It’s no secret that women travel together in packs as wingwomen. We go out together, moving as a herd, finding a vantage point somewhere between the bar and the dancefloor, order our drinks, and my goodness, we look great doing it. I know better than anyone that we do this for reasons like safety in numbers and cheaper taxi rides home. The more girls together, the more likely someone will take ‘candid’ photos of you. That’s a new Facebook profile picture, nailing your highlight and contour.

Men are visual creatures. I know, shocking. So when they see a group of women sitting together forming a wall so impossibly high with their stilettos, they cannot bear to try to get over it. The humiliation or possible rejection that they may experience is too high. You might be unlucky enough to be in one of those packs, where those women are not projecting warmth but a serious case of RBTS (resting bitch face syndrome). A man actually approaching you in this ‘wingwomen pack situation’ has the same odds as Ryan Gosling facetiming you.

Magic often happens when we separate from the pack. This is no accident. Men will always wait until the group disbands into something less likely to result in public embarrassment. This way, their odds improve. That or being shut down on the spot. Remember, they are equally as nervous as we are. What it really boils down to is choosing the right wingwomen to surround yourself with. Are they the ultimate wingwomen? Or are they keeping your feet firmly on the love tarmac? Here are some things to consider.

Picking the right wingwomen

Doing this is much like picking the perfect shade of red for your skin tone. It seems like an easy task, but you could be getting it all wrong. You want to have the best kind of woman around you. Regardless of if it is two or ten of you, the numbers are irrelevant. It comes down to having people that will ultimately be there to guide you. Push you towards the cute guy at the bar or to save you when you give them the side eye that tells them, “code red, we have a crazy.”

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The last thing you want is to be with people who dull your sparkle. You know the type of woman who is completely self-absorbed, who won’t give up one single moment or the limelight for you to shine? These are the women that will cut straight in front of you the minute a cute guy gets your attention just to get his instead. They are confidence thieves. Hunny, you deserve better than that.

Who is going to boost you?

What happens in this situation is you become the supporting act, literally. You are holding the team up, and this is exhausting. It means you can’t focus on yourself and what you need. Good wingwomen do not allow this to happen. They are there to encourage you. Sometimes by advising you to drink a lot more than the recommended daily limit. But these are the same girls who come and hold your hair back when your stomach decides it really has had enough.

You need to look out for the girls that are sabotaging your chances at playing the field, who are negative and constantly complaining. The ones who don’t want to interact with anyone else but Instagram and remotely show you any interest. The ones who turn up at your side like a lost child in a shopping center. They stare at you, waiting for you to finish the conversation with the guy who wants to make you pass out your number quicker than taking a shot. They are always going to be negative. These moments are not the time or place to be the rock.

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Remember it is okay to have boundaries with these types of friends. These women are not helping you to flirt with a guy, get his number or get a date. They are simply the ultimate roadblock. If you spend all of your time making them feel like the superstar, who is there to make you feel like one too? Be savage like Khloe Kardashian. Leave them behind like a bad attitude or a heel without a platform.

The relationship status does not matter

Does it matter if your wingwomen are single, in a relationship, or married? No. In fact, going out with your married friends or a mix of the two is the absolute best of both worlds. The married wingwomen will smell a rat. Plus, they encourage you to approach the guy with your new false sense of confidence. That’s because they’ve forgotten what rejection feels like. You believe them and follow that bravado to that fine example of a male species.

Your single friends are probably less encouraging. They are racked with the same fear of rejection as you. They’re amazing as they understand your need to grind as your life depends on it. Especially when your favorite RnB song of all time (‘Pony’ for the record) comes on. They’ll never wonder where the rest of your skirt or top has gone as well. If anything, they will look at you and wonder why you are dressed for a football match. The text message clearly says ‘nightclub.’

Their relationship status isn’t the point. What matters is what they are doing to help you change yours or help you keep yours until the best one for you comes along! Remember, it isn’t about joining the relationship club for the sake of it. The best wingwomen will remind you that you deserve to have it all.

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Pick wingwomen to be by your side in this scary, confusing world of being single. You’ll need the safety net to catch you when you get rejected. You will get rejected. These women will pick you up, dust you off, fix your mascara and throw you back in. They will be the ones who take your phone away to stop you from texting the man who needs to go back to hell where he came from. You will need these women who will tell you that the pimple on your chin that resembles Mt Everest is invisible underneath the painted concealer. You will need to have women who celebrate (from afar) when you are kissing the hot guy in the dark corner.

So remember, choose wisely because a good wingwoman will do nothing but bring out the confidence you. The fun you. The fearless you. The best version of you. Why? They want the best for you, and that’s the ultimate wingwoman who may just make the difference between flying and never leaving the ground.

Ashleigh is a writer, blogger, poet and completely knee-deep in the dating world. She likes to talk about love and relationships because those who can't do, write about it from the comfort of their own home whilst wondering if peanut butter and wine are a nutritious dinner.

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