Learning the rules of texting is exhausting, right? We’ve all had those moments where we’ve typed up a follow-up text to our boyfriend because he still hasn’t replied to our first one, before spending the next 30 minutes debating whether or not to send it. “Should I text him again? I could send it, but won’t that annoy him? I mean, maybe he’s just busy. I should leave it.”
But then the devil on your shoulder always has to chime in when you’re finally ready to get on with your life: “Hell, yes, you should text him! What right does he have to ignore you? What could he possibly be doing instead? Is he texting Sandra from HR again?”
This is the ugly side of texting, and you’d think it would simmer down once you finally hook up with a guy. But it rarely does! All of a sudden you’re faced with wondering how much communication is too much.
Do you text him at work or not? Do you leave him alone now that he’s said he’s busy, or do you remind him that you love him? Do you text him while he’s shooting zombies on video games, or is that likely to prompt him to end it all? “Just as I was about to rip this zombie’s head off, my phone bleeped. OMG!”
Texting while dating is good. It’s also essential that you text him throughout the day. It lets him know you’re thinking of him and that you care about him. Moreover, if you don’t text him regularly, it can create a loss of desire, especially since you guys are just dating and not living together. Since you won’t be seeing each other all the time, you’ve got to rely on your texts to fill in the gaps when he’s not around. If you don’t, you both might find that you’re losing whatever feelings you had for each other.
But there is such a thing as too much. If you’re unsure of how to text a guy you are dating, here is what you should know.
Do not over saturate
There is definitely such a thing as over-saturation when it comes to texting, and it doesn’t matter if you two are friends, dating or even married. The more you text him, the more he feels obligated to reply. This creates a cycle of dependence that can be hard to break. It also stops you both from doing other important stuff. Perhaps last night you planned to catch up on your boxed sets, but OMG he just WON’T. STOP. TEXTING. And because you feel obliged to reply, you get caught up in a texting marathon that means you never got to see how The Bachelor ended.
Texting is a form of communication, but to master this particularly tricky form it’s important that you discuss how much you two are going to text each other. I know this might sound ridiculously uptight, and he might ask if you’re “for real” if you tell him that you feel as though you should both talk about how often you should text each other. But talking about it goes a long way to ironing out all the frustrations that texting is fraught with. It means that you’re both on the same level and know your boundaries.
For example, if you don’t want to be texted while you’re with friends, letting him know will ensure that you avoid conflict when he asks if you’re okay before phoning for the police to find you because you were too busy to get back to him. Just talk to him about it! It isn’t difficult.
Start in the morning and end at night
If you don’t want to bombard him with texts during the day (and this is probably a good idea), you could save the majority of your texts for morning and night. It’s always nice to wake up to a morning text, and this is a good way to start the day. Ask him how he is and what he has planned – this certainly isn’t a case of you texting too often, it’s just you taking an interest in his life. Then, you could cool things off during the day and let him get on with what he needs to do, before catching him again in the evening when he’s winding down.
Bear in mind his work schedule
If he has said that he can’t text much – if at all – when he’s at work, respect it and don’t text him. Otherwise, it really is too much. It’s not that he doesn’t want to text you, it’s just that he can’t. If, however, you don’t listen and insist on texting him, you’re probably going to send a few follow-up texts asking where he is when he doesn’t reply. After a few weeks, this can get super annoying. Don’t be a pest!