of what you need in a partner
This may sound ridiculous but writing a short list of what you actually need in a partner may help you in your search. The list should only contain certain points and should not be a list to find the perfect person as this doesn’t exist. Points you may include may be that the person needs to be of the same faith as you, they have to have similar goals as you such as the country you want to live in and the direction you want your life to go in. You shouldn’t be too specific as that shows that you’re too fussy which could hinder your efforts.
Once you’ve written this list, keep it in a safe place so that you can refer back to it on an occasional basis. This list will help you in your search to find the ideal partner because when you do meet someone who doesn’t fit the bill, you can tell them where to go (in a nice way obviously). This therefore means that you won’t waste your time or theirs and your heart will still be intact.
So you’ve written a list containing what type of partner you need, now you need to think about what you would like. You may not find this in someone but if you were to, that would be a bonus. This could be things like they need to be off a certain height and from a particular culture background. You may find someone who meets the criteria you’re looking for but may be average in size and may be from a culture you aren’t a fan off. However, those characteristics are unimportant. Relationships are all about compromise after all.
Have fun but not too much fun
When you’re dating with intent you don’t want to be strung along and get your heart wrapped up into someone who isn’t right for you. This will only cause problems for yourself in the long run. It may be great for the moment but it won’t be good tomorrow.
Have fun, go out for dinner, talk on the phone till the early hours of the morning but make sure you’re asking the right questions. Ask them what they want in life and if they’re looking for a serious relationship. Ask them about their past relationships, it’s important to know. I certainly don’t believe in your past is your past because it’s that same past that formed you into who you are today.
Think about what you need and what you want and stick to it. Don’t be easily persuaded by other people because after all, you’ll be the one spending your time, energy and effort with that person.
Assess the situation realistically
If you’ve spoken to someone you’re dating a few times and gone on several dates with them, but later realise that they are not for you – tell them! There’s nothing worse than ghosting them or continuing to see them just because you feel bad, whilst hoping for the best. If you can’t close your eyes and imagine yourself with them for the next few years then jog on and tell them to do the same, if you know what I mean.
When you have been dating someone for some time and see compatibility and they tick the right boxes then hooray! It’s a match! Continue getting to know them after a relationship has been formed. There’s so many layers in one person that you’ll never stop learning something new. It doesn’t necessarily mean that it will work out for the best, but at least you have more chance of the relationship being a success.
So, date with intent and you’ll thank yourself for it.