How to attract women

Some guys seem to attract women like magnets. It can be so frustrating not to be one of them. You may even get depressed and give up on dating.

Why is it that some guys can do it and you can’t? Is it your looks? Maybe you are not successful enough? Or is it because you are not tall enough? I can tell you from my experience that attracting women does not have anything to do with those things.

If you do not believe me talk to a few female friends and see what they say. Most women will tell you that it is not money, looks, or success that attracts them.

What is the secret of attracting women?

It is a set of masculine traits that attract women, and the cornerstone trait is confidence. But how do you get confidence if you do not have it? What is that hidden piece of information that you are missing?

Confidence is a skill that you can learn. It is the same as working out. If you set up a daily program and practice it, after a couple of weeks, you will notice a difference; you may even have a big leap forward. After a couple of months, you will be much stronger, and after six months or a year, you will seem like a different person.

Meeting women works the same way. If you practice it, you will get better and better at attracting women. I have included here several techniques that will help you begin to increase your confidence level, and if you stick to them, they can transform your interactions with women forever.

It is a set of masculine traits that attract women, and the cornerstone trait is confidence. Click To Tweet

1. Ground yourself

Grounding is the most fundamental way to build confidence that increases the effectiveness of other techniques. Grounding is your body’s connection to the Earth. It is the force of gravity that stops you from floating away. Research has shown that reconnecting your body with the gravitational force of the planet can positively affect your physical and emotional health in many ways, including helping you to be more confident.

Being grounded is your normal state, but burying your emotions and disconnecting from your body weakens this feeling. Daily exercise can help restore some of the body’s natural grounding.

Find a place where you won’t be disturbed. Sit on the chair or lie on the bed. Close your eyes, let your emotions drop low in your body, and be present here now. Breathe in deeply and gently and then slowly breathe out. Imagine that there are two circular windows at the bottom of your feet that open up. Drop a root from each of your feet deep into the ground, through the layers of the Earth. Drop another root from your coccyx, all way down to the center of the Earth. Let that root expand to the width of your body. Feel the roots pulling you down towards the Earth, feel the weight of gravity on your body: your feet, your legs, your torso, your arms, and your head. There’s nothing that you have to do, and there’s no right or wrong, you feel what you feel. Notice the gravity of the Earth pulling you down. Whenever you are ready, you can open your eyes and come back to the room.

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Not only will this exercise increase your confidence, but it will improve your health as well.

2. Be present

Being present in the given moment and not thinking about the past or the future makes you confident. Lack of confidence comes from fear of what might happen. If you stay in the present, focus on what is happening now, and not worry about the future, you will be a more confident man. Confidence exists only in the present. The more present you are, the more confident you can be. When you are thinking about the future and the past, it can bring up anxiety. Your power exists in the present; when you are here now, you will be stronger and more confident.

An excellent tool to help you be present is to pay attention to all of your senses. Feeling the ground beneath you and the air in your lungs, paying attention to any sounds you can hear, looking at the environment around you, and reminding yourself where you are.

3. Be aware of your body

When you are aware of your body, you are in the present. Often you worry about the consequences of your actions. It keeps you focused on your head instead of your body. The more you learn to be in your body and not in your head, the more confident you will become.

It can help to pat your arms or torso with your hands as a reminder to be more in your body.

4. Release your emotions

The most common reason for lack of confidence is nervousness. It comes from emotions that you haven’t been able to face. If you do not recognize your feelings at the time when they occur, your body stores them until you can release them. Over the years, you fill up with more and more emotions, and it becomes more challenging to manage what you have buried inside. That’s where many emotional and psychological issues come from.

When you become aware of your emotions and allow yourself to feel them, they are not added to your bank of stored emotions. It is an essential step on the road to building lasting confidence. You must also learn how to release emotions you have been ignoring. It does not need to be difficult, simply set the intention to observe your feelings throughout the day.

5. Meditate daily

Meditation is one of the most important techniques you can use to build confidence. The great thing about meditation is that it helps with all the other confidence-building strategies. It helps you to ground yourself, be present, and be aware of your body and emotions. Over time, even a short daily meditation can help you to be more authentic around women and in life in general.

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Even a short daily meditation can help you to be more authentic around women and in life in general. Click To Tweet

6. Be patient with yourself

Patience is an aspect of confidence-building that people often overlook. Not being hard on yourself is a way to increase your self-love and respect. When you are hard on yourself, you create a situation in which you become a victim of yourself. You then suffer the effects of victimhood, which can cause stress and anxiety. It can have a big impact on your self-esteem and confidence level.

7. Laugh and sing

Studies have shown that laughing and singing help stimulate the vagus nerve – the longest nerve in the body that runs from the brain to the heart, lungs, and digestive system. The vagus nerve controls the ‘rest and digest’ part of the nervous system.

When the vagus nerve is under-stimulated regularly, you become more prone to anxiety and nervousness. Most of us have an under-stimulated vagus nerve because of a combination of factors, including high-carb or high-fat diets, stress, poor posture, and environmental toxins.

The way to correct this is to bring in more activities that stimulate the vagus nerve, such as laughing or singing. The benefit of such activities is that they tend to be calming to the whole system, and they make you feel good.

8. Slow down

Slowing down is another way of treating yourself with respect and love. When you rush through your day, you are raising your stress level and suffering the resulting ill effects, including increased anxiety levels. Also, you are not present with yourself. You are going fast because your mind is in the future, and since your place of strength is in the present, this weakens you in several ways. You don’t trust yourself that you can accomplish what you need. It reinforces your sense of low self-worth and can dramatically lower your confidence.

9. Monitor negative self-talk

You probably know the voice in your head that chatters all day long that you are not good enough. The one that says, “You should have done better”, “This is impossible”. It is the voice that blames you every time you make a mistake or when you are late. Each time this voice pops up in your head, it is reducing your self-esteem, and your negative vibes certainly are not helping to attract women.

Monitoring negative self-talk is an essential step toward building your confidence. You can try this: each time this voice speaks negatively, immediately correct it and think of the opposite. Then say two positive things about yourself. For example: “You idiot! You dropped your phone!” Instead, say to yourself: “Dropping the phone has nothing to do with intelligence. I am an incredible dancer and an amazing parent.”

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Just paying attention to your self-talk will help you start to change it. With consistent focus, over time, you will begin to hear this voice less and less, and one day it will just be gone.

Monitoring negative self-talk is an essential step toward building your confidence. Click To Tweet

10. Don’t beat yourself up

Beating yourself up is a more extreme version of negative self-talk. It is when you keep on drumming it into your head. “How could you have possibly said that to your boss? He is going to fire you! Then you’ll have no income! You’ll be broke!”

This voice is coming out because of a fear you have about something. Try to realize that the voice is attempting to protect you. It is important not to judge the voice or try to silence it or push it down. Accept it, let it have its say, but point out the positive. It can sometimes help to say to the voice, “I am grateful that you are trying to help me, but it is not helpful to do this anymore so you can stop now.”

11. Don’t judge others

When you judge others, you are judging yourself. Here’s how it works: more compassion for others means more for yourself and vice versa. When you get to a certain point, you begin to have so much compassion for yourself that you have extra love and compassion to give to others and that’s when you attract women.

If you stop judging and blaming others, it will free up your energy. When you have a genuine love for yourself, you are always confident because you have nothing to fear. Most of your fears are caused by a perceived lack, such as lack of safety or lack of control.

To shake off the habit of judging others, start observing your own actions throughout the day, and notice what triggers your judgemental behavior.

12. Be gentle with yourself

Part of having compassion for yourself is being gentle. When you care about and love yourself, you are gentle, the way you would be with anyone you love.

Always treat yourself the way you would treat a baby. Whenever you beat yourself up, mentally or emotionally, or treat your body in an unloving way, stop and think, “Is this how I would treat a baby that I hold in my arms?”

You must put these techniques into practice for them to be effective and help you attract women. I suggest trying them one at a time and observing the results. If you don’t see the improvement you want the first time, it doesn’t necessarily mean the technique won’t work for you. Try one of the others and go back to that one later.

If you practice these steps consistently, they will help you build confidence, not just in dating – but in every other area of your life. You can make the first step towards becoming the man you want to be and change your life today with only a bit of effort and a little patience.

James is a dating coach, writer, teacher, certified intuition medicine practitioner, performer, and business owner. He helps men and women connect with their true selves so they can become successful in dating and relationships, as well as, the rest of life. He teaches clients science-based practical techniques to learn to engage authentically with themselves and others. Some of the evidence-based modalities he uses include psychology, somatics, NLP, and subtle energies.

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